Confessions of a LOVE ATHEIST

November 30
Mood: Again...world-weary

Songs For The Moment: My Favorite Mistake (Sheryl Crow), What Hurts The Most (Rascal Flatts), I Don't Know You Anymore (Savage Garden), Good Enough (Sarah McLachlan), Killing Me (Robbie Williams)

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I've been told that love's a celebration
But I've lost faith through frustration
And it's killing me, but killing me slowly

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Funny, most of the birthday well wishes I got from 12:01 of November 13 usually includes wishes for a lovelife. Tsk, tsk. Scorpios are notorious for having the worst luck in that department and the best luck in the other related department (hint, hint: Scorpio Nights, hehe). Well, I am a Scorpio through and through.

Why am I such a self-confessed LOVE ATHEIST (if there is such a term)? The list goes on and on but top excuses would be:

1. I very seldom see solid proof of a good and lasting relationship. If you compute the probability of a success rate, I think it will be around 8%. Even Reese Witherspoon (on Oprah) lashed back at her detractors and rallied in favor of marriage… saying that it is a journey, blah, blah. Look where she is now…the official America’s Sweetheart for Estranged Marriage.

2. I believe that you have to choose between career and lovelife. Only superheroes can have the best of both worlds. And going back to my reference to Reese… she did get an Oscar.

3. I’d rather be alone than unhappy. And I am COMPLETE… thank you very much. Relationship is like a drug…it gets you hooked and it destroys you. It takes out your sense of self so when the relationship ends, you have to find another to feel…complete. And your happiness becomes directly proportional to the presence of that person.

4. Haley James (Mandy Moore’s character in How to Deal) said it very well: “The easiest way to destroy a relationship with someone is to ACTUALLY try to have a relationship with them.” Trust me on this…I’ve been there…done that.

5. Caring is creepy. You get messages asking “Kumain na u?” or “Nakauwi na u?” -Puhleeze… I am not a freaking 4-year old.

6. Marriage is another conspiracy by the Catholic Church, just like the hidden truth about the Holy Grail. They know that marriage and relationships are bad for their parishioners. Proof: They don’t allow their beloved priests and nuns to get married.

7. Didn’t they say MIND over HEART? Biology put it that way so don’t you dare mess up with nature.

8. Building something just to watch it fall is absolute looney behavior. Nothing will last forever. Except maybe that diamond she fooled you into buying.

9. Being haunted by the might-have-beens is better than being killed by the what-is-now.

10. The fact that you are reading through to #10 means you believe #1 to #9. Let us celebrate your enlightenment. Welcome to the Singles for Life Movement!

Winds of Change

Note: This post is a month overdue. Grin and bear it.

November 1
Wednesday
8:06 PM

Mood: Overwhelmed, in a quasi-bad kind of way

The Stars Are NOT Blind, Paris

My Sunday horoscope read: "There's something fabulous about every bad trait you have. Your sarcasm is charming. Your cynicism is often true. And your callousness makes you strong. Someone adores your badness.”

True for the most part, except the last.


Ch-ch-changes This November


I don’t know why I took so long
I kept holding on to the safety of the past.
And then one day the weather changed
And this gentle breeze put me on to a new path.
Home at last.


November is my second favorite month (after December). It starts off all morbid and otherworldly but then it sheds off the macabre to smoothly flow into the festive Christmas season. Not to mention that in the middle of it is the birthday of one of the most celebrated people in the planet. Haha, who am I kidding?!

This November feels surreal to me. Not only do I turn another year older but I am about to shift gears in major aspects of my life. I am one of those people who don’t usually welcome change. I thrive in my comfort zone and I work my life on a stringent routine. Throw me a curveball and everything goes haywire.

But you got to roll with the punches. And yeah, you won’t go places if you won’t let go of the shore. So I am taking a leap of faith and doing my best to psych myself up. To quell the fear of the unknown in order to see the excitement of endless possibilities.

By next week, we will be transferring to a new house in Bulacan. Same village, just in a different street. I ought to be excited coz this one is bigger, way better and more permanent. We took a lot of pains in having it refurbished. I just don’t like the fitting-in part. You know…new neighbors. It will take some time before we get used to their idiosyncrasies (and vice-versa). Yes, we know a lot of people in that street…and that is the problem! Sometimes I am so anti-social that I hate high-school classmates/neighbors who drop by for a chit chat. I mean we can go out and update ourselves but not when I am in my house-rest mode. With the demands of my work lately, rest (even food!) has become some sort of luxury.

Speaking of work….my second curveball is work. I have been a marketing hotshot (sic) for five years now but new demands and requirements in our company suddenly propelled me in another direction. I might just dabble on supply chain instead of marketing. There are no formalities yet but my recent work on SAP Upgrade opened new doors for me in terms of career move. Truth to tell, this is already the third “door” to be offered to me. I politely closed the first two “doors.” I just don’t see myself inside those doors.

This third door (supply chain) is more ME. I just have to organize the supply chain process. I still get to deal with a lot of people (Sales people, principals, agencies, etc) and I will still closely with my office buddies. What am I afraid of? My savvy is in marketing. I can make marketing presentations and programs even when I am asleep. Supply chain is something that I will still have to learn. I mean I like the challenge but I also know that we (as a company) are pressed for time. I have to deliver results fast. Yes, I can deliver…I just might kill myself in the process (16-hour work shift, pressure, stress…you name it.)

As I said, this is a leap of faith. If they want more from me…then all I can do is TRY.

Waiting and Hoping (My Best Buddy's Wedding)

Sunday, October 8, 9:37 AM

Mood: Tired but happy that I have a 1-day rest period (I had my longest sleep in a week….7 hours!)

Mood Music: 32 Flavors (Alana Davis), In The Absence of The Sun (Duncan Sheik), You Wouldn’t Like Me (Tegan and Sara), You’re All I Have (Snow Patrol)


THE WEEK THAT WAS

I had a real tough week at work. We resumed the implementation of the new SAP Business One system last Tuesday. Thrice this week I went home at 3 in the morning, practically spending the night in our warehouse in Malinta. To say that I am dead tired is an understatement…I am amazed at how my body still hasn’t shut down. The only manifestations of a near-burn out are (1) a punishing back pain, (2) Garfield-sized eyebags and (3) some manageable breakouts.

What kept me going? Finding relief that things are better and smoother than our first SAP Go Live. Of course, there are glitches along the way but this time, I find them more manageable. I am keeping my fingers crossed that we can bring this project to its final successful stage. I just hope that people will remain understanding and patient since we are still dealing with learning curves and on-site troubleshooting.

With the overwhelming pressures from work this week, I had to forgo my usual routines and principles:

- I ate rice almost everyday! (Try the new McDonald’s Rice Burger for a quick and kinda-heavy lunch). I badly need the bad carb to sustain me for my 20-hr shift.
- While I dread driving long distances at night, I did it almost everyday this week (going home to Bulacan or to and from our Malinta warehouse). I had to be force myself to be alert since my body is already reeling from the lack of sleep and lack of food.
- I didn’t work out for the whole week (not even some simple curl-ups).
- I missed Breakfast (the Studio 23 show) three times this week. Watching Breakfast is an essential routine for me since this riles me up for the day, with the token optimism and perkiness of the hosts.
- I didn’t have time to get groceries so there is practically no food at my house!
- Since I was famished most of the time, I think I ate pork two times this week. (Argh!)
- I practically survived on chocolates (no fruits or veggies for me this week!). Trivia: I am officially addicted to Flat Tops and Curly Tops (the one in boxes only).


Today is a Sunday and I am still mulling on how to de-stress. Enough sleep. Check. Update blog (ultimate stress relief!). Check. Listen to relaxing music (The Island is a must-listen!). Check.

What do I do for the afternoon? Do I go to the mall? Do I visit check out the new DVDs from my suki pirates? Do I watch the remaining unwatched episodes of Entourage or Grey’s Anatomy? Or maybe I’ll just get more sleep.


FOREVER WAITS FOR BRYAN AND LESLIE

How can I forget to write about this! I usually cringe at the thought of attending weddings but
last September 16, I attended one of the most-anticipated weddings in our office. After seven years of being together, my good friend Bryan and his long-time girlfriend Leslie became Mr and Mrs. Bryan Lim.

I almost missed the church ceremony. I arrived in time to see the picture taking with family and friends. Although Bryan asked me to read the Responsorial Psalm during the Mass, I had to beg off since my schedule is still unconfirmed (I was supposed to get someone from the airport). I heard that Bryan dissolved in tears during the ceremony. I wasn’t at all surprised since this wedding and this relationship really means so much to Bryan. I am so happy for him.

The reception was held at the Crowne Plaza. By this time I am already feeling edgy. Weeks before the wedding Bryan asked me to make a write-up narrating their story as a couple. Then Bryan requested that I make a speech-toast during the reception. Which is just fine since that will only take a few words. But a day before the wedding, Bryan asked that I read the write-up I made…which is two-pages long!!! For Bryan and Les, I mustered enough courage to speak in front of the guests (which includes all my bosses and their extended family).

I decided not to read the write-up word-for-word since that will be like a newscast. I decided to do some ad-libs and do it in Taglish. What’s the use of a perfect English write-up if the guest won’t listen and get the message? Thank goodness my speech went well (basta hindi ako nag-buckle, ok na yun!)

To Chong and Les, there is no doubt in my mind that you make a perfect couple. I will go so far as say that this is the first wedding that I really wanted to attend, because I believe in your relationship. As I have written in the wish-cards, if I will be asked to make a bet on whose marriage will last until forever, I will answer (hands down), that it will be yours. Continue being the perfect example for us life- and love-weary

Bryan and I share the same principles and sense of responsibility so it is remarkable to see things work out well for him. It made me believe that things will also work out for me. Sniff, sniff.


I WANT UNDERSTANDING, NOT PRESSURE

I already prepared myself for this. With Bryan tying the knot, the love radar will point on me. True enough, while waiting for the reception to start, my two bosses/friends interrogated me on my plans on this department. I know they meant well, it’s just that I don’t like being pressured on this. I want things at my own pace. I believe this is something that CAN wait.

If you only could only see what LIFE has made of me, then you would understand why I am the DIFFICULT KIND.

Please do not summon my dark side. I maybe dwelling on the theoretical POSITIVITY and POSSIBILITY but if that keeps me going, then so be it. It is better than drowning in the MISERY of REALITY. I’ve been there before so trust me on that.



SURVIVOR: COOK ISLANDS

With reality TV season back in full swing, I am again in TV heaven. Survivor and Amazing Race are back! I barely have time to watch TV, but I managed to watch all the current episodes of Survivor. I couldn’t say the same thing about The Amazing Race (I just have to wait for the marathon episodes and the re-runs).

Being the pioneer of the reality TV trend, Survivor well…survives. They managed to raise the bar higher with each season. For Cook Islands, they decided to go multi-racial. They got five participants each of the four races: Caucasians, Asians, Latinos and African-Americans.

Of course, I am rooting for the Asian team with two Filipinos on-board. There is Jenny, a boxer and reporter from a Filipino News Channel. And Brad Virata, a fashion consultant. Both are doing quite well as of Episode 4. Not high-profile but definitely not wallflowers either.

The Asians won the first reward and immunity challenges (plus Yul got the Immunity Idol). By Episode Three, the four racial tribes were dissolved into two. Brad and Jenny are still together as part of the Rarotonga tribe.

Casualties as of Episode 4: three Latinos and one Afri-Am.


USELESS ENTERTAINMENT TRIVIA (Wala lang…just so you know)

Here are some things that I remember which usually surprise those who are not paying much attention:

- Famous Singers On Back-up Vocals: Babyface on Take a Bow (Madonna), Mariah Carey on Everytime I Close My Eyes (Babyface) and Last Chance (Allure), Plumb vocalist Tiffany Arbuckle on I Wanna Be With You (Mandy Moore)
- Justin Timberlake refused to be credited for the song Where Is The Love (Black-Eyed Peas). He wanted the song to be famous because of the message and not because HE is in it.
- Gary Barlow’s (of Take That) first solo single Love Won’t Wait is composed by Madonna.
- Mandy Moore is the voice of Ducky in The Land Before Time. Ducky is the small dinosaur fond of saying Yep, Yep! (Ah…ok)
- Carmine Giovinazzo (Dannie Messer of CSI: NY) is the only actor to appear in all CSI franchises.
- CSI Katherine Willows is the mother of the infected children in Erin Brockovich.
- Wentworth Miller (Michael Scofied of Prison Break) is the guy in Mariah Carey’s It’s Like That and We Belong Together videos.


AGENDA FOR THE WEEK

Sure Shot
- Go to Cebu for SAP Go-Live Cebu Edition
- Go shopping in Cebu (go back to that imported shirt store near Banilad)
- Fix room (broken sink faucet, screens blown by Milenyo)
- Change oil and tune-up for car
- Go back to no-rice diet (Gardenia-Quaker Honey Oat Loaf to the rescue!)
- Clean-out celfon inbox (1,097 messages! Am I freaking crazy?!)

Long Shot
- Get a massage (this back pain is killing me!)
- Be home by 10PM (latest)
- Get at least 6 hours of sleep

Remembering 9/11 and the Storm of the "Milenyo"

Sunday, First of October, 7:49 AM

Mood: Bordering on stressed-out and panic-stricken

Mood Music: You Wouldn’t Like Me (Tegan and Sara), Lonely Day (Phantom Planet), Waiting On The World To Change (John Mayer), I Want To Fall In Love With You (Jars of Clay),

I am about to dive into another hell week…which will most probably turn to hell MONTH. So to rep myself up, I will indulge in the best stress-buster I know of…WRITING. Please bear with this deluge of thoughts, as I have been holding them back for the last few weeks or so.

REMEMBERING 9/11

September 11, 2001. I remember coming home late from my work then as a writer/researcher/artist for a publishing company. The people in my house were already asleep and I was about to have a late dinner in front of the TV. What I saw on CNN news was one of the biggest shocks of my life. I saw the images that this generation will not easily forget.

I recall fearing that a similar attack was happening in Manila, at first confused on which World Trade Center the news was referring to. Then I woke up my sister and we watched the horrific images again and again. It was like watching a sick reality show or a demented “B” action movie. Yes, at that time, I was thinking that maybe this is the end of the world.

Five year hence, the dark cloud of terrorism still looms. It is ironic that while technology is making the world “small” and accessible, diversity (be it religion, race, even belief) is further dividing the human race.

Why can’t we just live and let live?

FROM THE DARKNESS CAME THE REAL “GLITTER”

While, September 11 is the one of the darkest days in modern history, it also marks the darkest day in the personal history of a pop music phenomenon. The WTC attacks coincided with the release of universally-panned “Glitter” soundtrack by the then-infallible Mariah Carey. Like a bad omen, the album cover for Glitter featured the Twin Towers of WTC.

For the record (pun intended), the Glitter album wasn’t that bad (but the movie really sucked). Yes, it was lackluster compared to Mariah’s previous efforts like the groundbreaking Daydream album and Butterfly. Some of the gems in Glitter include the songs Never Too Far and Reflections. It just got lost in the media hype on Mariah’s apparent emotional breakdown, the repulsive Loverboy video and the pressure from Virgin Records.

Now, Glitter is ancient history. While it could have easily been Mariah’s demise as a record-breaking singer, trust Mariah to turn it into a platform to greater heights. As we all know, 2005 belonged to Mariah Carey. She staged the biggest comeback for a fallen star, slapped her detractors in the face as she amassed critical and commercial acclaim with the biggest song that year (We Belong Together) and the best-selling album (aptly titled The Emancipation of Mimi).

Kudos to MC! I know it is very Oprah but I have always rallied behind the underdogs, the people who overcame personal tragedies and the people who made things happen despite of and in spite of.

Shout-out: Howdy, Francis (a.k.a Lestat), one of the biggest MC fan I know. Hope you are reading this and hope you are chasing your own rainbow in Canada.

STORM OF THE “MILENYO”

I was in (I think) in fourth grade when the last super typhoon passed Bulacan (Yoling, if memory serves me right). Me as a little boy felt afraid, excited and awe-struck at the same time. Afraid of what damage it might bring (especially the dreaded flood from a nearby river). Excited on the possibility of playing in the floodwaters. And I am awe-struck at the power than nature can muster, like a simple reminder that we are just a speck in the universe.

That same feeling hit me again last Thursday when Milenyo’s eye glared at Metro Manila. But this time I am more afraid than excited, though still awe-struck. It is not often that a category 3 storm passes through Manila. It is interesting to see how the supposed stronghold capital of the nation will hold up to a hissy fit from nature.

By noon, Milenyo had his presence felt. It is eerie to hear the wind howl and our building creak and groan in response. Our work was cancelled by noon (because power was out, not because of the perils of the storm, mind you) and I went out to witness Milenyo’s wrath from a safe distance. Call me a frustrated meteorologist and geologist but I have always been fascinated by the fury of nature. I was shocked to see that it was practically The Day After Tomorrow outside the office. The gale-foce winds were spectacular as it tried to blow everything away. I parked my car in a safer location and the car was practically shaking from the wind. After I re-parked, I was watching my car, afraid that it will get toppled over by the wind.

Since, power was knocked off, I decided to go home to Bulacan where there is water and power. I spent an hour and a half stuck in traffic in A. Bonifacio. Turned out a huge tree fell down near Cloverleaf so that only one out of the four lanes was passable. And all around me, the devastation feels like warp zone. The McDonald’s sign is now a “W” and Jollibee’s face is smiling even if he is hanging upside-down.

Apparently Manila’s megastructures cannot deal with nature’s wrath. Within an hour after Milenyo’s worst lashing, the wide-spread destruction is evident. Billboards fell onto buildings or passing cars. Even container vans were toppled over. Power was out in almost all areas because of electric posts fell like toothpicks (visions of electric bamboo posts for the future).

It is heart-wrenching to see the trees (which we badly need) that were toppled over. More than the billboards and damaged building, I think the trees are the most irreplaceable. It will take years before we can grow trees these big! I hope somebody will organize a campaign to replace these trees. Count me in!

One day after Milenyo and everyone is still reeling from its effects. I, myself have to spend Friday night in the car since there was no power in my house in QC. I only came home at dawn when there was some light. Only then did I sleep. Luckily, power in our office was restored by the next day so we had a refuge during the day.

Looking back, it was amazing how the telecom companies kept their service at the height of the storm. I just wished that they could have extended some public service and warned everyone via text where the storm really is and how powerful it is that everyone is advised to stay put until the worst is over. I think since Manila residents are unfamiliar with the perils of going out in a category 3 storm, some people still went out, resulting to cars that were crushed under posts or billboards.

Please help the victims of the storm. You can Donate-A-Load to Red Cross by texting RED and send to 2899.

Hodge Podge (The Third Serving)

Sunday, September 3

Mood: Walking the fine line between cool/nonchalant and distressed/world-weary


It feels like 400 years since I’ve last updated this poor old blog. Maybe because it’s been that looooong. I wish I can say that I’ve redeemed my social life and shared my story to real people, as opposed to immortalizing my thoughts on an amorphous space on the internet for all the world to frown upon.

But I won’t make pretenses. Top excuses would be (1) that I don’t have enough time (I’d rather have the mandatory sleep coz I’ve been exhibiting signs of anemia) and (2) that my resources have been restrained and limited (like I was an over-abusive and under-performing imp). Well, that’s life. I am mature enough to roll with the punches and not make a big deal out of something so rudimentary.

Below is the 400-years-worth of musings from an inhibited and restless soul.

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PERSONAL PICKS

New Music on heavy rotation: Chasing Cars (Snow Patrol), In The Sun (Coldplay feat Michael Stipe), How To Save A Life (The Fray), Leave The Pieces (The Wreckers) and ok…Breaking Free (from High School Musical; the eternal kid in me has been soaring… flying… and infected by this virus).

Recurrent Music on heavy rotation: 1979 (Smashing Pumpkins), Still (Macy Gray), Cats In A Cradle (DMC feat Sarah McLachlan), Shine On Me (Watershed), Out Of My Mind (True Steppers)

Highly Recommend Albums: OST – Grey’s Anatomy, Under The Iron Sea (Keane), The Island (Agot Isidro)

Top-Viewed Videos: Me & You (Cassie), Is It Any Wonder? (Keane)

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LAST SONG SYNDROME

Have your ever encountered a song that at first makes you go what-the-fuck-is-that? Because it has an incessant weird beat and it sounds so different from the artist’s previous works. But upon further listening, you got into the hidden groove and suddenly couldn’t get enough of the song. Yes, I am talking about Sexy Back (Justin Timberlake). While I believe that JT is way more talented that the alumni of the boyband pack, I didn’t know he can give Madonna a run for the reinvention crown.

And have you encountered a song which annoys you from your first listen up til the last time you heard in on the radio (like 5 minutes ago)? And then you got the shock of your life when you learned that it is the #1 song in the U.S of A. Yeah, I’m talking about Fergie’s London Bridge. Until now, I can’t make sense of her lyrics: How come everytime you come around my London Bridge wanna go down. Duh! Tsk, tsk…Fergie is better off with the other Peas.

I have been very vocal about how I liked Disney’s High School Musical. Blame it on the frustrated singer in me. But I didn’t know that I will have a stigma from it. Now every time Breaking Free is played on the office radio, no less than four people will send me a winpop saying: “O ayan na favorite mo” or “Uy...kumakanta na yan!”

U-oh, here come Breaking Free again.


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OLDER….SUPPOSEDLY WISER

I know that I am mature beyond my years. Because LIFE happened to me and I have the scars to prove it.

Based on my experiences and observation, here are sure-fire signs that you are an emotionally-developed human being:

--> If you are a girl, you do not look for a boyfriend with Hollywood looks, you look for stability and companionship. If you are a guy, you want to marry at age 30+ when you are stable and companionable.

-->You deal with problems the best way you can (by finding its resolution or simply crying it to sleep) before you get outside help (of your friends or for god’s sake…your parents!)

--> Speaking of friends, you have learned to go around the oh-so-high-school term called peer pressure.

--> You have permanently retired the “the world hates me” angst of early adolescence. Instead you realize that the world does not revolve around you and that each of us has our own cross to bear. It goes without saying…nasa pagdadala lang yan.

--> You do not lament over the PAST, but instead prepare for the FUTURE.

--> You are OC about your hard-earned money…as opposed to “spend now, cry and save later.”

--> You know when to talk and when to shut your mouth. To paraphrase, your mind is faster than your tongue.

--> You acknowledge that while you are good at something, some people are better at other things. So no need to act all high and mighty…or no need to act insecure. In the grand scheme of things, we are all equal.

--> You do not make up for your incompetence by finding the flaws of other people. People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.

--> You have seen the grey between white and black. Also known as compromise.

--> You lost the eye-for-an-eye thirst for revenge. For you know than sometimes it is better to just grin and bear it, instead of getting even or getting evil.

--> You have a blog citing what it feels like to be mature.


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WHAT GOES AROUND…

I may not believe in religion but I do believe in comeuppance (karma, in layman’s term). Both the good and the bad kind.

So when I have the urge to lash out at someone, I just leave it to LIFE to deal with them. How mature, eh?

Maybe the bitches will have asshole husbands who will make them wish that forever will end sooner than later. Maybe the asshole husbands will have terminal diseases which will make them suffer a slow death. Maybe the blabbermouths will get a dose of their own medicine and have their dirt become the talk of the town for years to come. Maybe the sloths and free loaders will find non-stop work keeping the flames of hell alive.

I still believe that there is some justice in this world.

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ONE UP FOR TREE HILL

I recently finished the third season of One Tree Hill. Their latest (which might have been their last season), was a greater improvement from their second season, where nothing memorable happened. I am glad they were given another season to prove their worth.

Move over The O.C., I now concede and declare that One Tree Hill is better. Their script and dialogues alone have the makings of a literary gem. I like how they start most episodes with a famous quote and end it with another quote to make it come full circle. Not to mention that the soundtrack to all their shows are simply awesome. Good thing there are sites citing the songs that were played on a particular TV show or movie.

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THE HUNT IS SADLY OVER

Upon opening Yahoo News, I was hit by one of the most shocking news of late. Steve Irwin (or Crocodile Hunter to Animal Planet freaks) died when he was stung by a sting ray while he was shooting a documentary off the coast of Australia. He was 44. While sting ray barbs are excruciatingly painful, they are not usually fatal. It is just unfortunate that he was hit in his chest and direct to his heart.

I am not a fan of Steve but being a Animal Planet freak, he was always an amusing presence especially with his highly animated expression in the face of danger and his weird accent. Though his work involved flirting with perils and death, his demise comes as some sort of a freakish accident. Imagine after battling it out with wilder animals, he succumbed to a relatively tamer animal. The only comfort is that he died doing what he loved best. Most of us will not be that lucky.

To a respected environmentalist and one of Australia’s best exports, thank your for showing us the magnificence of the wild and the beauty in danger. Your hunt maybe over but the thrill of it will last longer than your beloved crocs.

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I, COUCH POTATO

I am addicted…to watching TV shows on DVD that is. And with entire seasons of popular TV shows now available in 1-season-per-disk formats at your favorite pirates at unbelievable prices, who wouldn’t surrender to the addiction?

My recent haul involved buying full seasons of Grey’s Anatomy, CSI: New York, How I Met Your Mother, Desperate Housewives, Supernatural and Sex and The City. I am now in the prowl for my other favorite shows, even the older one: Six Feet Under, Prison Break, Dawson’s Creek, The X-Files and Felicity. And I heard that House, Cold Case and Entourage are also good buys.

For losers like us who come home to late-night news or even static (station sign-off), this is akin to mana from TV heaven.

Sentiments in Mono

I used to care about you. Until you started drowning in your glassful of water. Wake up, dear friend. You still haven’t felt what it is like to play in the ocean. Even Nemo came to his senses.

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Waiting for you means I’m blowing my other chances.
And you know I am not much of a gambler.

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Just when I find it in me to BELIEVE, the world gives me more reasons NOT TO.

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To love means to see someone beyond what they are NOT.

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My soul is evaporating.
Someone please saturate me.

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They say that the best things in life are FREE.
I say that there is a price you have to pay for everything. Sooner or later.

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IT may not be right for you but it is heaven to me. And maybe to me alone.
If I want to linger, would you understand?

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You want more from me. All I can do is TRY.

Failure To Launch

In my five year of corporate work, this first week of August was, hands down, the most-nerve racking and most taxing. Many a times during this week, I wanted to succumb to the pressure and just explode with anger or fold up in utter frustration.

Yes, I was thisclose to losing it. The harder part is that I have to appear “sane” because there are people who need my guidance. Me losing it is akin to adding fuel to an already scorching fire.

I’ve spent 3 months work of extra work in order to put in place a new system called SAP. August 1 is supposed to be D Day - the first day of go-live. I must admit we weren’t that ready despite being given a 1 month extension. But we carried on and decided that we will just solve the glitches as they come. For we won’t know what is wrong until we have tried everything under conditions of normalcy.

Like a precursor of bad things to come, I was hit by an ambulance on my way to the office, at the corner of Araneta and Del Monte. Stupid ambulance decided to go against the traffic, without a siren or even frantic honking. Since I was blindsighted by a jeep on my left, how was I supposed to know that there was an opposing ambulance when it was my lane that had the green light?

At early morning, it was sickening to hear the sound of metal crunching, no matter how slight. Thankfully, I just got a dented bumper and slightly scratched headlight. Plus a slight phobia whenever I pass through that area.

No surprise: stupid ambulance didn’t even stop to check and own up to the damage.

Now back to the main story. I reported early to work to prepare for the worst in our SAP Go Live. At the very first hour of go-live, we already experienced backlog when the system turned out to be slower than usual. Amidst entertaining panicked queries here and there, I had to stay calm and tried to motivate the increasingly distressed invoicing people. They, after all, have to deliver the ordered items by next day or risk paying penalty.

By lunch time, we have just processed a meager third of the normal volume of sales orders. I already joined in the encoding the orders, just to be able to forward as many orders as we can to Warehouse and Delivery. Quick lunch by 3pm.

By 10 pm, I heard the alarming news that the printing of invoices at our remote warehouse is failing. At a normal day, everything is done by 10pm (all next-day delivery already loaded in the trucked, complete with the requisite papers). I immediately shifted to Plan B and asked the warehouse people to go to our main office to print.

I needed to get a little snooze at past 12 midnight. When I opened my eyes, the warehouse people were already in our office. And so we continued processing the orders until morning of the next day.

To cut the story short, after 2 days of overnight operations due to backlog, we had to declare system failure and revert back (for now) to the original system. We will re-try again on September 1.

It goes without saying that I was depressed. The system failed and I take ownership of the work backlog (the domino effect of which took us one week to correct) and unprocessed sales orders. I was appalled to see some people cry from sheer frustration on the new system and I can’t blame them.

I was physically tired and mentally drained. You know how it feels when you have tried everything and still it wasn’t good enough. Part of me wished I can take everything back. But for now, all I can do is to ensure them that it won’t happen again.

In these trying times there are two things that kept me from going to the deep end. One is the Beth Orton song Oooh Child. It made me look forward to the day when things are gonna be easier and brighter. When I’ll get it together and get it all done.

The last and the single most important thing is the fact that most people understood. Though I take full responsibility of what happened, it was comforting to know that people didn’t blame us. If anything, they acknowledged our hard work and the fact that no one wanted such system failure to happen. I didn’t hear one harsh word from our big bosses, even at the face of delivery penalty and lost sales. They were more concerned about our health since we have been working literally non-stop for 3 days.

In writing this, I am putting the last week behind and putting it in a drawer marked “experience” and “life lessons.”

Like phoenix, I am determined to rise from the ashes.

Breakfast....Downsized!

Disclaimer: This was written last Friday, July 14, but posted only now. Sorry about that.


Kill me now. Though I feel happy it when it rains, an overstaying downpour can be such a damper (pun intended). For three days in a row, I have to drag myself out of bed (the cold weather plus the late nights in the office took its toll on my sleeping patterns). I haven’t had any exercise in a week. And the “TO DO” list on my planner has stretched to three pages loooong.

But the real bummer came this morning as soon as I open my eyes. I found out that two of my virtual friends are abandoning me. With my social life that borders on non-existent, there is one thing I turn to for “company” and that’s the ever-reliable TV. My morning staple is Breakfast…Supersize (Studio 23, 6AM).

In a drastic and surprising move, they announced today that Bam Aquino and Marieton Pacheco will sign-off as hosts.

Why, why, why?! I always thought that Breakfast has the right mix of hosts. If you want high-brow and serious, there is Bam. If you want light but with substance, there is Marieton. Perky and fun is Patty. Smart and goofy is Atom. Smart and naughty is Asia. The other hosts (JC, Wacky, Juddha and Angel) are neophytes compared to the other five, but they are getting there.

Yes, I understand that Bam and Marieton are more senior and they have “outgrown” the show but I thought the show was aimed at yuppies. With the remaining hosts, it now points its radar to the college and post-college/pre-work populace. I don’t think the remaining hosts can handle heavier stuff like, say, politics and business.

No one does political interview with the wit, passion and “lightness” of Bam. The only thing close is Ryan, but he has also graduated from the Breakfast gang. And with Marieton out, Breakfast lost one of the smartest and prettiest girls (my weakness) in the newsroom. Marieton will be transferred to Mornings at ANC (which will be too serious for me). Bam will be part of Y-Speak but if there is one part that I want Bam to play…it is being president of this country.

So today was the token farewell episode for the two. And episodes like this make me nostalgic that I just wanna stay at home and sulk.

I hope Breakfast will get “meatier” replacements for Bam and Marieton. After all, they have big “appetites” to fill. And I hope Studio 23 will re-evaluate further before they do any drastic reformats. This has been the third of its kind that makes me think that Studio 23 is losing it.

First, they reformatted Gameplan and put in “un-fit” host (pun intended) and poor production (one time, I even saw the overhead microphone). They cannot regain Gameplan’s glory when Carlo, Akiko, Rovilson and Trisha were there. And in another stupid move, they changed F! to Us Girls. F! has all the ingredients of an intelligent lifestyle show (that guys can watch). Us Girls was just….maarte girls gabbing all the way.

I have always applauded Studio 23 for coming up with intelligent local shows. I know ratings matter (hence, the reformats) but I hope they realize they have found a niche…loyal viewers who think of them as KABARKADA (just like what their station ID says).

My Take On Rizal And Other Academic Adventures

It’s school time once again! Brings back the smell of fresh crayons, newly sharpened pens, bubble-gummy erasers and new notebooks and textbooks (obviously, I never outgrew first grade).

Speaking of textbooks, you might chance upon your housemates holding a Rizal textbook called “Over His Dead Body.” Although I cringe at the audacity of the title, I cannot be-rate it so much as I am part of this book.

Two years ago, I was asked to contribute to an English rework of a Tagalog Rizal book. Why the principal authors chose me, I wouldn’t know. All I know is that they are colleagues of my Mom and they somehow knew of my journalism work in high school and my first job in a publishing company.

So I accepted the challenged and slaved for days brushing up on my kinakalawang na Tagalog, and some Spanish to boot. I was assigned to translate the history of Rizal’s last farewell as well as translate to English Rizal’s Mi Ultimo Adios. The former is relatively easy as I just have to re-state in English how I understand the historical facts. The latter was more nerve-racking as I was scared of ruining the sanctity of that immortal piece.

I refused to read the many Tagalog translations of Mi Ultimo Adios and translate directly to English. That was easy but I was aghast at how most of the Tagalog translations already re-interpreted the poem so that it has lost its “soul.” Poems should be left as they are because their beauty lies on how the reader will interpret it. Having said that, it is senseless to make a poem on how you interpreted another poem.

So I went long cut and read Rizal’s original Spanish piece and translated it word for word to English and then looped them up into a complete poem. I remember being such an OC on the translation that I couldn’t decide for days if I were to use Fatherland or Motherland. Technically, it was Fatherland (adios, PATRIA adorada) but Motherland was more accepted and more poetic.

I hope Rizal is nor turning in his grave after my “vandalism” of his work.

Months after I submitted the final draft, I received the final published copy of the book. Two things hit me like a bullet in Luneta (ok… bad pun). One is the title of the textbook (enough said) and the other is my name on the acknowledgment page. It read: “The translated version of Mi Ultimo Adios in English is made through the efforts of Mr. Bernard Crisostomo, a poet and writer of Malolos, Bulacan.”

OK… “Mr” makes me look old…“Writer” is acceptable…. but “poet!” I have published a grand total of four poems in the school paper before but I don’t know if that qualifies me as a poet. Well, at least they got my name and birthplace right.

I heard unfounded rumors that this book has been bought for publication in the US. If that happens, then a Pulitzer Prize might not be far behind. Haha…dream on!!! If only this book has a title that sounds more like a textbook/reference book and not like a slasher gothic novel.


Blog Exclusive!

Note: “Blog Exclusive” is a bonus feature in this blog. This indicates things that I seldom or will never talk about. Yeah, kinda ironic I know coz I am immortalizing it in print here. All I am saying is this a peek into my very personal space, a bonus for those who fondly read my blogs. You can can quote what I say here but I will deny it vehemently in person. It should be just between the two of us. Ayt?

Beginning this blog, I will also start my Top 5 Whatever, which is somehow related to the topic of my blog. Since it is back to school time, here goes my…

My Top 5 School Memories (A Blog Exclusive!!!)

5. Being locked inside the UP College of Business Admin Building not once but twice! The org tambayans are in the topmost floor and we were busy doing orgwork/thesis work and somehow the guards conveniently forgot to check if there are still humans upstairs. On our first lockdown, the guard at the Econ Building saw us and let us out (but not without a token memo from our College Secretary). On our second lockdown, we had to let ourselves out through the windows of the 2nd floor back lobby which leads to the 1st floor lobby overhang and then to a low concrete wall. I got bruises to show for it.

4. Like Jesus, I fell three times! Episode #1 was during 3rd grade on our way to First Friday Mass. We were all in line and walking steadily until the newly waxed wooden stairs decided to teach me a lesson in friction (or lack thereof) and I slid down the stairs. I went down 5 steps sitting on my ass and the only redeeming factor was that I didn’t stumble over the people infront (which would have triggered a domino effect). Episode #2 was in 1st Year High School when I slipped on mud while playing a very childish game. Good thing I had a jacket to cover my muddied pants. Episode #3 was in college (yes, college!) when I was walking briskly at Edsa cor. Q. Ave carrying all my presentation materials. My kinda-long jeans unfolded and I tripped! That led to the biggest knee bruise I ever got.

3. Getting Physical with the Bully. I was having an asaran session with one of our classroom bullies and to stress my point I pointed a finger to his face. To my horror, I miscalculated my move and I ended up poking his big eyes. Dear bully cried like a baby and when our teacher arrived, he came to my defense and reprimanded dear bully even more (ha, the perks of being a teacher’s pet).

2. My Turn As Dracula. As a member of the Drama Club in elementary (and a multi-awarded classroom actor to boot), I was asked to be the Dracula in the Horror Booth for the school fair. I was positioned in a makeshift bridge which the students cross to get to the exit. And from the darkness I was supposed to spook them out. I must have been on my best-actor mode coz this 2nd grade hit me on the face as I was scaring him. To get my revenge I chased him to the exit where a hideous monster awaits him. The power of two horrors was too much... he fainted.

1. The Real Horror. For a strictly Catholic school, our elem school was besieged with spooky tales and urban legends that you cannot separate the real from the legends. Who can forget the corridors that gets eerie at twilight and the forbidden areas where nuns stay but are infested by bats. There were the “dark” days in 4th grade when Satanism was the buzz word. People with red eyes supposedly kidnap students for their liver, the sun supposedly danced and we feared the 3 days of darkness. My own encounter with the unexplainable kind happened in 6th grade. I have this spooked-out feeling the entire day and I have to stay late despite the early dismissal. After my library duty, I got out to get some air and noticed this weird cloud formation that reminds me of an Archangel (the one in the Ginebra bottles). Later that day, I heard news that an Archangel was seen near Taal Volcano. But the real horror was when my school service-mates and I were sitting in the middle stairway facing the highschool building (across the quadrangle). It was almost twilight by then and the entire school was almost empty. We were talking and my gaze suddenly turned to a classroom in the high school building. There, in the far side, sat a lone black figure with long hair. It was facing the blackboard then its head slowly turned to my direction. I didn’t check out what it was, I just ran for dear life to the nearest gate. My companions didn’t even know what hit me. Maybe what I saw was nothing but a trick of my eye but that incident still gives me goose bumps to this day. During my sister’s stay in that highscool, there were more bizarre tales (of possessed student and more haunting visions).

Goodbye, My Toshiba (Meet My New Baby)

This past two days, I’ve been walking on air and hugging a precious white thing on my arms like a long-lost lover. The precious white thing happens to be a new Toshiba Satellite A100 laptop. At this very moment I am stroking its soft keys as I watch my thoughts appear on the pristine wide screen. Once in a while, I glance at its smooth white casing (a Mac it's not but I'd settle for this). Any tech whore will get a natural high in having this new plaything.

After more than a year of sitting in my corner, silently weeping and slaving on my fully-depreciated laptop, I finally earned enough good feng shui points for our company to bless me with this new baby. Good things really come to those who wait. When this baby arrived, I went immediately to our VP Finance and asked her to check if I got the right unit. The set was really beautiful and I was containing my excitement just in case there was a mistake. I can’t deal with disappointment on a tech-y level.

After checking the invoice amount, this baby was declared officially mine. I spent the most part of my day transferring files and installing programs to give this baby the signature Bernard mark. Then I readied my old trusty Toshiba laptop for its next heir apparent. I removed all the files that has maxed out the hard drive and exhausted most of its memory.

So to my old Toshiba laptop, thank you and I wish you well. It pains me to see you go coz we have shared so much history in this past 3 years or so. You were with me during the nerve-racking presentations and very seldom did you fail me. On the few times that you did, I understand that it is only out of sheer exhaustion coz we worked overtime days before that. You were with me in the late of night and in the wee hours of the morning, analyzing data and compiling reports while cheesy pop music blares from your speakers. We both work while sharing a bag of Lay’s Salt & Vinegar and we would laugh at the crumbs left in the corners of my mouth and in between your keyboards. And who can forget the time when my boss spilled Pokka green tea on you while we were in a major meeting. You remembered my lessons on being tough and didn’t succumb to the liquid invasion. In no time you were working like nothing happened.

I now bequeath you to your next owner who I am sure will take care of you. Do not be jealous of my new baby coz you will always be the first. And I will just be a workstation away, we will still see each other often. You will still be under my watchful eyes and God knows what I will do if I ever see you being maligned. I will keep the number of Bantay Laptop (a.k.a. Mikokak) handy, just in case.

Be nice to your next owner as you were with me. I know you’ve had your tantrums in the past but I managed to appease them. Do not conk out when she is at wit’s end preparing her business review. Do not hang just when she is so engrossed in work that she forgot to save her current working file (but then you have always had this amazing recovery capacity). Keep your power cord tidy so she will not accidentally trip on it and unplug it, turning your power off. Be patient with her as she has more supply of Pokka green tea than our boss. I am not sure if you can take another liquid attack.

And to my new Toshiba, fret not. You cannot find a better owner than me. Here’s to all the presentations and datawork that we will be doing. Cheers!

Whoa! I can’t believe I just wrote an ode to my old laptop and a toast to the new one. I really need to get a life.

Parental Guidance

Mood: Pensive, Nostalgic...Fatherly

Mood Music: Elsewhere (Bethany Joy Lenz), Promise of You (Edwin McCain), How (Lisa Loeb), Brighter Than Sunshine (Aqualung)


Browsing through the newspaper this morning, I realized that today was my least favorite day of the year. Yes, Father's Day is something absurd and alien to me. Short of drowning in bitterness of the past years and cursing the universe, I instead decided to be mature (read: fatherly) and accept the things that just can't be.

Still, reading articles paying tribute to great dads brought back a deluge of memories. Not just of a past that is best left forgotten (in a box of memory labelled as "LIFE LESSONS"), but of my own experience as a quasi-father.

I became a father at age 13; but not because my raging hormones got the best of me. My mom decided to have another child after ten years. The initial reaction was, of course, excitement. After putting up with each other's whimsies, my sister and I will finally have a new playmate. But soon after the screaming bundle of joy came, we realized that our life will never be the same again. Being ate and kuya entails responsibilities and sacrifices. To put it bluntly, it robbed us of what was left of our childhood days and thrust us head-on in a very adult world. At age 10 and 13.

I remember waking up at the middle of the night to frantic wailing and fighting off sleep while preparing the milk formula to appease the screaming little villain (we didn't have a yaya then). Then the paranoaia if the milk will not do wonders and the wailing continues (oh no, something might be wrong with him!). I remember spending the entire afternoon washing dirty lampins (yes, laced with poopoo). When he was able to trash his little body, I remember my attempts to confine him in his little space with tons of pillows but at the same time preventing suffocation. Then there are the futile attempts to keep everything out of his grubby hands and his unstoppable mouth that wants to eat anything colorful (mental flashes of me eating mothballs at age 2).

Of course, there were the cute funny moments. His attempts to imitate or narrate anything he sees on television. The quips that will easily make it to Kids Say The Darnest Thing. His improvised toys (until now we call a folder slider "handa" coz he used it as a sword). The bulol words that soon found its way into our household vocabulary (ei-dor for electic fan, mineWAL water, south UMA-market, toi-LATE). The wide-eyed (and I mean WIDE-eyed) awe at seeing or experiencing new things. The things he fears and how we will sometimes feed the fear so that he will cry and make sumbong (maybe this was our childish way of getting back at him).

The funniest experience I can remember is his huge fear of ABS-CBN's sarimanok (their station logo at that time). Channel 2 has a promo where you will write down the shows where the sarimanok will appear. We didn't know how that fear started but he will really be hysterical and will run outside (or to the arms of anyone of us) whenever he hears the sound or sees the sarimanok. The funny thing is that after a while, he WOULD know when (2 seconds before) the sarimanok will actually appear so that he was already running away from the TV. Call it kid's instinct or weird talent but he will always be correct! If the contest was "Guess When The Sarimanok Will Appear", we would have been millionaires. Looking back, our theory was that he saw something real scary on TV and the sarimanok appeared so he associated the sarimanok as a precedent to something scary.

Three years later, another bundle of joy arrived (the last one, at last!). Imagine having a new baby and a 3-year old brat. Double the work… twice the cost. Three times the fun (two individual antics plus their "combined" antic). This page will not be enough if I were to narrate all the things I can remember.

The scariest and cutest thing that we will always remember was when the two of them was separated from us in the supermarket, when they were 2 and 5 years old. We found them already outside the supermarket. 5-Year Old was acting like a little kuya while consoling the already crying 2-Year Old ("Wag ka na umiyak, makikita din nila tayo").

From little brats there are now big brats. The 5-Year Old consoling the 2-Year Old is now 1st-Year-High-School fighting with 3rd-Year-High-School every five seconds. The babies you confined so lovingly in a safe place are now out of the house for the most part of the day (to God knows where).

And here I am, older and maybe wiser. My fatherly instinct for my siblings has stuck. Part of me wants them to have a better life (I do not want them to experience what I experienced growing up). But I don't want them to have an easy life either coz it will just destroy them eventually. I want them to also experience hardships (as I have) so they learn the value of things. I want them to make mistakes also and get life lessons from these mistakes. I want them to be equipped with everything material and immaterial for the real-world battles that await them. But how do you do that when you see them only on weekends and by then you are too tired to even care?

So to all decent and responsible fathers out there, Happy Father's Day! I think if all of us will be good parents then this world will be a much better place. Being good parents might just be our best contribution to this world and our only shot at immortality.

Reality Blues

Wednesday, May 31 My House in QC
Mood: Bliss...bordering on stupid bliss (I had quite a long sleep...six hours is already "long" for me)
Music: None...TV (as expected) is showing "Breakfast" on Studio 23


Yeah, I know. Where have I been? It's been more than two weeks since I last updated my blog. I've been running to hell and back. Check out the burn marks.

I remember one officemate asking me if I ever get tired. I said I do, but I haven't reached my breaking point..again. I've reached it before but thankfully I've managed to back down and focus on other things. Another friend advised me to stop and smell the flowers. I said the flowers will always be there as long as you are on the right road (the one with proverbial greener and greener pastures on both sides). That shut up her up.

I am hopeless. I have no concept of time other than it is flying.

I have two-weeks worth of muddled thoughts. Here goes some of them...

Making It Real. I am a sucker for reality shows. Survivor. The Amazing Race. The Apprentice. American Idol. And yes, even Pinoy Big Brother. And mind you, these are the groundbreaking ones and the more "sane", more creative (if not wittier) reality shows. I will never watch the mundane and overzealous ones like Project Runway, the Bachelor, High School Reunion, etc. But I've succumbed before to The Newlyweds. There is guilty pleasure in watching Jessica Simpson make a fool of herself. I just can't believe how her brainless antics can translate to her huge CD sales in the US. I guess ignorance begets ignorance.

With US TV season almost over, most of my favorite reality shows have had their season finales. And how unlucky was I this season! All of my favorites had to settle for runner-up honors, even if they are the most deserving. Grrrr... fate really has a weird way of twisting things.

Amazing Race. The Amazing Race was kinda toned down this season. Less bitching, less breakdowns, less screw-ups. I can't believe the teams are even helping each other out (especially the ones with non-elimination penalty). Yeah, I'll say this season was kinda boring but they did ran a good race. My favorites were Eric and Jeremy (the so-called "frat girls"). I swear they are the anti-thesis of frat boys. They are somewhat nice, have tolerable ego and definitely not power trippers. Only three things justify their frat boy status, they excel in physical challenges, they don't do well on mental challenges (which will be their downfall later) and they sometimes let their testosterones get the most of them (too bad the all-girl teams have to exit early).

I want them to win coz they are nice/honest and they finished first in more pitstops than any other team. And they were able to accomplish this without resorting to back-stabbing, deception or outside help (which is very common in Amazing Race). I couldn't say the same thing with eventual winner BJ and Tyler (the Hippies). They finished last two times and were only lucky because both times were non-elimination legs. They made other teams fight with each other. And they are just lucky that the final challenge was metal (they were geeks after all). They are just downright lucky! Damn! I would go further and say that they are the most un-deserving winners of Amazing Race.


Survivor. This season of Survivor was more exciting because new mechanics came into play (Exile Island and immunity idol) and the challenges were modified and more complex. My early favorites were Nick and Teri, but with Nick (considered a threat) eliminated early, I only had to root for Teri. Teri is, hands down, the most deserving to win the title (as bad boy Shane would admit later). He was the last man standing from his original tribe (and thus had to survive being an "outsider" in the merger tribe), he found the immunity idol at first try and won 5 straight immunity challenges.

Teri's downfall was also the final immunuity challenge which has to do with balance. It didn't help that he won the reward challenge before that so he was well-fed and maybe heavy with food. Of course, Danielle, the last girl standing, won the immunity and had to pick the who will join her in the final two. She voted out Teri in favor of tribemate Aras!

Danielle was more of a wallflower and it was really a lose-lose situation for her. But I think it was a stupid move to vote out Teri. Yes, the jury might think (like me) that Teri is very deserving but Danielle should have seen that there is that off-chance that her tribemates might stick with her enough to make her a winner.

It wasn't a surprise that Aras won. Although I have never liked Aras, I think if not Teri, then it would have to be Aras.

The only negative thing that I can say about Teri is that he was was so damn possessive of the immunity idol. On the final night when the immunity idol can be used, Teri was safe from being eliminated. He could have given the immunity idol to Danielle so she need not go for a tie breaker with Cerie for the third spot. Until now I couldn't understand what Teri's gameplan was in not "sharing" the immunity idol. If he had done that, then for sure Danielle will pick him in the final two which will then seal his fate as the winner. I think as with real life, one decision can greatly change the outcome of things.

American Idol. This a reality show that is bordering on no-brainer but being a music-lover, I can't help but be hooked. Katherine and Cris were my early favorites, Katherine for her looks and talent and Cris just because he really rocks. But soon after, I realized that the other contestants were really more vocally talented than Katherine, I was just thrown off by her looks. Cris was ok but his voice is really suited for rock songs and is thus limiting. Yet I was shocked when Cris was first voted out of the final four. By then, I was wondering what Katherine was doing there in the final three. I was expecting a Cris-Elliot showdown in the finale.

Elliot didn't register on my AI radar until the final 12. Elliot slowly made his way to the top, getting better and better with each performance. In some of his pieces, Elliot even sounded better than the originals. I really like his version of "I Don't Wanna Be" and "On Broadway."

Elliot (who I fondly call Mr Tulmus...remember Chronicles of Narnia?) made Paula cry in one of his sentimental pieces. In another performance, Simon remarked that he maybe the best male vocal they've had EVER (eat your heart out Clay Aiken!). I think he never got scathy remarks from Simon. It was also a joy watching Elliot and his Mom and the way Elliot cried when he was shown his homecoming footage. I always root for the nice guy, in my belief that nice guys don't finish last (if you look at the total picture).

I knew Elliot didn't have Taylor's charisma and Katherine's looks but I was hoping that America will recognize talent (as they have done before with Kelly, Fantasia and Rueben...only Carrie had the combination of looks and talent). So I was depressed when Elliot was voted out in the final three...in an almost 3-way tie which has to be scrutinized to the decimal point.

I swore to boycott the finale but then there was nothing to watch in my non-cable TV in my house in Manila. So I had no choice but watch the finale which proved to be quite spectacular.

In the Taylor-Katherine showdown, I had to go for Taylor. He brings a new musical genre to the often-too-pop American Idol. He really nailed it in his final song prompting Simon to declare that, based on that performance, he is the American Idol. Taylor asked in his final piece - do I make you proud? Yes you do, Taylor.

Even after being booted out, Elliot proved in the finale that he is a force to reckon with. He shone in his performances (with the other contestants and especially in his duet with Mary J. Blije). You could hear the audience cheering everytime it was Elliot's turn to sing. I really hope Elliot will get a recording contract. I'm sure Cris will get one, what with the resurgence of rock/alternative music.

Incidentally, Mandy was also rooting for Elliot and later Taylor. She even watched Taylor practice his finale pieces and was there to cheer her own in the actual finale.

Pinoy Big Brother. With my losing streak with regards to my reality bets, I dare not tell the world who I want to win for PBB; lest I jeopardize HER (there goes your clue) chances of winning. In hushed voice now...peng you yi shen yi qi zou, ne xie re shi bu zhai you.

Sigh! With reality TV season over, there is nothing to look forward to anymore. Ok, I'm exaggerating... there is still CSI, CSI New York and Grey's Anatomy on cable. And thanks (sic) God I was able to get Season 3 of One Tree Hill from my suki DVD pirate. Too bad The O.C. Season 3 is still incomplete. I heard that a major character will die in the Season 3 finale.

So until the next season of reality shows, I would have to contend with my own reality. Another heavy sigh!

XOXO


Blogger's Note: I composed this blog last week but was able to post it just now. As of posting time, PBB has declared it's winner. And finally, my reality show curse was broken. SHE won. Chinese cutie all the way! Xie xie!

Also, Chris Daughtry and Taylor Hicks have made a dent on the Billboard Hot 100 charts with their first singles off the AI album. Chris' song ranked higher but I think Taylor's second song ("Do I Make You Proud") will go straight to #1 once it is officially released next week. In another news, Chris has turned down the offer to be the vocalist of multi-platinum rock band Fuel. He said he will pursue a career as solo artist. Good move I think. Now all I have to wait for is Elliot's move.