All I Want For Christmas...is CHRISTMAS

Today is Christmas and only yesterday did I get to feel it. I’ve been sarcastically exclaiming “So this is Christmas” ever since the partridge came to the pear tree. As with everything this 2012, most of the supposed big moments turn out to be non-events or worst…eventful (in the wrong sense of the word). Suffice to say, I want to calendar to change already so I can have a fresh start.

Got this as my iPhone wallpaper. So I get to feel a little more Christmas. 

Shopping for gifts was a blur this Christmas. I have to make time for it in my ever-busy schedule. And by make time, I have to transverse my four gift shopping destination in 2 days. And mind you, they are in the opposite sides of the metro. I shopped til I dropped…very literally. Frankly, I’m not so happy with my gift choices for some people. I didn’t have the luxury of time to buy them the perfect Christmas gift. Oh well, there’s always next Christmas and rest assured they call came from the heart (naks).

And it doesn’t end there. There is gift wrapping. It takes talent to do this and sadly, it’s not in my book of tricks. This year, my personal Santa who takes it upon herself to wrap my presents, is not available. So I had to shift to Plan B and just buy colored boxes or paper bags and tie them up with ribbons to give it a festive feel. And I have to thank St. Nick and those stores kind enough to offer paper bags for each item you bought (look Ma, no gift-wrapping!). 

Christmas for me usually starts when I have time to clean my room. This is a tradition I got from my Mom. We would have a general cleaning of the entire house as soon as Christmas break starts. The house will be all neat and tidy, with halls decked with boughs and holly. After all Santa will not enter a messy abode (yeah, right).

Two days ago I cleaned my small condo room. I realized I amassed a lot of stuff which just cluttered my already tiny space. I purged my closet (“cold climate” clothes will go home for a more permanent storage; work polos I haven’t used in the last 6 months to be passed-on to brothers and friends) and the make-shift pantry (I don’t need 4 plates and 4 mugs!). I plan to take out more and vow to live a minimalist life for the new year. Now if only there is a way to store magazines (I only started e-mags this year and only for selected titles since they don’t sell the back-issues for only 50 pesos).

Then for our Bulacan house, I bought shelves to organize the stuff in our garage and living room. Then only yesterday did we put up most of the Christmas decors. Here’s our cute arrangements for this year (thanks to a dear friend for these Christmas trinkets).

This Christmas I had to work until there is work, as compared to just going to the office to deliver gifts and clean-up my desk (yes, Christmas = clean ups) after the Christmas party. I had to do a recon and a telecon on the 22^nd (cue in Band Aid’s Do They Know It’s Christmas) And I have to send an urgent email on Christmas eve! Oh well. Moving on.

I have three simple wishes this Christmas:

1)   To be able to sleep for 8 hours, minimum. (which I did yesterday but in increments of 5.5 hours and 2.5 hours. I can live with that).

2)   To finish a good book. I wanted something Christmas-y but picked “The Fault In Our Stars.” I know it’s a sob story but Christmas is also about feeling and being alive. I need this since I’ve been a mundane robot the entire year.

3)   To have a better year for my all my love-ones and dear friends.

Dropping this quick blog to spread some cheers and joy this season. May this atmosphere of peace and warmth stay with us the entire year.

T’is the season to remember…

***

Dear Santa,

You know how I have been good this year. So thank you for all the blessings not just this Christmas but for the entire year. It has been a year full of Grinch-y moments but I still feel blessed. See, I’ve been good.

Just so you know, some people have been naughty. Please check your list twice. Your friend Karma often forgets them. I was hoping you will, also.

Sincerely,

The Little Barnieboi (pa ram pa pam pam)

***

Kidding…Merry Christmas y’all! :)

A Hallmark Christmas SMS

SMS killed the Hallmark greeting card. Since the advent of texting, it’s been part of the Christmas tradition to send a text greeting to friends and loved ones as early as Christmas Eve (which explains why the networks are clogged beginning 5pm of the 24th). Empirical evidence shows that more than 200 million messages will be sent within these hours (that’s 20 million people or a quarter of our population multiplied by average 10 SMS per person).



Yes, I fall victim to this tradition. But as a self-proclaimed disciple of arts and letters, I never send forwarded SMS. I just “borrow” some lines and give it my own twist. Which makes it some kind of original and a little more thoughtful.

Last Christmas my message goes: "As we celebrate the season, let us remember to celebrate THE REASON. A wonderful Christmas filled with peace, laughs, love and blessings to you and your family."

This was inspired by a tweet sent by an ANC news anchor (initials: TM).

The funny thing is that my message gets resent and recycled. Yeah, like a stubborn chain letter. I get it back at least five times; which means a friend forwarded it to other people...including myself or to another friend who sent it back to me.

And that’s just fine with me. Consider it my share in spreading the holiday spirit.

I hope everyone’s enjoying the holidays!

Emotional Breakthrough At 31

There is no better way to say it so I’ll say it plain and simple. I HAD A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

I am almost scared to shout this out to the universe thinking that it might steal this away from me. But no, I already have this blissful slice of time. I have immortalized this in the depths of my cortex.



For the record, I am not good at being happy. I lived my life thinking that I thrive on disappointment and misery. For people like us, happiness is a burden; it is fleeting and has the tendency to vaporize. And it comes with a heavy price. Whereas sadness is more tangible and permanent; it leaves a scar in your heart.

For my birthday, I planned something a little out of the ordinary and mid-key. Not something lavish, just something I know people will enjoy. Part of me wants to celebrate this great year. I didn’t know my family and friends caught the same virus of excitement. They have been gushing about my birthday for days and I can’t help but feel some pressure.

My birthday bash at the office went beyond expectations...I almost expected fireworks. Everything was pitch-perfect. Outside of the great food, I was really happy being around these people. Sometimes I don’t understand the logic to their kind of affection. How can they love a grouch and moron like me? Haha!

On the day after my birthday, I tried to capture the beauty of it with words. But they escaped me... I had this gaping blank page. I almost panicked at the thought that I need misery for my creative ink to flow. And it seems like misery upped and left me...for once. This is a little morbid but I told a dear friend that should the best moments of my life be replayed as I am breathing my last, this point of time will surely come up.

This mood is new to me: I am pensive but in a good way. The feeling that is engulfing me now is realization and GRATITUDE. Seeing the cake and candles, I’ve asked myself what I wish for for my birthday and surprisingly I came up with no answers. I am good.

It took me this long to find the key to being happy. No, I have not opened the floodgates of happiness. It’s just that I am ecstatic of the puddles of happiness that I unlocked. I am not HAPPY. I am just happy. And I like it that way.

I realized a lot of things this year (I had the opposite of a mid-life crisis...a mid-life renaissance?). Although my life is far from perfect, I realize I AM OK. Yes, there are still things I want (things could be better) but not having them at this point will not de-value my life. I find happiness in enjoying what I have instead of wasting time longing for what I don’t have. I even learned to find happiness in the small things. Forget renaissance, I will call this 31st year my EMOTIONAL BREAKTHROUGH.

I’m blessed to have a fulfilling job, with an added bonus of being able to work with great people. How many can lay claim to this? I have a supportive family and we are enjoying what we dreamed of and worked hard for. I live a largely comfortable life. I am able to do the things I want: blog, read, go places or just some time alone.

This year, I have this almost zen-like attitude in tackling things. I learned to handle people and manage expectations. After being given my second chance, I saw the good in most people and became more accepting. I now know who my real friends are. They are the people who understood me at my worst. The ones I wronged but never took it against me. The ones who stayed silent when they have the right to lash out and be one with the world in torturing me. The ones who offered help even before I could muster the courage to ask for it.

After life broke me countless of times, it seems like I just decided to ditch my walking-wounded drama. I learned to stop struggling and let myself go with the flow. And I wonder if age does this to a person. Have I accepted my fate and resigned myself to the ravages of the times? Whatever it is, this is better than where I was before. After running drenched for so long, I suddenly burst into my own place in the sun.

On my way home Friday night, I realize I did not look at my birthday horoscope (from The Philippine Star), which has become a birthday tradition. I thought of dropping by 7-Eleven to get a copy but then I changed my mind. What the heck. I will make my own fortune, my own future. I will not let some stupid stars foretell it for me.

Looking back at the things I went through just to be here, I will not say I deserve this. Rather, I’d say IT WAS WORTH IT.

Cheers!

***

I want to thank A LOT of people from the bottom of my newfound heart. But please allow me these special mentions:

MY FAMILY for single-handedly preparing everything. I knew the food tasted good because it was a labour of love.



MY (Extended) MARKETING FAMILY for pulling all the surprises. Makes me wanna scream and make some noise. Haha! I could not ask for anything more. How can you do such good things to a "boolei" like me?! Loved the video (Buti na lang safe...whew!)



K, B and J for helping me pull it off until the very end (which is clean-up time, hehe!). And the wonderful gift straight out of my wish list (how did you know?)!

For my “silent” friends for being as excited as I am and for making sure I enjoy every minute of it.

For The One Who Need Not Be Named, for doing everything above and beyond. Even if I’m not worthy, you still choose to overwhelm me.

Three Wishes

They say bad luck comes in threes. Well to balance things out, I’d say that good things also come in threes.

These past weeks, three of the people I treasure dearly celebrated their birthdays. I interact with two of them on a regular basis, even if the other one is miles away. The other one is a long-time friend since my “holy” elementary days.

This space will not be enough to express my appreciation and gratitude to this threesome. They have championed me in countless ways. I allowed them privy to my personal life but they never took it in a bad light. These are the people who hold on to what I am to them and not how I am perceived by other people. At the end of the day, they are the only people who matters to me.

In this life where you seldom meet enduringly great people, these three are definitely keepers. If I were to walk through life with just these people, I know I will be fine.

The Brother I Never Had

I am the eldest in a brood of four and my other two brothers are generations away, in age. Hence, I never had someone to talk to about things or guide me in my moments of weakness. Or someone who will tell me: “I have your back.”

He was my buddy from the first moment that I stepped into the halls of this corporate jungle. I can still remember how he patiently taught me to do excel worksheets during my first day. We instantly clicked coz we share the same passion in a lot of things: music, movies and madness (the good kind). From then on, he has been my run-to, even if we are now moving in different circles.

Two of my fondest moments with him include that out-of-town trip several years ago, with the old clique (before corporate pressure built the space between). And of course...our adventures and misadventures in a land far, far away. What an amazing race!

One of the best things about him is his unwavering principles. Like me, he gravitates towards what is true and what is right. Even if it meant going against the tide. He also has a deep understanding of human nature, something we also share mutually.

Above all, ours is a friendship that transcends the “P” world. And that says a lot. He has fought a lot of battles for me and with me. He has shown genuine support in all my decisions. He always understands my every move and shares in my every pain.

Bro, even if I want to spell it out here, I don’t need to. What you have done for me is beyond words. You know that you are the Simon who helps ease the cross that I bear. I am a better and stronger person because of you.

I wish that you will continue being the light for others. Happy birthday, B.


The Distant Best Friend

Hers is a solid friendship that crosses the distance. From the first moment I “met” her years ago, I was already at ease at her effortless companionship. I have always said that I have the talent for distinguishing if somebody will be worth my while. And her voice alone resonates with comfortable affection.

As the years dragged on, she became my distant best friend. Even if she is miles away, the warmth feels like she is just at arm’s length. She somehow knows when I am distressed, when I am happy. She has a staggering belief and trust in the person that I am.

In a world where realism is wrapped in self-preservation and fraud, she was breath of fresh air. Like with the aforementioned brother I never had, she was “real” to me, in the sense that she never played the “P” card. She is one of the few people who I allowed to enter my very personal space and the more she understood, the more she cared.

She was with us through the roller-coaster ride. She was caught in a personal crossfire, but she was brave enough to battle it out FOR us, not against each of us. She was with us through the laughter and through most of the disturbing silence. She was our sounding board because she will always listen and in the process will make sense of what we are going through.

For your birthday, I wish you wings and sky... and time to fly. I wish you a world that you can explore and that elusive happiness that will not depend on anything or anyone, but one that comes from within. I know you have it in you.

Happy birthday, M!


The Good Luck Girl

I have known her since I was transferred to that oh-so-religious school. She was one of the popular kids, being the daughter of one of the best English teachers. But it was only during our sixth grade that she moved into our circle. And we have stuck since then.

We fondly call her Jinx, because of all her bad luck and misadventures. But that was long ago. Now she is one fine lass and has fulfilled one of her dreams, to be a surgeon/doctor. She is now the resident jinx (LOL!)

We celebrated her birthday on the exact date (the first time this happened) coz thankfully she was not on duty. She told me how she was depressed the day before her birthday because one of her patients just died during surgery. And to think that they were just prepping him up for the surgery. It’s like he was gone before they can even do something. Add to that the finger-pointing on who should be responsible for the incident.

Lighten up! Don’t punish yourself too much. As I told you on our way home, things happen for a reason and there are things that are beyond our control. As cruel as it sounds, death maybe the blessing that your patient needs. As for your colleagues, they will always have something to say. Just do your work, do your best. They can never fault you for that.

For your birthday, I want you to make the most out of life. You were always and still remains the “safe” one. I know you had your share of misadventures but that doesn’t mean you will stop exploring. Experience LIFE.

Happy birthday, JA!


***

Photo courtesy of Photography_is_magic at flickr.