Empty

It’s easier to believe
In the glorious madness
That brings me to my knees
Let me be empty and weightless
And maybe I’ll find some peace


****

I had the chance to be with the old gang this week, after what seems like eternity. As with our past gathering, we realize that everyone has aged a bit, not in looks but in experience. Well, LIFE happened to each of us and each one has a story to tell. Dim the lights and let the pain unravel.

R, the strongest physically, is crumbling inside as he confronts his usual demons. SR wins the award for biggest turnaround, but she is still the same fondly immature baby we have loved since then. SC, my alter-ego, still spews caustic acid and his trademark cooler-than-thou lamentations.

Some things changed but somehow we remain the same. That’s the beauty of it. No matter what kind of hand we are dealt with, we know that what we have is WAY ABOVE it.

Being with these people puts my life in perspective. I’m still facing the mighty wind and since the die has been cast, I expect things will never be the same again. For some people, that is.


****


TO EACH, HIS OWN. That has always been my personal philosophy. I make it a point to respect other people’s opinions, decisions, choices, even their feelings. Especially if it does not affect my life whatsoever, or to put it ever so bluntly – especially if it is none of my business. How stupid I was to expect this from other people.

A friend (M) asked me where I find the strength to walk on. I said it is the will to tie some loose ends and consequently make it easier for a handful of people. That I would be good, even if I was overwhelmed.

Silence, indifference, nonchalance, distance. Hearts, spades, clubs, diamonds.

For the record, you did not knock the wind out of me. As difficult as it is, I can still breathe. Come on, can’t you feel it down your neck?! But the point is...WHAT’S THE POINT?

Go ahead, be my guest. Resent it just because it was the best you NEVER had.

Try as I might to fight it, it was the principle of last touch that lingered. Disenchantment has re-etched cynical clues in this weary heart. I tried holding on to the last vestige of emotions, be it smothering pain or a sliver of bliss, from some supposedly indelible memory. But even those have faded to mediocrity. There was NOTHING. I am devoid of feelings...I just feel EMPTY.

If only for the first and last time, I’ll think (mostly) of myself. The countdown begins...tick-tock…tick-tock.


*****

Funny how one can learn
To grow numb to the madness
And block it away
I left the worst unsaid
Let it all dissipate
As I tried to forget

A Mighty Wind

If you could only see
What life has made of me
Then I’ll no longer be in you mind
The different kind


There are many grey areas in life. Often, you do not choose your own hell. It is chosen for you. Where I am now could be some half-life; a mutation engineered by the need of others to preserve themselves and further complicated by rapacity. Damn human nature if it is that unscrupulous.

They say God is in the details and it was in the details that I found my reprieve. But then, details don’t matter at all when we are both paying the price. And so I was short-changed…what else is new? I know there is a world bigger than us, but you can never chastise me for living for the moment. My world does not revolve around “other” people, if you know what I mean. Anyway, that’s just me.

I can understand the lies that were borne out of hurt or the need to defend oneself. What I don’t understand are the distorted assumptions, the senseless meddling and the charades that were played just to forward one’s personal agenda. The people in glass houses who were audacious enough to cast stones.

For now I will stand still. Someday soon, when the dust has cleared and when eyes have been unclouded, maybe I will have my word. Or maybe not. Maybe I will just wait for reality to come crashing for some people.

For now this will be my official statement: If you have a certain belief about something, you can twist EVERYTHING to confirm, substantiate and re-affirm that belief of yours.

With all the muddled and deluded thoughts going around, only one thing is clear: the final nail has been placed on the coffin. Or to sound more positive...I recognize a sign when I see one.

I walk through life knowing I am man enough to face the consequences of my actions. I can and I will swallow my bitter pill. I can and I will face my necessary evils. I have played the role of the fall guy, the punching bag, the unsung hero, or what have you, many times before. With that comes a resultant resilience to self-destruction. Somebody told me before that I will never get over it, but I will get used to it. I'll let my soul be my pilot.

Forgive, maybe… but I can’t forget it. Everyday I live with it. I fake a smile and deal with the SIDE EFFECTS but I won’t let it get the best of me.

Now tell me…how do I redefine something that never had a name?


****


All around me are familiar places, worn-out faces
Bright and early for the daily races, going nowhere
The tears are filling up their glasses, no expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it’s a very, very mad world.


****


With this, I would like to immortalize my immense appreciation for FIVE PEOPLE (you know who you are) who kept their candles burning as I face this mighty wind. As you made me promise, I will never stop believing... so long as there are people like you who give me enough reasons to still believe. Sometimes, I don't understand the logic of your kind of trust. But all the strength that I need is your FAITH.

Celebrating 33 Years..."J"-Style

He wanted to make it something special and rightfully so. It has been 33 years since one of the finest people to ever walk this planet (naks) was born. Then, after everything is said and done, he has sped past his one year mark at our beloved company. Double the reason, double the fun.


May 26 Going 27

Sidebar: Until now, I cannot fathom that it was only a year ago since he became part of the “family.” With the many things that have happened, it does feel like centuries already.

It has been the tradition in our inner circle to come up with a birthday surprise. J’s actual birthday fell on a Tuesday and since we are usually together Monday nights, it was quite easy gathering the flock. The challenge is how to keep the surprise a secret.

Knowing J’s gift for prognostication, he knew what was coming and at the back of my mind, I knew he knows… and he was making it easy for us. First is the extension of our game so that we will finish near midnight already. Then he wanted me to drive (so I have control of our destination after the game and he never questioned where we were going). Then he would try to distance himself when I would try to talk to TA for the next steps of our plan. (Later, he would show me a text he composed as proof that he knew “my plan”).

Since I was with him most of Monday night, the birthday “paraphernalia” are with the others. My task was to bring him to MK where his birthday surprise awaits. To cut a long story short, we were enjoying Persian food when he turned a year older. Then we dished out the requisite card, the cake and the dessert. We only held off the gift giving since his official celebration is not until the weekend

Footnote: TA made a funny dedication on J’s card: You are 33 now…remember what happened to Jesus Christ and Alexander the Great when they turned 33. Bwahaha!

Celebrating One’s Birthday…J-Style

It was months in the making and it was a feat in itself that we did not have (the usual) photo finish for this. After meticulous online research and one rewarding ocular inspection, the venue was secured a month before. (J, from the start, wanted an overnight stay at a private resort. That way, people will have fun just drinking the night away and not worry on driving home later.)

The invitation and guest list was finalized 2 weeks prior. The Committee on Food (also know as his former sales group) was set-up a week before. It was only the booze that we have to procure during the 11th hour. The carpool assignment was nailed down earlier as well.

The invitation drew “wows” from the recipients. It was proof that J meant business when it comes to having fun.

The timing was near-perfect: it was the end of the month. But we still have some last-minute work to do so it was quite late when we started our journey to Pansol. J and I have to make three stops before we were truly south-bound. The other carpools have to wait and have dinner at Petron SlEx so we were able to catch-up and were actually the second to arrive at the venue. But we were so famished that we bought some roasted chicken along the way and immediately pounced on it, san utensils, upon arriving at the venue.

The venue is a private resort at Miramonte Village. It boasts of a swimming pool, three air-conditioned bedrooms with two queen size beds, a big kitchen with gas stove and ref, a barbeque grill and a 3-car garage. And of course, the staple in every gig we plan: a videoke machine. The venue can accommodate 30 people but we only expected around 18. But then some people have to bail out on the last minute because of personal alibis (hehe) so the final count was 13.

The others soon arrived and we immediately unloaded the food and started making late dinner-cum-booze matches (ano ba ang English ng pulutan?). The rollicking celebration for J’s birthday was swinging in no time. Here are the highlights of the event:

1.The videoke-fest. It started with the so-called personal anthems (ok, mine was Pain In My Heart). Then the signature hits (TP with Barry Manilow, birthday boy with Kalapana). We even competed on whose rendition of Half Crazy will score the highest (the winner was C and surprisingly, I was second). We were so addicted with videoke singing that we had to bring the mike and song booklist near the edge of the pool so we can sing while swimming. The song of the day was Broken Vow (I think we sang it 246 times). But the best performance of the night was MM who brought the house down with his wacky (to say the least) rendition of Superman and Tubthumping. It has been immortalized on video for blackmail purposes. It will soon appear on YouTube with the caption: MM After Just One Shot of Tequila.




2.The Survivor Pansol Moments. Though we planned everything meticulously, sometimes you tend to forget some things…important things at that. I packed a knife and can opener just to be sure. We also reminded the grocery people to buy plastic utensils. But what we forgot were the tongs for grilling and pots and pans for cooking. So we were grilling food using just barbeque sticks to turn the meat and the coals around. Then we had to fry hotdogs using the casserole from the rice cooker. When B (the expert in grilling) left early, T, J and I struggled at first with making a decent coal fire but soon lunch was happily grilling.





3.The booze session. MM and I went out to get some ice and mineral water. The group was already gearing up for the tequila shots when we left and when we came back, we have to catch up on four rounds. MC was quite efficient in serving the tequila that we finished one bottle in less than an hour. Beers and vodka were also served so we were wasting away in no time. However, we consumed only half of the all the booze J prepared.




4.The swimming. To clear our heads of the booze, we decided to make good use of the pool. The water was so deliciously warm that we didn’t mind if we were already turning into prunes. Our pool games include getting the thrown coin from the bottom of the pool. This will lead to teaching B (the weakest link…hmmm…sino kaya to?) some lessons in diving. It was frustrating at first since his body refuse to sink but after birthday boy taught the proper technique (he is a Lozada, after all, haha), he was retrieving the coin like a pro...professional golden retriever, haha. We also made good use of C’s underwater camera gear and tried to take underwater photos of each other. It was difficult to multitask underwater: you have to sink, breathe, swim, project and smile for the camera and take the photo.





5.The UFO (Unidentified Floating Object). One of the girls (name withheld to protect her identity….bwahaha) had a Cosmo Confession moment. The three of us were in one corner of the pool when J noticed a floating object and jokingly shouted “Jellyfish!” I countered the joke and said it was a condom. Then to push the joke further, I said that it was one of those silicon implants girls place on their bras. Turned out it was indeed THAT and the horrified expression of “her” face was priceless (pasalamat ka kami lang ang nakakita, haha).

6. The Kuya Germs Moments. With all the fun we were having, it was inevitable that we might not catch some sleep at all. But I think it was MM and TP who first crawled into the beds. Then the girls who did not swim. Birthday boy took a shower near dawn and I said I’ll be next. When I realized it was taking him forever, I went upstairs only to find out that he has dozed off. I decided to catch my forty winks as well and we were only awakened when some people have to leave by early morning. I think we only slept for less than 2 hours. The Kuya Germs Award goes to C. She barely slept and still managed to a have a videoke concert by mid-day. She tried to sleep at the boy’s room but there would be three little tykes (J, B and TP...in that order) who will disturb her sleep (minutes apart) because they have to get something from the room.

7. The Pool Side Gossip. I will keep mum about this. After all, what’s an overnight bonding session without the token gossip and drama? Good thing the drama did not get in the way of the fun.


We had a total three sets of swimming sessions and innumerable turns at the videoke. Too bad some people had to leave early because of work or personal matters they have to attend to. The rest of us wrapped up before 5pm.

With the lack of sleep, the impact of the booze and with bodies battered from swimming, it was a huge effort just to drive home. J and I failed to keep each other awake while driving that we decided to stop at gas station, meet TP and have some sort of night cap and chase the clouds of sleep away.

Hands down, J raised the bar for birthday celebrations (pressure on C...who’s next on the list). And he has added another feather to his cap: event planner and consultant. Trust J to know how to have a good time. This is another one for the books.

Songs In The Key of J

Dark is the night, I can weather the storm
Never say die, I’ve been down this road before
I’ll never quit, I’ll never lay down
See I promised myself that I’ll never let me down


Looking back, it was a sports-driven invitation that started it all. He was a welcome addition and how he seamlessly flowed into our newfound ensemble is not surprising at all. He brought his own brand of wisecracks and humor. Not to mention the remarkable stories that brought new meaning to “sharing of experiences”. His childhood stories alone can trump the Adventures of Tom Sawyer by a mile.

What followed was a roller-coaster ride (literally and figuratively) and the subsequent beautiful disasters that changed the color of our world. In such times when egotism, immaturity and misconceptions played a mitigating role, we were forced to define the proper meaning of sincerity, sensibility and reciprocal alliance.

And if I fall, I’ll never fail
I’ll just get up and try again
I’ll never quit, I’ll never go down
I’ll make sure they remember my name
A hundred years from now

Some fondly call him lolo or manong because he is older than most of us (and he would rebut this by proving that his age doesn’t show). His magnetic charm comes from his ready metallic smile, the expressive eyes and the way he makes you comfortable in his presence. He has a hatful of talents: from singing, to performing magic tricks…to perfecting the art of prognostication (a direct result of his ka-praningan). Another J stamp: for sure you will know if he has arrived (how?…use your nose).

Like a true-blue Gemini, he can have a split personality: one time he will be all ruckus and hilarity, and the next breath he will be coy and serious (pag meeting para yang studious Grade 3 student). Be warned because like a reluctant lawyer, he can be argumentative at times and he will go to the ends of the earth to prove that he is correct (ok, I will concede that he is correct most of the time…birthday nya kasi). Kidding aside, he often knows the right words to say. Forget the stutter, he is great storyteller and verbal chronicler of events. If my blogs are ever to be made into audiofiles, I’ll get him as narrator.

Please don’t worry about me, I’m fine
Only gonna play the fool one time

On a serious note, it was the challenging moments that drew our inner circle. I witnessed how life dealt him some blows and how he rolled with the punches. I’ve seen him shake off the stigma that clings to him like an unforgiving omen. To some people he may seem happy-go-lucky with his child-like zest for fun. But that is not to say that he is not tainted and bruised, for I have seen his life wounds. And this makes him more real, as a person. He exemplifies how you cannot put a good man down.


While I am mentor to him on “occupational hazards”, he plays big brother to me on the personal level. He is the Pacey to my Dawson, the Ryan to my Seth. We have more than the fair share of common philosophy and the way of looking at things. Wavelength, if you may call it. Like a language of our own, we can communicate through non-verbal clues or even in riddles. Plus, he has a seer-like ability of knowing what I am thinking or finishing off my sentences.

In a world that if often rocked by changes, it is the unexplainable “balancing act” that works for us. While I am stringent and staid, he would blur the edges with his trademark banter and exuberance.

I’m not scared to fly, I’m not that naïve
I’m just out to find the better part of me

I’ve been told many times before that I have to work hard and play harder. But it was only he who showed me how. His infectious inner child and inner smile made me reconnect with own and consequently, I learned how to enjoy the experience. He is patient enough to give me directions (both literally and figuratively) or point out my mistakes, that I am more confident now with my personal roadmap.

I’ve said that I am not a fan of grandiose displays of appreciation. For me, it’s the little things and consistency that matters the most. And he has transcended this time and again. He has done more and impacted me more that some of the people that have walked in my life longer (but never understood the meaning of reciprocity). I can never appreciate him enough for it.

Happy birthday, J! For someone who torments me for not blogging enough, I hope this blog was worth the wait. I don’t have to say what my wishes are for you. I will just be there when they do come true.

It may sound absurd but won’t you concede
Even heroes have the right to bleed
And it’s not easy to be me


***
Ten Things You Might Not Know About J
(subtitle: I Hope He Does Not Kill Me For This)

1. He has acrophobia and a bit of insomnia.
2. He calls his car PNV – Paa Ni Voltes V.
3. He can be dorky…he knows a lot of trivia stuff and likes answering trivia/mind games.
4. Once he gets to like a particular song, he will put it on repeat mode until he learns all the lyrics (currently memorizing Neyo’s Go On Girl).
5. His shaking can get so bad and his gulat expressions are so cinematic.
6. He likes to scare himself…tapos mandadamay pa!
7. He has a killer falsetto but his trademark videoke songs are the Kalapana hits.
8. He has three alarm clocks that sound off minutes apart (so he knows he has to get up when the third alarm sounds).
9. He sweats profusely when eating spicy foods and loves to dare people into eating the sili.
10. He misplaces stuff (one time, he lost the car key seconds after opening the trunk!). Warning: this virus of his can be contagious.

Dreams and Despondency

Mood: Harassed (so much to do, so little time)
Music on Repeat: Something Pretty (Patrick Park)


The Wind Cries Hurry


For the past two weeks, I’ve been braving the sun and heat to provide my fair share of trade check reports. Admittedly, it did open my eyes on a lot of things that were going on at the store level. But it left me feeling more spent and disoriented than ever. It puts my multi-tasking talent to an extreme test. After all, who will do my reports and paperwork while I am out getting sales orders or playing undercover photographer for supermarket displays? I am the opposite of The King Of Nothing To Do.

And the elements are working against me as well.

First to break down was the power charger of my office laptop (which is perpetually plugged-in coz the battery already died ages ago). It could not have come at a better time because I was already in Naga City for a presentation when I realized that I cannot use my laptop. Thanks to wifi (one of God’s best gift to the modern man), I asked our Manila office to email the files I need and used the laptop of my colleague. (This feels like a freaking Mentos commercial).

Still, I was left with no laptop for a couple of days. Good thing E has a compatible power chord so I was able to sneak into my office laptop and save the recent files and migrate it to my personal laptop.

Then, after my days of field work, I was ecstatic to report back to the office and deal with my paperwork overload. Only to find out that the electric power on the entire third floor conked out because of some wiring trouble. So we had to do all our work in the small conference table in the second floor.

Plus points: after not seeing my fellow PM for days (yeah, I missed them), we were literally rubbing shoulders and exchanging stories. Minus points: nine of us were sharing the conference table so our things were getting mixed up and you somehow cannot work well and concentrate because it is not your “normal” office space. Bottomline: I did more field work and finished my officework elsewhere.

We were already forewarned that will be like this for the next two weeks .


***

Dreaming The Dream

Late one Saturday afternoon, we traveled South for an ocular inspection. We were gearing up for a celebration towards the end of May (sorry but everything is “secret” for now). As with any of our road trips, the conversation was peppered with nostalgic pop references, the usual sleaziness and…dreams.

J narrated that he had the weirdest and scariest “dream” the previous night. We went home late that night so you would expect a grand snoozefest. However, he woke up around 3AM (enter images of The Exorcism of Emily Rose) and felt an inexplicably unfathomable presence in his room. The presence was so palpable that he refused to open his eyes. And this was not a dream state because he was already conscious of his earthly body movements. It was only when he started praying that the baffling presence slowly dissipated. Then he was able to open his eyes, turn on the light and TV (to sleep mode) and returned to sleep.

T’s dream is more mystical than horrifying, but a tad scary nonetheless. For the past weeks, he has been dreaming of his relatives that have long passed away. He sees them in his dream as a “future” image, not as they were before they died. Like they aged in some cosmic parallel universe. And every time they are about to acknowledge each other’s presence, he would wake up. Also there is a tantalizing well-lighted room but T would wake up before he can peek at what’s inside the room.

We told T not to enter the well-lighted room and, if possible, visit his relatives’ tombs. And maybe he should stop watching Manigno on primetime TV and concentrate on mastering The Singing Bee, instead.

As for me, my dreams were haunted by a beautiful apparition we saw in BKTM that Friday night.

***

Something Wistful This Way Comes

I’m holding on tight in the midst of this wind
Trying so hard to stand still
But I’m swept away
Like a storm that gets lost in the tide
Yet I’m trying to stay on your side

Like some recurring omen, it is again that time of the year. The winds of change are blowing this way once more. It brings with it some fresh faces then it sends some of the old ones away. Or sometimes it changes the trajectory of the others. Just the same, everything will never be the same again.

Change is like a game of chance. We will never know, until much later, what the consequences are. If it spells fortune or doom. Everything boils down to half-chances.

Some things you’ll never know until you’ve tried it. Some lessons you have to learn the hard way. I am again in an unforgiving crossroad. Sooner of later, I will have to make that life-changing choice.

Will the promise of the horizon be enough for me to let go of the shore?


***

She’s Justified (A Birthday Greeting)


If this place was heaven, then she was my first angel. Who can forget that life-changing phone call, 6 years ago that brought me here? Back then, she was already a tad too insistent that I had the sneaky suspicion that she has the hots for me.

Joking aside, she became one of my most indispensable allies at work, up to this very moment. How we clicked instantly is a no brainer. We share a lot of things in common…from the addiction to pop music and MTV to wasting time at the mall. And yes, she can be a great writer if only she will put her mind to it.

I have seen her at her worst and at her best. I have seen her beaten by our so-called “true friends” and how her spirit shone through the hurtful tears. I have watched her suffer in silence, especially in the midst of her medical dilemma. I watched how she stood ground when I gave her the “unexpected space”, knowing that later she would understand that it was a space for her to grow. And grow, she did. From the sidelines, I was there when she received the recognition she long deserved. For what it’s worth, she made us proud. That crowning moment was something I have long wished for her because I know she had it in her.

Of course, we had our share of misunderstanding but what we have can stand the test of time, pressure and malicious intrigues. She is one of the few people who can tolerate the lethal combination of my mood swings, sarcasm and indifference, especially when I am so stressed out with work. She understands me better than the people I spend more time with. I am forever indebted to her because she is one of the few people who championed me and brought me to where I am now.

Though we have moved in different circles, there is no question of each other’s distant presence. Once in a great while, there will be the midnight phone calls and she will bleed her new challenging story. On the other hand, she is one of the few people who knows what I’m going through. She is also a big fan of what I enjoy doing... be it writing blogs, singing or making fun of RV.

This birthday blog is overdue (and that won’t be a surprise for her because she is so used to my “delays”). Happy birthday, K! This blog will not be enough to describe how great you are as a person. I wish you more happiness…in places now one will find (haha…admit you miss me saying this). Continue your quest for understanding this cruel life. As “your” C would say, there is a blue sky waiting tomorrow.

The Spanish Travelogue - The Journey To Madrid

Wow, this is surreal...but nice. Who would have thought that I'd be blogging halfway around the world...in Madrid!

It's 4:36 AM here and we just arrived about half an hour ago. Manila time is 6 hours ahead. What's cooler than the temperature here is that I am writing this blog using the Philips LCD screen and wireless keyboard in my hotel room. I am saving saving my laptop's battery because we forgot that Europe has a different electric power socket. Hopefully we can buy an adaptor later.

Whoever said that we will be having an easy time conversing with people here must have lived in the colonial era. Their brand of Spanish here is different. They talk quickly and in urgent bursts. Yes, we do catch a few words but it would be better if they were also at least half-fluent n English. Even the friendly front desk guy explained to me in Spanish how to connect to the internet and use the wireless keyboard. Thankfully, he knew the words "mouse" and "black cable" so I just took it from there.

THE LONGEST JOURNEY EVER

After spending Sunday doing some packing and last-minute work instructions and turnover, I was at the airport before 8AM Monday morning. I was reminded again why you have to be at the airport 2 hours before your flight. Their check-in lines are so inefficient and we even have to spend more than 20 minutes queueing for immigration. By the time we got through, we just have time for a pee break before we boarded our 10:45 KNL flight to Amsterdam.

Blooper #1: I forgot my hair wax in the car! Knowing me, hair wax ranks as one of my 5 must-haves in every trip (right after phone, wallet, iPod and before breath mints).


What do you do when you have 10 hours to burn inside the plane.

1. Have a sincere talk with your buddy, about life updates since you have not had a personal talk in ages. Be reminded that the workplace you abandoned for just a few days is getting more colorful by the day.
2. Sleep.
3. Eat.
4. Watch episodes of Entourage and Two And A Half Men.
5. Feed your premature homesickness by watching Alvin and the Chipmunks.
6. Sleep.
7. Eat. Do you know that they serve Nissin Cup Boodles in international flights? And red wine.
8. Sleep with drool.
9. Watch Superbad.
10. Forget your iPod and listen to the extensive CD selection on-board.
11. Sleep.
12. Eat.


Bryan was amazed at how I can lasts 10 hours with no bathroom breaks and how I was almost immobile while he was so restless in his seat. It's called survival in a cramped space.

Ocassionally, I would check the view of the terrain below. Imagine Google Earth, only more defined. Often it would be endless mountains or fields. I think we passed through most of what used to be USSR and Central Europe. The topograhy of this area is really postcard-perfect. It was my first time to see snow-capped mountains and their fields which are so geometrically perfect.

Finally, after 10 looooong hours we were in Amsterdam for the connecting flight to Madrid. We arrived there at 6 PM (12 MN in Manila). After locating our boarding gate, I did what I have to do... immediately buy hair wax at the Duty Free shop. My forgetfullness costs me 5 Euros for a tube of Loreal Hair Wax. The guy at the counter looked at my hair (ruffled from sleeping) and asked it I was to use the hair wax that very moment. I said no, my hair is fine, thank you very much.

The immigration lady asked us how long we are staying in Spain. I said two day tops. She made a funny face and asked if we were nuts for staying for only two days. I just said that we have work to do back home. As she handed our passports, she rolled her eyes again and said "Two days?!?" Like it was one of mankind's greatest sins.

The flight from Amsterdam to Madrid will be another 2 hours.

Blooper #2: Our plane seats were 30C and 30D, both aisle seats at the very back. The other two occupants on the both sides were couples with squealing babies in tow. While we already succumbed to our fate that we would hears creams and bawling throughout the flight, the stewardess asked us if we can transfer to another seat so that the babies will be more comfortable. With a sigh of relief, gladly moved to much better seats.

We arrived in Madrid at 2AM (8AM in Manila). There are only a few people in the airport and since we did not see anyone carrying the event signage, we called up the contact person and we were told to proceed to Exit 6. There we met the othe rep from the Philippines and eventually we were fetched by an old man who resembled Heidi's grandfather (Heidi from the cartoon adaptation of the children's classic).

We boarded the bus with the other event participants. Since it was past midnight, my first view of Madrid was in its deserted, sleepy glory. It was very quaint and neat. Very promising. I can't wait to explore it tomorrow.

The bus ride to the hotel took us almost two hours and I slept through half of it. When I awoke and realized the elapsed time, I joked to Bryan that we were already in Barcelona.

Anyway, I need to catch a few more ZZZZZZZs since we have a full day ahead. Sorry, no pictures for now as I am only using the uber-cool TV screen as computer. Meaning I can't upload the photos.

Hasta la vista for now.

Q&A: I Come Undone

I stumbled upon this questions/survey and decided to answer it just for fun…or maybe to mock the people who only sees me as a two-dimensional workaholic hotshot yuppie.

Name: I’ve been called different names during the course of my existence. Elementary friends call me by my legal name. College friends uses just two letters to address me. To present colleagues, I am like a purple dinosaur. Don’t ask my household name…it’s too far off that I don’t know even know where it came from.

Age: Like wine, it gets better with time.

Religion: Devout agnostic

What are you passionate about: Music, writing, fitness

Favorite movie this year: None yet. From last year, it has to be One More Chance (ha ha).

Most played songs on iPod: That would be my World-Weary playlist: Breakdown (Mariah Carey), Drops of Jupiter (Train), Back To Good (Matchbox Twenty), Fire and Rain (James Taylor), Can U Help Me (Usher), Blind (Lifehouse), Taken (Plumb), What Might Have Been (Lou Pardini), Far Away (Kevyn Lettau)

Best quality about me: My understanding of human nature

The worst: My sarcasm… or so they say

Last semi-sensible purchase: A heavier dumb bell. Back issues of Entrepreneur Magazine.

If you could buy one thing right now it would be: iPod speakers and a new iPod-ready car stereo

Beach or mountains: Any, as long as I am in good company. But beach would be better.

Sport: Badminton. Although I’ve tried some bowling and billiards way back. Oh…Wii Tennis!

Movie that makes me cry: Ok, the last was December Boys. I am a sucker for buddy-forever movies. And before that, The Pursuit of Happyness. Why am I admitting this!

Apart from what you're doing now, what would be your dream job: A newspaper columnist (paging Young Star). A DJ.

Temptation you have successfully avoided thus far: Smoking

Temptation you have succumbed to recently: Drinking….hic! And lottery.

The one thing you can never be: A third party.

The one thing you strive to be: A BLESSING to other people

The one thing you struggle with the most: Driving in unfamiliar streets. Wondering “what might have been.”

The most beautiful woman you've ever seen: I want Moore.

The best thing your mom taught you: Smiling through your worries.

The best thing your dad taught you: Responsibility.

The thing you surprisingly enjoy doing: Cleaning anything (car, house, computer files).

Last time you kissed someone: I don't kiss and tell.

What turns you on: Smarts, compassion, some attitude

What turns you off: Whore-ish demeanor (malandi, in vernacular). Wrong grammar. Trying hard to speak in English. Insensitivity. Close-mindedness.

Most pointless thing a girl can buy: Tons of accessories, bags, shoes (more than they can use).

Best thing a girl can buy: Consistency. Mindset. (ok, I’m being sarcastic).

Favorite sound: Keyboard clicking. The Cuppycake Song.

Worst sound: For some reason, The Papaya Song makes me tense. The alarm clock after only 2 hours of sleep. The sound of reality crashing to the floor.

Favorite swear word: Fuck, shit

When no one's looking I like to: Smell the leather of my watch. Oh my!

What would the movie of your life be called: Shades of Grey

What is the most ironic thing about yourself: that I’m always running but I seem to be going nowhere. I’m once-bitten-twice-shy but somehow I suffer the same downfall.

What do you like most about yourself: How I understand human nature, hence I tend to get along with most types of people. I’m quite sensitive but too cool to care. I can do what I nwat if I put my mind to it.

What do you hate most about yourself: I can be paranoid (trust only a few). I have a certain eye-for-an-eye mentality. I’m a bit jaded and world-weary.

Issue most important to you: Future stability. The environment. How to be a blessing to people I care for.

What is the bravest thing you've done: conquered my fear of extreme carnival rides. Be a man and stay true to my words. Stand up for what is true and what fair, even if means hurting some people you care for.

What is the one brave thing you've still yet to do: Get into another serious relationship. Let go and look for greener pastures.

What's food for your soul? Reading and writing blogs.

If you were to enter heaven, what would you like to hear at the pearly gates: "So you’re Bernard… welcome… they’ve all been waiting for you.”

CD Review: The Second Emancipation Is Sheer Genius

Hands down, The Emancipation of Mimi was one of the most satisfying pop/R&B album in recent pop history. The challenge now is how to follow up that massive success. E=MC2 (released April 15 under Island/Def Jam) was pitted as a follow-up of sorts to Emancipation, hence the title. The verdict is in: emancipation is better the second time around.

Yes, in some parts E=MC2 follows the formula of its predecessor, but expect Carey to push it a notch higher. Like some exact science, the new album meticulously combines hip-hop-tinged club ditties and slick mid-tempo ballads (first mastered in Emancipation) to sum up to another explosive pop/rnb masterpiece.

The album opens with “Migrate”, a bob-your-head club anthem featuring T-Pain. Then it smoothly flows into “Touch My Body”, the carrier single. As with the past Carey albums, the carrier single is a sexy and flirty tune (think “Dreamlover”, “Fantasy” and “Honey”). Though the lyrics to “Touch” can make some eyes roll, you can never resist its slinky hooks and licks and the charming reference to cameras and youTube.

That song has already touched the #1 spot twice and has broken two records. It was the 18th number one for Carey, putting her in pole position as the solo artist with the most #1 hits, leaving Elvis Priestly behind and putting Carey within striking distance of the all-time record (held by the Beatles with twenty #1 songs). It also broke the record for the most downloads (previously held by Rihanna’s “Umbrella”).

The personal drama you expect from Carey is delivered via the second single “Bye Bye,” a tribute to her father who recently passed away but has a universal appeal with its sentiment of longing and missing someone (remember “One Sweet Day?”). Those who knew Carey’s rise and fall will get tugs at the heart when she sings the lines “And you never got a chance to see how good I've done/And you never got to see me back at number one.” This early, I am writing this as her 19th #1 song.

Another gem is “I Stay In Love”, (a likely 3rd single) which rehashes “We Belong Together” but is still as engaging. Meanwhile, “I’m That Chick” employs a smart sampling of Michael Jackson’s “Off The Wall”, setting a vibe that evokes disco balls, roller skates and multi-colored dresses.

More drama is offered in “Side Effects,” a song that describes the aftershocks of an abusive relationship, with latent references to ex-hubby Tommy Motolla. Amidst a darkly sinister background beat courtesy of Scott Storch and Young Jeezy, Carey spews pent-up vehemence in lyrics such as "Sleeping with the enemy/ Aware that he was smothering every last part of me"” and “Keepin' me there, under your thumb/Cause you were scared that I'd become much/More than you could handle.”

Carey proves she is chameleon extraordinaire when she allows her vocals to complement her guest artist’s style. For instance, in “Migrate,” she mimics T-Pains auto-tuned vocalization. Then later in “Cruise Control,” Carey pleases when she intones some Jamaican vibe in harmony with Damien Marley. Think “Shake It Off” given a Marley makeover.

The album closes with “I Wish You Well”, a ballad that brings Carey to her gospel roots and showcases the 8-octave vocal range that is downplayed to soft whispers in the other songs.

Even the less-glittery songs (“Love Story”, “Last Kiss”) sounds better than the carrier singes of other established artist. And this is the beauty of E=MC2: each song plays like a potential hit and the over-all aural feel is so consistent that you can listen to the album through and through.

I predict that this album will spawn at least 3 number one songs (making Carey match the Beatles’ record), bring home at least two Grammys (best contemporary R&B album and best R&B or pop vocals) and amass the aplomb and accolades of Emancipation of Mimi.

E=MC2 plays on Einstein’s infamous formula and rightfully so. Carey and Einstein’s works are sheer genius.

-Reviewed by: Bernard Crisostomo, Philippines

Mixed Signals and Birthday Wishes

Sometimes, even if you have the power to do so, you quell the urge to lash back and inflict an equal amount of pain (karmic relief if you may call it). Yes, you have a higher probability of winning that battle. But often there is no point in doing so. Sometimes you just have to let things be, if only to prevent matters from getting worse. Or sometimes you are just too world-weary to give a damn. So you end up swallowing everything and clinging to that wild hope that they will LEARN, or understand at the very least.

You learn to live. You live to learn.


***

Some people just refuse to let go.

Last weekend I received a disturbing text from a former officemate. She said she heard that there were stories going around the office on why she left. She asked that I clear her name. I said I was not aware that her “ghost” has been resurrected.

Suffice to say, I find it kind of ridiculous that she was agitated about something that was so long ago. If feels like she wants to disturb the dust that has settled in the wake of her leaving. Why so… when she was supposed to be happier and better off where she is now? I thought that was redemption enough.

Maybe you can take the person out of the company but you can’t take the company out of that person. Or maybe, she hates being outside looking in.

In parallel, I heard stories about how a friend reacts when confronted about some touchy topics. It goes without saying that she still does not understand the rhyme and the reason. Oh well, that is the least of my problems. I’ve learned that dishing out the truth even if it hurts defines sincerity.

Here’s to you my friend: take your cue from our nonchalance, and most of all, from our silence. For everything we did and for everything that we turned a blind eye on, the least you can do is KEEP QUIET.


***

He came into our world with an air of static seriousness. At some point, I failed to connect and I have to ask the common friend to break the ice. I wanted to reach out because I recognize an unpolished gem when I see one (not that he was “unpolished”). But life has other plans of bridging the initial gap. It’s called shared experience and common goals.

He became one of the few true and sincere personalities I have encountered in our pressure-driven workplace. No politics, no agenda, no guarded moments. His best trait (other than his booming voice) is a bottomless reservoir of understanding and patience. Not to mention a dependability that defines true friends coupled with compassion that is elusive to most bosses. He reflected my philosophy of going after what is just and fair, at any cost. For in doing so, you can never go wrong.

He thought we lived in a black-and-white world. Until our Pleasantville workplace bled its iridescent colors. And we have to be mature enough to understand the colors and hues of the ever-changing kaleidoscope.

Happy birthday, T! I wish you well as you move on to other challenges. Maybe there…you will not be a “Shoppersville” anymore (lol!)

***


It takes great effort and a lot of planning to pull off a surprise birthday gig. With the many movers and shakers in our workplace, it took more than the usual connivance and temporary deception to coax birthday boy T in this secret place. After coming up with a lot of excuses and false stories, we finally pulled it off.

J and I went early to the hideaway to reserve the perfect spot. Our procrastination skills were rewarded with some star sighting. In the place we planned for T, actress AC was wrapping up some scenes. AC, as we saw with our own eyes, is one of the most drool-worthy faces in Philippine cinema. And she caught my eye not once but twice! I was immediately Curtis-ized.

Then came our own endorser AM who turned out to be more fit and (if possible) younger than the last time I saw him last February. It was funny how the girls kept shouting Quaker! Quaker! as they were feasting their eyes on his presence.

Anyway, the real star of the night finally came. Our surprise did materialize since he never found out that we were conniving all the while.

Happy birthday again and I hope I can borrow that hard-to-find PB Magazine! Haha!

Sounds Familiar...And I Quote

Sounds Familiar

A pivotal scene in a movie requires a resounding aural backdrop (read: soundtrack). A grandiose theme song will be played or a big-band symphony will crescendo. And when the Hollywood fanfare has ended, hearing that song or sound makes us remember that magical movie moment. Why, just hearing My Heart Will Go On makes me want to jump off a ship, just to drown out Celine’s screams (pun intended).

Well, life imitates art. In real life, there is no musical backdrop during those life-changing moments. “Feels Like Heaven” didn’t play when you had your first kiss and “If The Feeling Is Gone” was not cued in when you broke up with .

But there are sounds and music which brings us back.

Recently, I asked a friend (who reverted to his old cellphone) to change his ringtone. That ringtone brings me back to a place and time when everything was pure fun…no pretensions, no politics, no guarded moments. It stirs a bubble of happiness which soon bursts as I realize that things are not as they used to be. Gone are those days.

Of course, sadistic friend won't change his ringtone. Oh-well....Na, na, na, na, na, na, na.

****

And I Quote

One of our favorite pastimes lately involves throwing quotations at each other and guessing who it was meant for. There are two types of such quotes: serious or fun.

Serious quotes are meant to teach a lesson, ridicule or drip caustic acid on the intended recipient. Hence, if the quote is about friendship, you have to think of a friend who violated the concept of the quote.

Fun quotes are silly statements that breathe humorous life unto inanimate objects. For example, who would have said: “Ano ba ang nagawa ko sa inyo at pati ako binibigyan nyo ng malisya?!” The answer is an Eggplant (Nye!).

I’m still compiling the fun quotes (believe me….there are gazillions of them). However, here are the serious quotes that are meant to make us ponder and wonder....hmmm. Disclaimer: Bato, bato sa langit….

“The key to successful leadership today is influence, not authority”

“No person is your friend who denies your silence, or denies your right to grow.”

“The only way to have a friend is to be one”

“Growing old is inevitable. Growing up is optional.”

“Silence is often misinterpreted, but never misquoted.”

“Remember the difference between a boss and a leader, a boss says, “Go!” – a leaders say’s “Let’s go!”

Trust J to leave no stone unturned and come up with the killer quote:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

"People change for two reasons. Either they have learned enough that they want to. Or they have been hurt enough that they have to."

I learned that I was hurting. Please don't quote me on that.

Losing My Religion

I never forgot it, confusing as it was
No fun with no guilt feelings
The sinners, the saviors, the loverless priest
I’ll see you next Sunday
We all have a reason to be there
We all have a thing or two to learn
We need something to cling to
So we did

- from “Forgiven”, Alanis Morisette


****

People always give me that questioning second look when they discover that I’m agnostic. Religion has become one of my favorite arguments, and this is coming from someone who spent his elementary days as a little missionary (one of the elite clubs in my alma mater, Holy Spirit Academy).

For the ill-informed, agnostic means that you believe in A Higher Power but not in religion (agnostic is a notch higher than atheist). I call it faith without borders. I believe in God but I don’t believe in rules telling me how I should express my faith.

Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against people who practice their religion. One of my personal philosophies: To each, his own. I am an advocate of respecting one’s personal choices. Just as long as they also respect mine.

News talking about the frenzy over the Black Nazarene in Quiapo, the so-called healing priest or the Church’s love-hate affair with politics (Noli Me Tangere, anyone?) resurrected my arguments about religion.

There is a thin line between faith and fanaticism. I understand that some people have to cling to that one hope that they can hold on to. Above anything, religion offers HOPE. And hope is a double-edged sword…it can either make or break you.

Honestly, I find Catholic faith too old-fashioned. It clings to its age-old tradition even if it is unfit for these modern times. How can a priest preach about family when he does not even know what it feels like to be a real father? How can you condone safe sex methods when the entire world is already grappling with overpopulation and resultant scarcity of basic human needs? How can their repetitive prayers end the famine in Africa and the war in Iraq?

I will paraphrase. There is nothing wrong with praying. So long we inject some kind of reality in it. As the cliché goes, do your best and God will do the rest.

Religion, for me, is just a structure or a manifestation. But at the very core, you just have to know the correct concept of what is RIGHT and what is WRONG. And you don’t need the rules of religion to tell you that. I will even go as far as saying that I live a more “religious” life that half of the devout Catholics out there. I know one too may Catholics who are so passionate about their blessed religion but who will think ill of their “brother” as soon as they step out of the confines of their beloved Church. Talk about practicing what you preach. I bet gusto na silang kunin ni Lord.

Faith does not depend on outdated book, an earthly image or a repetitive ceremony. IT LIES WITHIN YOU.

And, as with anything in this world, your FAITH is wortless. It's what you do with it that counts.

****

You can find yourself a God
Believe in which one you want
Coz they love you all the same
They just go by different names

- from “It Means Nothing”

Last Straws and Newfound Voices

Story of my life
Searching for the right
But it keeps avoiding me
Sorrow in my soul
Coz it seems that wrong
Really loves my company
The clouds are rolling in...

***

Some say I talk in riddles. Some say I am a puzzle. This is true to some extent. Because most people DON’T KNOW ME. And I won’t give them the satisfaction of knowing what I am and what I can be. I have saved this for the few people who deserve it. In goes without saying, if you don’t know me… then you don’t deserve me.

If you get lost in these words, it means they are not for you. If some words hit home, then you are the prelude and the aftermath. That can either be good or bad.

***

I asked a friend: “I wonder what I saw before that made me tolerate things.”
He retorted: “Kasi ROBOT ka din dati.”
It hit home.

***

I may be part of an inner circle but that doesn’t mean I am one of them. I speak the same language but I don’t have the same tendency. If this renders me irrelevant, then so be it. There is bound to be somewhere where my philosophy will not be sacrificed by latent avarice, covetousness and self-dominance.

Lamentable as it is, it is excruciating to get this far and still feel this…strangely volatile and remarkably aimless. Pictures faded in time are becoming clearer. What’s more preculiar is the realization that this is not borne out of the familiar gloom. It’s the other way around. The newfound light has rendered the shadows more hauntingly catastrophic.

***

I was a silent warrior all these years. I took everything in stride, learned to roll with the punches. But there is always THE LAST STRAW. And with that…a NEWFOUND VOICE.

To each, his own. I already expect some people will take things differently (human nature, if I can say so). While some people are appreciating the colors of the moment, some people chose to paint the picture black. But everything is relative. At the end of the day, only I can tell the colors of my world.

***

What the world need is not love. Love is too amorphous and intangible. There is something that is more accessible but most people render it elusive.

It’s called UNDERSTANDING.

It means putting yourself in other people’s shoes so you can see the world from their eyes. Hence, you will comprehend their actions and from there you will know how to lead or advise them. It also means listening to all sides of the story to get the total picture.

Understanding is a sister of OPEN COMMUNICATION.

***

Everyone has a story to tell. Having said that, everything is also NOT as it is told. That’s where UNDERSTANDING plays its vital part.

***

I thought that INSENSITIVE was already a superlative. Until I realized the next level: RUTHLESS.

***
LIFE is a bittersweet tangle of irony. You have to stop before you’ve even begun…The hardest thing and the right thing are the same…The cause is often the cure…Things change but somehow they remain the same…beautiful disasters…quiet storms….

All I know is life in not meant to be understood. It is meant to be learned, to be conquered. Like a treacherous wind, it can either break you in its fury… or you can harness its power and let it propel your predestined flight.

I summon the winds to take me in another direction.

***

The humble improves. The arrogant aimlessly walks in his own inert circle.

Random Act Of Kindness

It happened one sweltering Holy Thursday afternoon. J and I were sauntering along the length of Emerald, after meeting a friend who asked a favor from me (Good Karma #1). It was dreamlike to walk along a seemingly abandoned street, which on a regular day will be bustling with people and traffic (think I Am Legend). But the event that will follow will be more dreamlike (think Pay It Forward).

The combination of scorching sun and concrete jungle became our early Calvary. We sought refuge in a spot between two buildings where the wind is being funneled. While the cool wind is slowly lifting the clammy feeling on our arms (not to mention, our dampened spirits), we reminisced previous moments in the nearby buildings.

Out of nowhere came Joe (as we now call him). He is a American, a bit short in height but has the look of a globe-trotter (weather-beaten face, comfortable travel clothes and backpack). He may well be one of those contestants from The Amazing Race.

His first few words already resounded with desperation and a need for help. We initially thought he was asking for directions to get back to Subic and my mind was already processing bus terminal information. But as his story unfolds, we learned that he is not lost direction-wise (he came from California and has been here for almost a week), but he lost his wallet (with his money and cards) somewhere in Cubao and all that was left with him are a few coins. He has been trying to come-up with 360 pesos to get back to Subic .

Between J and I, we only have 300 pesos in small bills. So we decided to give Joe 500 pesos. The relief on Joe’s face is priceless. He shook our hands and greeted us Happy Easter. As he walked away, we saw him look up to the heavens in gratitude and kiss the 500 peso bill.

He left us with a surreal and uplifting feeling. Of course, the feeling of having helped someone in need is indescribable. What’s more surreal is that we were not supposed to be there. I know this will be melodramatic, but the chance that we will stop in that particular spot is very slim. It was like an invisible force wanted us to be there for that moment. And it sure felt that way.

We just wished that we will not be placed in the same predicament as Joe. Or whatever Judas experience Joe felt in this country will be masked by our Good Samaritan effort.

And maybe…Joe can throw some elusive good karma our way.

Glass Houses and Pretenses

I have lived so many lives though I’m not old
All I know is everything is not as it’s told
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds, the more I sow


I take pride in how I understand human nature. I can tolerate how some people react a certain way to a given scenario (even at my expense)…because they are only HUMAN. However, the flaws and foibles that define human nature can be downplayed if the person has the correct concept of what is RIGHT and FAIR. Such flaws include malevolence and envy. And once I detect that a certain course of action was borne out of these “ill will,” then I will exercise my human nature to lash back.

I am confident of what I am and what I have achieved. I have built my castle on rock solid ground. You can shake it all you want (if that gives meaning to your miserable existence), but I am stronger that the sum total of your travesty and pretenses. While I have “substance”, you only have “air.” Using this logic, a wiser person will choose his battles elsewhere. Tsk, tsk.

It never ceases to amaze me how some people have the audacity to cast stones at you when they themselves live in GLASS HOUSES.

You made your own bed of thorns, now you must lay on it.


P.S. You don’t deserve the attention. You don’t even deserve this space or this “tribute” to your wretched ways. But I have to say my piece (consider this as my Judas kiss). After this, I shove you back to where you were…to the NOTHING that you are.

Hodgepodge (February 2008)

It seemed ages since I last blogged. It seems eons ago since I opened my Friendster and Facebook accountw. What happened? February descended upon us with an avalanche of deadlines and hullabaloos, so much so that I have to hit the ground running. Excuse me while I catch my breath.

***

Winning B.I.G.

February is Sales Conference month. The two days of the year when we are brought together by a common goal: to unravel the plans (and targets) for the year. The time to bond and supposedly reinforce our teamwork. It is also the time when we acknowledge that everything and anything in our company revolves around SALES.

This sales conference was extra stressful for the organizers because it coincided with the celebration of the 20th year of our company. I was tasked to do the write-up for the AVPs….not one, not two…but THREE write-ups!!! While writing (in blog mode) is effortless for me, corporate writing entails a different language. There goes the stress. I had to really rack my brain on that one, especially the one about the theme reveal (and the 5 rings).

Here are the highlights of the 2-day Sales Conference (in no particular order).

1. The Triumphant Turned Emotional Big Night. This is a strictly-formal gala night which is billeted as one of our surprises for the salespeople. The jampacked line-up for the night includes awarding of the top sales performers, theme unveil (Win B.I.G in 20..08…B.I.G. stands for Beyond Individual Goals), 20th anniversary toast and a tribute to our president. Pressure on me since I had to co-host the event. Good thing I was paired again with my favorite co-host so that our spiels are more seamless and natural.


2. The Team Games. It has been a tradition for the SalesCon to have team games a la Amazing Race. I was part of the blue team. The games this year are more parlor games than Amazing Race but they are physical nonetheless. I spent most of my energies on the ball toss, hula hoop relay and caterpillar relay. Eventually, our team finished over-all second place. Green Team took the lead only because they were damn lucky at drawing straws (haha…sourgrape).


3. The endless picture taking. We have two official photographers armed with professional cameras and they did a great job in chronicling the activities through high-res photos. Kudos to C and M.


4. The search for our assigned villa. This was such an exasperating experience for us that I have to do an entire blog on this (for posting soon). For now, I have to say that Canyonwoods is “over-rated” and the person in-charge of the front desk needs a crash course in the basics of front desk management and customer service.


5. The celebrity guest. Although this is already the third time that Aga joined us for the SalesCon, he immersed himself in the activities this time. He had fun judging the activities, especially the egg contraption, that I have to call him twice to go inside for the next activity.

6. The accident. One of our KAMs was injured while completing the obstacle course. She had a dislocated shoulder and had to be rushed to a hospital to have it corrected immediately. Another minus point for Canyonwoods: they don’t have contingencies for accidents like this. Anyway, I accompanied C to the hospital since I was finished with my brand presentation by then. I must say that she is one brave girl with a high tolerance for pain.


7. The God-forsaken Dinner. On our way back to Manila, we stopped by Tagaytay for dinner (we were famished and we want M to enjoy Tagaytay). After a seemingly endless debate, we ended up in Antonio’s Grill. Guess who were there?! The GODS! Anyway, nalibre naman kami. Haha!


8. The gossip that was served with the coffee. Call me anything but a gossip monger. I stay out (or take middle ground) on things that are none of my business. But somehow, gossip has its way of finding me. But my lips are sealed. I have enough on my plate already and I will not be senselessly dragged into other people’s mess. I just hope that some people realize that there is a correct use of the grapevine.


***





THIRD…BUT STILL AMAZING

I’ve been a big fan Amazing Race and, of late, have been riveted to the The Amazing Race Asia Season 2 (TARA2) because Team Philippines (Marc Nelson and Rovilson Fernandez) has a good chance of finishing first. The two has been called Magnum PI or The Boys From The Philippines and their goofiness reminds me Eric and Jeremy (Frat Boys) and BJ and Tyler (Hippies) from TAR7.

I always knew Marc was articulate and smart since he was a YS writer for some time. I’m a Gameplan fan and have seen Rovilson’s wacko side. I have even met him personally and he has this “good man” vibe. Being subjected to the TARA’s challenges, the two were the epitome of grace under pressure and of enjoying the experience despite being in competition. They are really good on both the physical and the mental challenges. Since this is a game, expect some unfair play. However, their brand of treachery was tactical (read: game-driven) rather than out of spite for the competing team.

M&R finished 1st in 7 out of 12 legs, was a shoo-in for the final three and was the team that everyone was trying to beat. Unfortunately, the last leg entailed arranging the flags in the order of the countries they visited. Too bad Rovilson had to do it because he had a difficulty figuring it out. Watching from the side, Marc remained cool despite knowing the correct order (he took up Geography in university). I was heart-wrenching to see them finish third. But despite that, I think they “owned” TARA2. (Sidebar: How true are the rumors that Marc is eyed to replace host Allan Wu?...hmmmm)

Top Moments in the TARA2

1. Collin and Adrian finishing the fasttrack challenge and then risking a different train route. This eventually put them ahead of Marc and Rovilson in the final legs.

2. Henry and Teri’s constant bickering and verbal assaults on each other. Often, I wished they were not representing the Philippines.

3. The participant’s response to BALUT. Always classic and priceless.

4. Paula suffering from temporary memory loss after completing the pool dive challenge


5. Henry and Teri yielding Marc and Rovilson, who was way ahead of them. They must have misunderstood the concept of Yield


6. The challenge at the orphanage in Africa added “heart” to the show.


7. Bret sticking it out Kinar with, even through their eventual elimination.


***

I’m gravitating towards another exquisite extreme. The knowledge that I have to balance the magic and the myth. I’m looking for what’s stable and logical, but I only get what’s happy and hysterical. It is more than enough… but also more than what I can take.

***

I promised myself that the day will come. Finally, your magic and spell has lost its effect on me.



***

All the things we want each other to be
We never will be
And that’s wonderful. That’s LIFE.

Something Happened On The Way To Heaven

In one of those quiet silences that preludes a hectic workweek, I hastily finished a book that I slyly borrowed from an officemate. It was a book I’ve seen often in the NBS Bestseller List, a book that I’ve long wanted to buy for myself but never gotten into buying.

It was The Five People You Meet In Heaven.




Truth to tell, I didn’t like Tuesdays With Morrie, the first book by Mitch Albom which is in the Favorite Book List of almost every other booklover. I found it too preachy, dripping in saccharine and it just expounded on things that I knew all along… that life already taught me. I can understand why some people are so inspired and affected by this book. But for me, I sort of experienced it firsthand.

This book was a different. I couldn’t put it down and became one of the few books I had to finish in one sitting. For one, it talks about unfamiliar territory….death and the concept of heaven. Albom touched a sensitive and poignant topic which is the fear and obsession of any mortal. Albom used DEATH to give a new meaning to LIFE and he succeeds in doing so.

His concept of death and heaven is nothing out of ordinary. What’s unexpected is that we saw our life in Eddie’s. His story presents a proverbial paranoia of which five people we will meet if this is the correct concept of heaven.

Alboms injected the correct amount of sentimentality to deliver the transcendent impact. This book did not make me teary-eyed but it left me with renewed sense of importance. It presented alternative answers to some of my life questions. It re-acknowledged my vow to leave this world a better place by touching as many lives as I can. Should my time come, I want one my five people to thank me for being a blessing in his life. As simple as that.

Speaking of the five people, I have identified my potential Ruby and my potential Captain. I have a vague concept of my Marguerite (unless someone else will come along). Of course, I cannot identify my Blue Man and I do hope that I won’t have my Tala.

My choice lines from this book are:

The running boy is inside every man, no matter how old he gets.

Holding anger is poison, it eats you from the inside. Hatred is a curved blade: the harm we do to others, we do to ourselves

When these senses weaken, another heightens. Memory becomes your partner. Life has to end, love doesn’t.


Five Reasons To Like TFPYMIH

1. It inculcates profound values without the bias and discourse that taints the values adapted through religion.

2. It is written in simple, accessible prose. I’ve said it many times: what’s simple is often true.

3. It is only about 200-pages long. But its impact is beyond measure.

4. It has a lot of references to the Philippines. One of the five people is Filipino. Albom only missed out on one Tagalog translation: sundalong was used instead of sundalo (soldier).


5. It puts your life in perspective. Above anything, it forces you to understand your life NOW. It shows you that in the intricate tapestry called life, our individual threads become interwoven and one thing leads to another.

Anything But Down

They all say I’m too restless
But words cut deep when you’re defenseless

There was a time when we were fine
And I could tolerate you
But now I just don’t understand you
And you don’t know me at all

You paint my picture black
The joke’s on me and I refuse to laugh
Remember the good times?
Won’t you bring them back
Someday…somehow


We all try to cauterize the PAINS we have to carry. But sometimes our past is so significant that we cannot dissolve it even if we tried.

CHANGE can mask the pain, but sometimes it also uncovers and un-heals it. So you keep going back to where you once fell, in search of the redemption you need to move on. Who will save your soul? You search for the answers that you knew all along. It was YOU.

I fall asleep dreaming that things will be as they used to be. But I know everything is so fleeting. They vanish as reality comes crashing to the floor.

There is a metamorphosis that is too complex for me to take part of. There is a bitter pill that I refuse to swallow. We may be going upward, but for every climb there is this downward slide that I can’t ride.

I can and I will try. But somewhere….something’s got to give.

***

After my series of fall-and-rise blogs last year, my friend A (who is my self-appointed critique and talent manager) posted a bulletin inviting people to come visit my blog. She called it Blog For The Heart and Soul. I know I bled my heart out on those blogs but I’m no Chicken Soup.

When I was a child, somebody told me: You have to leave this world a better place than it was before you came.

Suffice to say, this is the best way I know of doing just that.

****

A friend, after bursting forth with her sob story, asked me: What is wrong with me?

I said: What is wrong with you is that you pinned your happiness on one person. I understand that in being in love, your happiness become directly proportional to the presence of that person. Which should not be the case. There are people out there who values the real you. But we tend to forget these people because we focus on that one person who does not even know what we have to give. Find your happiness…other than with him.

She said: I wish I can be as strong as you. Continue to be happy.

I said: I CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY. Who said my life now is better than last year’s? It’s just that I got tired of wallowing in the misery and negativity. It doesn’t get me anywhere anyway… so why bother.

It really boils down on how you see things. New life lenses, anyone?

A Ban On Misguided Moral Guardians

I heard some amusing news lately. A certain group of people is pushing for the banning of condom ads. They argue that it gives teenagers a license to be promiscuous or ill-informed about sex.

Funny…very funny!

In a country that is dominated by Catholics, it is not surprising that some people think of themselves as moral guardians. But this is really pushing the envelope too far. Can someone ask those people what their issues really are? Is it the promiscuity of teens? I’m sorry but that is a fact of life, you cannot argue with genetics. As if they never experienced how it was to have raging teen hormones. Is their issue the growing number of teen pregnancies? I’m sorry again but I don’t think banning condom ads is the solution to this.

Way back in college, I had a term paper which recommends abolishing the MTRCB. Back then, the MTRCB was receiving so much flack due to their ban of now-classic movies like Schindler’s List and The Piano. I discovered a lot of articles that supported our main argument: the Garden of Eden complex (remember Eve and the apple?). The more you ban something, the more it becomes tempting. We are after all, sons of Adam and Eve.

In Denmark, the government removed the ban on smut and porn. After some time people, it became a non-event, a fact of life. Did sexual crimes or unwanted pregnancies escalate because of this liberal act? Absolutely not. It actually worked as some sort of reverse-psychology…it became so un-tempting. Not that I am promoting smut or pornography here, my point is that we place undue attention on something that should have been "ordinary" in the first place.

Like I always said, look at the basic issue and address it. I am not prudish nor am I liberated but sex is not as “evil” as some people are depicting it. After everything is said and done, it all boils down to being RESPONSIBLE. We have to teach our kids to be responsible. If these parents continue rolling their eyes on this sex issue, then they should expect the kids to look for the answers elsewhere. So who now gave these kids the license to be ill-informed about sex? Tsk, tsk…some people have a weird concept of the term “guidance.”

Times like this, I miss Eminem. He is, hands down, the best adviser for teenagers. He teaches a lesson by painting the horror story and its consequences (do this and you get this). He confronts issues and explains without insulting the intelligence of these kids. But I digress…my views on Emimem merits another blog.

Too bad I lost my copy of that term paper. I would have mailed it to these misguided moral guardians. The 1.0 grade would have been enough to shut them up.

The Way 2007 Are (The Best Of List)

Year 2008 started off to a fantastic start. Part of the holiday spirit spilled over to the first work week of the year. Maybe (fingers crossed), this is a precursor of greater things ahead.

Like any mortal, I made some new year resolutions. But unlike any mortal, I vow not to forget them as soon as the crisp cold air gives way to the first sign of summer. After all, they are not just resolutions, but more of paradigm shifts coming from my challenging episodes last year.

Having said that, I’m glad some people also chose to leave the “remarkable” events and issues of last year in some corner of their cortex, to become distant memories. Only the lessons learned were carried over to the new year.

The first work week was relatively slow so I had time to organize the literal mess I managed to accumulate during the past months. I have regained part of my OC self; although I don’t know I want to go back to being that stringent. In my work maybe, but not in other aspects of my life.

***

A friend asked me what happened to my Year-end Best Of List. It took me a moment to understand what she was saying. Then it hit me. The critique and reviewer in me failed to release the Best-Worst List for last year. I was so caught up in my personal turmoil, so to speak, that I forgot my other passions.

Truth to tell, I was out-of-touch for the most part of the second half of the year. My priorities somehow shifted or maybe I expanded my turf. Case in point: I totally stayed away from the TV so much so that for the first time, I didn’t know what was happening with Pinoy Big Brother (Celebrity Edition) or Survivor (China).

Anyway, to stay true to tradition, here are my personal bests for 2007. You can mock my pop-infused choices, but these are the songs and programs I related to and served as the background of my life in 2007. I won’t put My Chemical Romance or Fall-Out Boy on my list just to sound cool. I’m cool enough to know what I like.

Best of Songs 2007

1. The Way I Are (Timbaland feat Doe and Keri Hilson)
2. Gotta Go My Own Way (Nikki Gil)
3. Do You Know (The Ping Pong Song) (Enrique Iglesias)
4. Hey There Delilah (Plain White T’s)
5. Samson (Regina Spektor)
6. Falling Away (Miguel Escueta)
7. Over You (Daughtry)
8. Wait For You (Elliot Yamin)
9. Umbrella (Rihanna/Mandy Moore)
10. Makes Me Wonder (Maroon 5)

Personal Theme Song 2007: Gotta Go My Own Way (from HSM2)
Most Played On iPod: The Way I Are (Timbaland feat. Doe and Keri Hilson)
Favorite Re-current Songs: Breakdown (Mariah Carey feat. BTNH), The Hurt (Kalapana), What Might Have Been (Lou Pardini)


Best of Albums 2007

1. Daughtry (Daughtry)
2. Wild Hope (Mandy Moore)
3. It Won’t Be Soon Before Long (Maroon 5)
4. Shock Value (Timbaland)
5. Loose (Nelly Furtado)

Best of Movies 2007 (Disclaimer: from those I got to watch)

1. Transformers
2. The Bourne Ultimatum
3. High School Musical 2 (made-for-TV movie)

Side-bar: For some reason, I haven’t watched Spiderman 3 and Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. This is coming from a big Spidey and HP addict!

Best of TV 2007

1. Pinoy Big Brother Season 2 (ABS-CBN)
2. Amazing Race Asia 2 (AXN)
3. Anderson Cooper 360 Degrees (CNN)
4. One Tree Hill (ETC)
5. Executive Class (ANC)


***

I’m already halfway into reading “Dispatches From The Edge.” I must say this is one of the best books to read in between calendar shifts. The heartfelt but devastating stories which Anderson narrates puts your life in perspective and makes you appreciate whatever semblance of stability you have.

Sometimes Anderson uses a voice that borders on commentary or political diatribe. But those people who got the flack deserved it. In a world full of ironies, Anderson twisted the knife deeper and exposed a basic pain and suffering that seemed improbable in these ultra modern times.

Here I am wishing for a 2nd serving of Dispatches.

The ISKO In Me

This past week, I received text messages from fellow Iskolars; poignant and pompous text messages to commemorate the Centennial of our beloved Alma Mater.

This one is the most-sent: UP made you in such a way that when the world is sitting, you would be standing…and when the world is standing, you’ll stand out…and when the world stands out, you’ll be outstanding…and when the world tries to be outstanding, you’ll be be standard. In short, laging pasaway ka. Isang masaya and may-yabang na sentenaryo, UPians.

I don’t know if the UP world has evolved since I graduated. But whoever wrote this is not from UP. Coz we never called ourselves UPians. It’s like only the outsiders refer to AS as Palma Hall.

The sentiment is also way too cocky. I remember a naughty vandal on my dormroom locker which read: It’s not how big your tool is, it’s how you use it.

I will paraphrase: It’s not from which school your diploma is, it’s how you use it. This goes out to all youngbloods out there who think that a UP diploma is a surefire ticket to success.

***

With the whole fuss over the UP Centennial, I look back at my UP experience. It’s a known fact that UP boasts of an out-of-the-box education; of learning beyond the four corners of the classroom. And this is indeed true. After UP, nothing can shock me anymore. UP exposed me to a lot of elements, showed me all the astonishing facets of human nature. Looking back, my time in UP is similar to a 5-year Amazing Race stint. I entered with only the basics and learned to navigate all the detours and the setbacks. I came out of it, not with a diploma, but with a roadmap and blueprint to LIFE.

These are the 10 Things UP taught me:

1. You have to rely on yourself. You have to find answers to your own questions. You even have to self-study topics that the teachers never taught you coz it’s part of the curriculum and part of the exam.

2. Act tough. Stick and stones can hurt your bones but you have to remain strong despite all the shit being thrown around. Predators come at the first sight of blood. Teachers will grill you more if you flinched for even a bit.

3. To each, his own. UP prides itself in its diversity so you have to learn to deal with different kinds of people. Be careful with your choice of words or risk getting in the wrong side of a “minority” (sic). Be politically correct.

4. Analyze. There are different approaches to everything and you have to find the most utilitarian way. (I almost believed that “utilitarian” was another UP lingo).

5. Stand up. No, I’m not talking about the USC party. UP forces you have an opinion on a lot of things and discourages apathy. It promotes freedom of expression and exchange of opinion and ideas. Respect the ideas and opinions of others if you want the same respect.

6. Notice the fine line and thread lightly. There is usually a fine line between two worlds and the certified Iskos know how to navigate this line. Like there is a fine line between “that’s my opinion” and “live and let live.” There is also a fine line between being confident and being arrogant.

7. Do not generalize. Most things have to be dealt with on a case-to-case basis. Look at both the macro and the micro.

8. Think with your mind, not your mouth. Talking nonsense is a mortal sin. Learn to shut up.

9. Learn to KISS. Keep It Simple, Stupid. Putting too much icing on the cake or beating around the bush are tactics of a coward.

10. Do not be afraid to ask, to make mistakes and to say sorry. These are all part of the learning process.