Lost And Gone

Of late, I had some déjà vu brushes with history. I don’t know what to make of it. The vile taste is gone but it was not pleasant either. Wounds were not scraped raw but I am still protective of my scars. After all, they are my spiteful medallions; a constant grim reminder of how imprudent I can be.

I may be fascinated with the mundane details but that doesn’t mean I give a hoot. I will not walk and lessen the distance. I will not sing along to this ostentatious melody. Indifference is my most potent instinct. I now choose the truths that I will hold dear.

I realize that happiness has a certain fleeting nature and often it comes with a painful trade-off. Such cruel ambiguity is too colossal for me. In the end, I just refuse to feel.

Sometimes it is really better to be lost than to be found.

Fragments #6

She said: May KF pa din!

I said: What’s KF?

She said: Kilig factor...dumarami na ang acronyms natin!

I said: O...i c

This reminds me of a very funny conversation between Ryan and Seth (The O.C.):



Seth: So, what's the GP, RA?
Ryan: I have no idea what you just said.
Seth: Game plan, Ryan Atwood
Ryan: You're just using initials now?
Seth: Yeah, it saves time.
Ryan: Well not if you have to translate.
Seth: GP.
Ryan: Game plan?
Seth: Good point

***

An officemate asked: Barns, may plastic ka ba? (Got plastic [bag]?)

I replied: Madami ako kakila, sino gusto mo? (I know a lot, who do you prefer?)

Everyone near me laughed.

***

Yesterday I was laughing myself silly with C&D’s Top 10 Signs That Nobody Loves You over at RX93.1.

One entry: Pag hindi mo masabing nilangaw ang party mo dahil pati mga langaw binoycott ang party mo. (You can’t say that only the fruit flies attended your party [this is a local idiom meaning near-zero attendance] because even the fruit flies boycotted it).

Another entry: Pag ang nakalagay sa lapida mo “Keep Off The Grass.” (When your tombstone inscription says “Keep Off The Grass”)

Still another entry: When people go to your wake not to mourn for you but to make sure you ARE dead.

AI Update: Rock God Or Dark Horse?

This week, one more worthy contestant lost his chance to be the next American Idol. My jinx didn’t work this time (a big whew!).

The Final Three performed two songs, one selected by the judges and one hand-picked by them. Two sides of the coin in terms of artistic relevance.



Ding ding...round one!

Danny was given an obscure song (Dance Little Sister) by Paula. His vocals were fine but not great. The problem is that the song was beautiful but it was unknown (at least to us) and it was up tempo, hence Danny has to dance which is not his cup of tea. It ended nice but awkward.

Kris was given OneRepublic's Apologize by Kara and Randy. He sang it on piano and stayed true to the original, which is disappointing considering Kris’ uncanny ability to rehash a song and make it his own. Kara pointed this out and received a lashing from Simon. He said she cannot blame Kris for interpreting a song SHE chose.

Adam was given U2’s One by Simon (even bragging about calling Bono to ask permission). His performance was expectedly amazing, given a song that strong.

Round one belongs to...Adam Lambert.

Ding ding...round two!

Danny sang the classic You Are So Beautiful To Me. His rendition was soulful and heartfelt. He has a staggering connection with the audience that you can’t help but be moved. But it was something we’ve seen before.

Kris sang Kanye’s Heartless and words will not be enough to express my amazement. He sang this rap-sung masterpiece on the acoustic guitar, giving the songs an entirely different feel. It was jaw-dropping! I already liked Heartless even before this but I swear his version is more likable the original version (Kanye might not be happy hearing this).



Kris’ greatest talent is that he does not oversing, he focuses on delivering the song. Adam has better vocals but they are overwhelmed by his flashiness.

If I will have to remember this season with a single performance...hands down, it will be this. It was not the best performance of the season (or even for Kris...his best for me was his take on Falling Slowly) but it was indelibly memorable (that’s redundant, I know...but that’s how it really is). And as friend said, this is bound to follow the crossover success of David Cook’s Always Be My Baby(eventually stealing this song from Mariah Carey’s repertoire).

Adam sang Aerosmith’s Cryin’ complete with all the requisite wailing and screams. After all, this is his turf. Screeching rock. Yeah, it was great but it was something expected of him. For me, he is at his best when he surprises with a slow song, like what he did with Tracks Of My Tears.

Round two belongs to Kris. Woot-wooo!

The results episode was nerve-racking to say the least. It was really anybody’s microphone...ok, I mean ballgame.

I wished for a Danny-Kris finale showdown but I know that’s next to impossible considering Adam’s strength.

By now, the world knows that Danny Gokey was voted off. Which is ironic coz he has never been in the bottom three but he was cut from the Final Three. He was a shoo-in for the finale from the very start but Kris really outshone him in the later weeks. Danny is very talented and I like his personality, but he is not as “revolutionary” as the other two.




Like Matt Giraud, we are bound to see him in the charts sooner than later. I just hope that he finds his musical niche because his voice is middling, and I mean that positively (unlike Matt’s which is surefire soul/R&B). He can pick any genre but he may fall into the trap that destroyed Taylor Hicks. I hope they learn from Carrie who chose country and led that genre.



In a competition ruled by choices, I just find it indulgent (to borrow from Simon) how they allowed bias so blatantly. I am talking about Adam Lambert’s name emblazoned on Katy Perry’s cape. Like they were already bestowing victory on him. I mean if they will do that, then they should be fair and tattoo Kris Allen’s name on Jordin Spark’s big hips. Sorry Jordin, for being the unwarranted victim of my famous sarcasm.

Any-hoo, for next week, here’s my fearless forecast:



Who Will Win: Adam Lambert
Who I Want To Win: Kris Allen

But it will be so close that the Dark House will have a 50% chance to upset the Rock God.

***

In this photo (taken during the Top 3 results) Kris shows the black polish on this right thumb. Adam has black polish on all of his fingers, except the thumb. Yin and yang? An act of camaraderie or a bad omen?

Book Of Hatred And Compassion

I finished reading House Of Sand And Fog last week. I’ll have to say that this is one of the heaviest, darkest and most emotionally draining book I have read. Like being visited by a Dementor, I closed the book with the feeling that all the happy emotions has been sucked out of me.

As I said in my previous blog, this is basically a catastrophic intersection of three different lives. In its core is a searing portrayal of the American dream turned into a nightmare. We witness tragedy relentlessly escalate into another tragedy, like an ugly picture given an even uglier lighting.

Colonel Behrani is a greedy Iranian immigrant who just wants to rebuild his family’s lost glory. Kathy is a troubled woman who is trying to withstand her increasingly hopeless life. Sheriff Burdon is a man lost in his own domestic dilemma and looks for the answers in Kathy’s parallel struggle. Basically, three wrongs that will never make a right.

Very unlike Anita Shreve novels where the characters are lifted in the end; here we were not given that absolution. We watch the three leads crawl into the hole they dug for themselves and all we can do is gasp in horror and mourn their fates. In their forsaken tangle of conflicts, the characters did nothing but destroy themselves. What’s even more disheartening is the fact that everything started with a simple mistake that was allowed to snowball. Why, oh why.

Like an exquisite soap opera, we are ping-ponged between the characters so much so that we cannot decipher the heroes from the villains. We care for and hate them at the same time. We want to understand them in such perplexing circumstances. But we really can’t.

Andre Dubus III is a brilliant writer with a wicked sympathy and in-depth understanding of society and the clash of culture. His narrative is simplistic and vivid yet at the same time powerful and tender. His greatest talent is telling two sides of the story with consummate sincerity and conviction. He successfully marries compassion and hatred and the result is confounding, to say the least. I just don’t understand his unfair references to Filipinos (but I am half-biased here).

House of Sand And Fog is memorable in a dark, lingering way; a Greek tragedy retold in contemporary setting. It shows us how we can be trapped in our own circumstances. It examines the choices that make up a life's direction. This book is also relevant in the way it depicts culture and society and the terrible truths that shapes our very existence.

This book has been turned to a movie but I’m not interested in watching it. The book is already hauntingly depressing; so seeing it all over again on the big screen is already masochistic torture.

The Heatseekers (May 10, 2009)

Note: This is the debut of The Heatseekers series on this blog. This series feature music news and updates, chart predictions and basically anything that defines the current music landscape.

***
Here are ten new tracks I have unearthed lately and will soon steam up the charts.

The Heatseekers (May 10, 2009)
* Black Heart Inertia (Incubus)
* Please Don’t Stop The Rain (James Morrison)
* Know Your Enemy (Green Day)
* No Surprise (Daughtry)
* I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho) (Pitbull)
* 1,2,3,4 (Plain White T’s)
* My Love (The Dream feat. Mariah Carey)
* Sandali Na Lang (Hale)
* Revelry (Kings of Leon)

***

Mandy Moore’s video for the new single I Could Break Your Heart Any Day of the Week has premiered on Yahoo Videos.

Moore was never one of those pop stars who use high-production and glossy videos as a marketing gimmick. Her only memorable video is Crush (her only TRL #1). She lets the music, not the video, speak for itself.

In the new video we see a more adult and more sophisticated (yes...prettier) Moore. I just find it a little too inconsistent with the song’s melody and sentiment. The playfulness and empowerment is there but I think the video uses more shock value than the song’s imprint. The end part where Moore gives the sensei a taste of girl power is humorous in a confusing sort of way. The guy who plays the sensei looks familiar. I first thought it was Flea from the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. Research says it is Chuck Liddell from Ultimate Fighting Championship (Mandy is a fan of this mixed martial arts).


Mandy Moore - I Could Break Your Heart Any Day of the Week (Official Music Video) -


The music bible Billboard has spoken. This is their review of ICBYHADOTW (whew...such a long title might ruin its chances atop the charts), dated May 9:

I Could Break Your Heart Any Day of the Week
Mandy Moore

Michael Menachem

Mandy Moore has been a recording artist for 10 years and continues churning out mature, yet age-appropriate songs. The tongue-in-cheek single "I Could Break Your Heart Any Day of the Week" is a feel-good pop song with restrained production, refreshingly showcasing the melody and Moore's alluring vocals. She recorded her sixth studio album, "Amanda Leigh" (the title is the singer's birth name), with Boston producer Mike Viola, who tapped into a hand-clapped rhythm and funky clavinet sounds, resulting in a light and bubbly sound for the season. Moore's new album floats into stores May 26.

I am counting the days to May 26. Sixteen days to go...

Incidentally, Moore is featured in the latest Details magazine. This is one of her most seductive pictorials ever.





***

Some Music Tidbits:

* Rob Thomas will be soon release his sophomore solo effort called Cradlesong (after the successful debut Something To Be).

* Black Eyed Peas is riding high as they enjoy their first Billboard #1 with Boom Boom Pow. Go, Pinoy... go, Apl.

* Another idol alumni is getting raves. First there was Jennifer Hudson who proved that you don't need to win AI to make it big (Hudson is the only Idol contestant to have nabbed an Oscar and a Grammy). Just this week, Constantine Maroulis received a Tony Award nomination for his work on the Broadway production of Rock of Ages.

First Week MAY-hem

The first week of the month always tops the hectic-o-meter. Two friends even asked if I am still alive and complained that I haven’t been answering their texts (kasi naman magtetext when I’m presiding over a meeting). I’m just glad this toxic week is over and I can chill the weekend out.

This week, after the stressful monthly meeting, I worked double time because I have to go to Cebu in the later part of the week. But I am in high spirits because of a very exciting product we are launching (clue: now you can eat cookies to take care of your heart, wink wink). More work...I know, but I really believe in this product so I am investing my 101% effort into this project. Nothing is more inspiring that a product that will speak for itself.

Anyhoo, more about that in a separate blog.

So we flew to Cebu last Thursday. I was with KG and BA and despite our jam-packed and very tiring schedule, we somehow attracted some misadventures:

* We were so paranoid with the H1N1 scare at Cebu that within seconds from emerging from the airport we were anointing our bodies with alcohol like it was the elixir of life.

* It was raining very hard the night before our flight due to incoming typhoon. I hate flying in stormy weather! Good thing it was only light rain when we left on the first flight out Thursday.

* The CR at the Waterfront won’t flush. I had to call maintenance early in the morning.

*I wasn’t able to watch TV (I missed American Idol and Us Two) because the presidential son was my roommate. Upside: We had a very cerebral conversation. I was surprised at the level of maturity he has achieved at such an early age.

* On our return flight we were again apprehensive about the weather so checked with those who boarded the earlier flights. They said weather was OK but there was a lot of turbulence. So we requested that we be seated somewhere near the front (which would rock less). But the check-in guy took us TOO literally...we were seated at the very front!

I could see the pilot’s cabin from where I was seated. But the funny thing is that we were facing the flight stewardesses who sit in the pull-down chairs near the door and vocalizes robotically all the announcements. Pretty weird! But we really wanted to sleep so we didn’t mind them.

* I parked at the overnight parking at NAIA-3 and when we returned, the left rear wheel was flat. Good thing there was a Total gas station a stone’s throw awa). But that’s not all...we found out that the trunk won’t close. We improvised with a ribbon from BA’s bag and surprisingly it held until we reached BA’s house. From there I replaced it with a much stronger straw rope.

That’s a lot of misadventures for just two days! But we did have some enjoyable moments, especially with MB around.

The new Ayala Terraces was awesome! At last... another taste of opulence in this third world desolation. I was able to try the Laguna resto and of course, Lemon Grass. I was introduced to Lemon Grass years ago and I really really love their food (must try: the pineapple rice and pad thai).

Too bad we were not able to go to Club Ultima, with its sky walk and rides similar to the ones in Singapore and Malaysia. Maybe because BA prayed against it (she is afraid of heights...shhh). I was looking forward to the aerial walk. Anyhoo, there’s always a next time.

Finally I will get to enjoy the weekend! Tops on my to-do list is celebrate Mother’s Day with my family, watch Wolverine (I’ve heard some rave reviews) and finish the last few pages of the book I’m reading.

AI Update: Presenting…The Boy’s Club

Before that, just an erratum for my previous American Idol update blog. The theme two weeks back was bratpack standards (you know, the big bands) and not jazz. I really get confused with these music genres. And the best performance for me that night was Matt Giraud and his My Funny Valentine. As Simon said, it was splendid. But apparently that was not enough to save him for the second time.

Hands down, the Top Five has talent and brimming potential. So from that point forward the contest turns into a popularity and showmanship competition.

This week, the theme was rock and roll. My hectic schedule only allowed me to catch snippets of the performance night.



Of the remaining four, I will say that Kris and Danny will have a difficult time exploring rock music. And from the judges’ comments, I think it was indeed Kris who hit rock bottom performance-wise. I loved his song choice, though (Come Together, one of my most well-liked Beatles classic). Danny would have been fine but he tried a vocal calisthenics (a “rock scream”) that only Adam can pull off. As expected Allison and Adam gave astounding performances, henceforth being called rock god and goddess.

I just watched the results episode a few minutes ago. Kris was so shocked to be the first to be saved. I laughed at his Miss Universe expression (hands on mouth in the height of surprise).

Despite her astounding duet with Adam, it was Allison’s turn to go home. Which leaves us with three men and a title.



The performance night surely rocked with the return of No Doubt and Daughtry. I have been a fan of No Doubt since my college days (even before Don’t Speak became jolog-ized by pop radio). I remember Jaybee and I taking turns in playing their debut cassette (you read it right...cassette tape) in our dorm room. Their greatest hits CD (ayan...CD na) resides on my Fave CD stack.



Chris Daughtry was my personal pick during Season 5. Unfortunately he didn’t make the cut for the Final Two, giving way to Katherine McPhee and eventual winner Taylor Hicks. As we know, the careers of these two never really took of. Whereas, Chris formed a band and spawned the biggest selling rock debut in SoundScan history. If I were to choose five best albums from the past three years, their CD will be a sureshot pick.



Speaking of Daughtry, I have this curse that my bet usually ends up the as second runner up (also happened with Elliot Yamin). The current Top Five have all been my favourites at some point in time. And I have proclaimed that they are all deserving of the crown.

Lately, I have singled out Kris (ever since he sang Make You Feel My Love then Falling Slowly and She Works Hard for the Money). But the past two weeks has been way out of his league (he is more Jason Mraz than Rob Thomas). With this, I think he will be in danger next week.

The new American Idol will be crowned on May 20. My forecast: it will be a guy. Haha!

Happy Birthday, Ma!

Last Sunday, while everyone was holding their breaths for the Pacquaio-Hatton fight, we pulled off something that we just planned about a month ago. We celebrated my Mom’s birthday in a non-traditional way...renting a private resort and having an off-Christmas reunion of sorts.

Good thing the rains stopped and the day was deliciously warm. Or else I won’t be able to swim, coming from my bout with flu just last week.

The food was a glutton-inducing feast. I ate until I cannot eat anymore. Especially the freshly baked oysters and the succulent watermelons (the advantage of living in the province).

I also dared myself to belt out a couple songs from the videoke machine even if my throat is still healing. My uncle was egging me on, even requesting some rocks songs that is bound to hurt my throat.

I didn’t mind…just for the fun of it.

Love Thy Neighor (Yeah, Right!)

It’s Friday, Labor Day Holiday. April just passed us like a breeze.

I’m back but I’m not yet in the pinkest of health. I’m still under (expensive...huhu) medication. Some people are joking that I might have caught the swine flu. Maybe...because I have been with some pigs lately, haha.

It’s my first time alone since my house arrest due to this flu/throat problem. I haven’t been in my pad (naks!) in QC for days and when I got back, I realize I already have a new neighbour.

Today, I woke up to loud music blaring from New Neighbour. The Bee Gees were shrilling at me when I still want to sleep. And Noisy Neighbor will even sing along at the top of his voice. How can some people be that inconsiderate!? Haven’t they heard of some god-sent tools like headphones and MP3 players? I have no choice but use my own headphone to block off the Bee Gees ruckus next door.

We’ve had quite a lot of experience with these neighbours. Back in Bulacan, our neighbour will practice his piano at all times of the day! Often at 6AM you will wake up to the tinkling piano notes of A Thousand Miles. So much so that I am starting to hate that song. And he can only play that and another obscure song. My poor sister, who has shifting work sked, has to deal with this...everyday!

Last New Year’s Eve we had a running joke that we will reward anyone who will throw a firecracker at Piano Guy so he will lose his fingers (bad joke, I know!).

***

PIGS CAN'T FLY, BUT THE SWINE FLU

This swine flu is quite alarming especially when CNN uses such terms as “pandemic” or “inevitable.” Another karma for humankind for not taking care of this planet. And how timely this is considering that we are already in the depths of a global recession.



I just hope we will be spared from the domino effect of this swine flu. Like we were spared from SARS some years back. I don’t know if the government was really that effective in their anti-SARs campaign or we are just damn lucky. It sometimes pays to be in a strategic location on the map. I mean we are surrounded by seas and not other countries so we can somehow control things that are coming into our area of responsibility. Yes, except typhoons.

***

SUMMER'S GONE, SETH

Speaking of typhoons, it seems like summer just packed up and left. One moment I was blogging about this summer being a scorcher, and then some rains. But now it has been raining for days! The weather is also not as hot even if it's not raining.

Too bad because some people have yet to enjoy their summer soiree and getaways. Imagine waiting a year to enjoy the beach only for the weather to come raining on your parade...literally!

***

SUGAR-FREE...CAFFEINE-FREE...LIFELESS

It’s been more than a week since I last had any coffee or chocolates. The craving is killing me! Now I know how smokers feel.

I’m still looking at alternatives to quench the craving. Tea is not that enjoyable but at least it comes close.

Any ideas?

***

IN MY HUMBLE OPINION

When I decided to blog and let my thoughts float unto cyberspace, I already braced myself for people's opinions, be it good or bad. Variety (even of opinions) is the spice of life.

I think it’s a little too arrogant to call someone names because his opinion differs from yours. This is my life, my thoughts, my blog. Love it or hate it, this is the way I see the world. Notice the title: Through Bernard’s Looking Glass.

But if that’s what you think, I respect that. That’s how “smart” I am.

AI Update: And Then There Were Four

I have two-weeks worth of American Idol updates. So here are quick ones.

Last week, the theme was Disco Night and the fate of the double elimination is hanging over the Top 7’s heads.

For me the best performance came from Kris Allen with his inimitable take on an unlikely song. He sang She Works Hard For The Money and gave it a wicked twist. On the downside, the judges poked fun at him by saying he liked "shopping in the girl’s department."



The worst is still Lil Rounds. It was like watching an amateur contest on a local noontime show.

Remember the bold statement I made during my last AI blog? I said take out Lil, take out Anoop and the remaining five are all well-deserving of the title.

Well, that’s what happened...to my utter contentment.

This is really the best Top 5 of any season. It will be heart-wrenching to watch any of them go. The only consolation is that with THAT kind of talent and potential, these Five are assured of life after AI. They can all be the next Daughtry. More promising careers than even those of past winners. Yes, I am talking about you, Taylor Hicks.

This week was jazz night and truth to tell I haven’t watched this week’s performance episode. So I cannot gauge which one is my personal best.

But I caught the elimination episode. The result was quite appalling! I was expecting Matt and Allison to be in the bottom two. But Allison joined Danny in the top 2 and Adam (the frontrunner) was in the bottom 2!

As expected, even if I hate to see him go, it was the end of the road for Matt G. Even if he sang a very haunting version of My Funny Valentine and the judges gave a collective WOW. I have great belief that I will see Matt in the charts real soon. He can give JT a run for his money (although I think he is getting tired of the JT comparison...ok, howabout Robin Thicke?).



Only four left and the winner will be crowned three weeks from now. The suspense is unbearable. Next week will be Rock and Roll Nights and we know all four can rock!

So Sick...

Hey there everyone! I realize I have not been blogging as fast as I should. The last blog I posted was last Tuesday; but I wrote it over the weekend. And what kills me is that some of my dear friends have or will celebrate their birthdays and I haven’t written my token blog (What kind of friend am I?!). I will just roll out those birthday greetings in one heart-melting blog one of these days (Promise!).

I have the perfect excuse. I was Ne-Yo this past week. So Sick.

This is my worst bout with sickness and I can’t believe I was already a few steps from the O.R. door! No, please, no! I’ve lasted thirty years without having been hospitalized, more so undergoing surgery (well except that rite-of-passage surgery that male tweens go through).

Monday, April 20

I woke up early Monday with the beginnings of a flu. But I ignored it coz we have a big product launch that day. During the launch, the microphone was not working well so we decided to ditch it and instead relied on our ever-capable loud voices. I was bellowing to be heard, especially during the fun and highly-charged game.






After the launch, I ran out of adrenaline and all the flu-ish symptoms came rushing back. I was also developing a sore throat from all the shouting.

Tuesday

I decided to take a sick leave so I can shake off the flu. Our business review presentation will be on Thursday so I have to regain my stamina for the next two days.

Wednesday

I had to work and finish the BR presentation. My body was a wonderland and cooperated with me. I thought I had kissed the flu goodbye. But turned out it can be like someone you know. A traitor.

Thursday (Business Review Day)

I hitched a ride so I won’t tire myself driving. I was there early and then I started having chills. It was only when room filled with people that the cold feeling dissipated. Good thing that my presentation just took several minutes. Maybe they pitied my sickly look and wobbly voice so they did not interrogate me as much.

But then things took a turn for the worse after that. I first had after a separate meeting with MB and KG to finalize a surprise for a couple of friends. A surprise that I will not be able to attend because of this sickness (please see invites I made below). Too bad.



I returned to the office and then it hit me and engulfed my entire body. I started having a very heavy feeling so I decided to just sit and maybe sleep if off for awhile. Yes, at the office. Maybe I am suffering from a “binat” (I wonder what the English word is for that?).

I was feeling so sick that I realize I couldn’t drive myself home that time. Later, my colleagues will find out that my hotness has reached a new level (and not the sexy kind) and they will panic over it. They gave me some cold compress and medicine until a few breaths later I was feeling well enough to drive.

Thanks to P, V, D and KE who played nurse at the height of my delirium. Pwede na kayong mag-asawa! Haha. Really, guys, thanks a bunch!

Friday – Sunday

I decided to go home to Bulacan for medical consultation and home care. I visited a throat doctor and he said I have an abscess on my throat. And the horrifying news is that I might need a surgery to remove it. Whatever, doctor! We decided to look for a second opinion and I was also given some antibiotic medicines in the hopes that it might still reverse THE thing.

Over the weekend I took the medicines and it seems to help. I can now eat, drink and talk almost normally. Too bad I cannot sing yet (gasp!). Whereas before even swallowing saliva hurts.

I was asked to stay away from coffee, chocolates, anything sweet and anything cold. Like they told me NOT to live. What am I without chocolates and coffee?!? They are like air and water to me.

Thanks to my dear friend, Dr. Jinx who was my doctoc-on-demand even if she was enjoying herself in Boracay.

Thanks also to friends and colleagues who have been sending well wishes for me to get well, along with reminders that I should take a breather.

What have I learned from this ordeal?

* That I should learn to drink water. And flat water at that (not cold, not warm).

* That I am not young anymore. My body is not as self-correcting or self-healing as before. So I really have to check with the doctor if something goes wrong and not try to weather it out as I normally do. Otherwise it will just get more complicated (I almost fainted at hearing the word operation).

* Your work will not take care of you (even if you have highly compassionate colleagues). So you have to give your body some R&R, a needed respite from all of the stress and rigors of the workweek.

* Being sick is v. boring! I can’t sleep but I also cannot read or watch TV either. And my iPod does not offer much comfort also. I drift in and out of sleep and had some really weird dreams in the process.

* There is life without coffee and chocolates.

I can’t wait to get back to LIFE. Hopefully I can get back to work on Wednesday.

Until laters!

Ogling and Googling The Next Sensation

First there was Charice Pempengco. Now there is Susan Boyle.

Charice was a YouTube singing sensation who has graced such popular talk shows like Ellen and Oprah. Last I heard she will have a US album and will play a significant role in the sequel to Alvin and The Chipmunks. Filipinos everywhere are elated. Like this was the answer to poverty or corruption.

Now the world is fascinated at Susan Boyle. I already caught her name on Facebook postings and I wonder what the fuss was. Then I saw it on CNN. Turned out she is an unlikely Britain’s Got Talent (their version of American Idol) contestant. At first sight, she seems unbearably average (laughable even), but then she opened her mouth to sing and the rest is YouTube history.

I have nothing against these artists. They have indeed great talent and they deserve the recognition and attention. So for the record, I am not dissing them.

What I think is ironic in this equation is that they are regarded as novelty items. I am trying to be politically correct here... but they are “usual” people who posses unusual talent. Like a paraplegic who can paint with his feet. Or a 1-year old who can spell Czechoslovakia and Mississippi.

Case in point. Charice is not the best singer in this country. Sarah Geronimo can trump her any day of the week. But she became famous maybe because people are fascinated at how someone that little that young can have that voice. Same with Susan Boyle. Sarah Brightman and Charlotte Church achieved worldwide fame with the same voice, and with less of the media sensationalism. It's just that Susan Boyle looks like an "unlikely" singing superstar.

Plus, their star will only shine until the next online sensation is discovered, maybe in some remote Nepalese village (maybe someone with Susan Boyle’s voice but she can sing upside-down or while immersed in water). As much as we wished it for them, they will not be the next Mariah Carey or the next Justin Timberlake. Charice’s album has not even turned platinum here.

A reality check for Charice: Lea Salonga was a multi-awarded theatre actress and the voice behind popular Disney characters. But she never made it that big in the US, pop-wise. And Lea already has everything...the talent, the looks (she was named one of People Magazine's 50 Most Beautiful at one time) and the hype.

In today’s world of YouTube and Google phenomenon, the proverbial 5 minutes of fame is within arm’s length of any one. But that’s just that... flashes in the pan. People might argue that this is better than nothing at all. And I respect that. To each, his own.

This is just a sincere call to enjoy it while it lasts. Like anything in life. Make the most out of it.

Fragments #5

Coming from the pleasantly nippy cold season, this summer is turning out to be quite a SCORCHER. Everyone's Facebook and Friendster shoutout is talking about the heat.

I sweat effortlessly and within seconds of stepping out of the shower. The heat also wakes me up at 4AM and since I can’t go back to sleep, I end up either reading or just listening to my iPod until my standard wake-up time comes.

But in a wry turn of the weather vane, it rained yesterday night (Saturday). And I am writing this blog while enjoying to cool, damp morning. Good thing the rains were quite hard; a light rain will just make the air unbearably humid.

April rains has been romanticized in prose and poetry. I just feel happy when it rains.

***



I am currently reading The House Of The Sand And Fog. I bought it because of the Oprah Book Club stamp. She really has some great choices. I discovered Anita Shreve through her Book Club endorsement also. This book was also a finalist for the National Book Award.

I am midway already in reading and it is quite riveting. It is basically an immigrant’s drama and the collision of three separate lives. If I am not mistaken, this book has been turned into a movie and Ben Kingsley was nominated for an Oscar for his portrayal of, I suspect, Colonel Behrani.

What enraged me in reading the books is its dire portrayal of Filipinos. I am on page 184 and I found three references already.

On page 23, this is a though train of Col. Behrani, the Iranian immigrant: When I step into the hallway and walk to the elevator, I pass a Filipino maid pushing her cart and I take notice that she smiles. And even bows her head.

On page 163, again a thought train of Col. Behrani: I recall the rude way she (the daughter) repeatedly apologized for the family’s present living condition by recalling our old life. How will she regard her mother, brother and me living in a cottage in a place such as San Bruno perhaps? Or Daly City, will all those Filipino people? Will she be too ashamed to visit?

On page 178, this is a recount of Sheriff Lester: Once, outside El Granada, I drove up to a 7-Eleven right before they closed. Some boy had just pulled a Stop and Rob, but I didn’t know it yet, and I was getting out of my cruiser just as he came out the front door, this real skinny Filipino kid, no older than sixteen or seventeen, holding a bunch of bills and a silver revolver.

I think writer Andre Dubus III has a certain lack of fondness for us, Filipinos. But I can’t call him racist just yet. This is a novel that banks on realism; art imitating life. A realism that is so close to the truth, it hurts. We can’t deny that the scenarios he painted are impossible. After all, they have portrayed this in local OFW-inspired flicks like Caregiver and Milan.

It’s just unfortunate that of the many nationalities in the world, we will be singled out this way.

AI Top 7: Songs From The Silverscreen

This week, American Idol Season 8 goes to the movies with songs from the silver screen. This is an expected theme for the week. But the real surprise was the choice of Quentin Tarantino as the mentor. Tarantino is one of the ground-breaking influences in recent pop history (remember Pulp Fiction and Kill Bill?). For the small tube, I best remember him for directing a 2-part episode of CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. I think it was called Grave Danger and involved CSI Nick Stokes being captured and buried alive. Tarantino’s macabre storytelling made it one of their best episodes ever (case in point: those episodes garnered multiple Emmy nominations). I think I watched it 327 times already.

Back to AI, Tarantino did give some sensible advice to the Top 7. I think he was rooting for Li’l Rounds and Adam Lambert.

The Three Bests



Kris Allen – He is inching up my list of top contenders. I think real artistry comes when a singer take a song and make the audience like it. This week, he chose Falling Slowly from Once; a rather obscure song choice. I have this Oscar-winning song from my iPod but I never paid much attention to it. But Kris sang it in a way that I understood what the song was saying. Forget that he sounds so close to the original for he does a good job at it. It’s now on repeat mode on my playlist.

Danny Gokey – Endless Love was a tough song choice. It is such a big ballad. But there is no denying the emotions that Danny injects in the songs, bringing it to a different level.


Anoop Desai – I never knew the day will come when I will write Anoop in my Top 3. But this past weeks, he has done a swell job and his song choices are now suited to his voice and personality. This week he sang Everything I Do (I Do It For You) and I was awe-struck at the control and restraint in his voice. Unlike his earlier weeks, he enslaved the song and not the other way around.

The Worst

Li’l Rounds has been drifting aimlessly to inevitable elimination in the past weeks. And this week was no different. She has chops but weighted against the other six, she does pale in comparison. I think what’s keeping her in the competition is his mother-of-three personal drama.

The Result

Like a Tarantino twist, the results came as a shocker. I expected either Anoop or Li’l who has been permanent fixtures in the Bottom Three. But no... it was Matt Giraud.

A big, fat HWAAAT!

It was not the best week for Matt. He did a passable job at Have You Really Loved A Woman?. The problem is that he started all soulful and then shifted to rock-tinged in the second part. It ultimately ruined the song. The judged has highlighted that he ambles pointlessly between these two genres. Like Anoop, he should find his comfort zone and shine in it.

But still, he was one of the best this season. So I was really hoping the judges will exercise their “saving grace” on him.

And they did. But with this development, two contestants will be taken out next week. So Matt is still in the chopping block.

Here’s my big statement. Honest to blog, just remove Li’l Rounds and Anoop Desai. Then I don’t care anymore who will win. Any of the remaining five deserves it.

That’s how awesome they are.

...Surreal

Last week I realized that I accidentally unchecked the Comments portion of my blog. For God knows how long ago.

Today, I read a fresh batch of online comments.

And sweet Jesus.

Somebody Famous has just read a blog entry and left a comment. And it is not a hoax because I traced it to his official website.

Please excuse the iota of egotism. It's not everyday that this happens. Not in my wildest dream.

Somewhere in my head...a song is eerily playing.

IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL.

Requiem For Bash

I hate the good kind of goodbyes. I prefer the abrupt ones... the awkward ones... or the goodbyes that are tainted with hate or regrets. But not the good ones where you have time to dwell at the poignant memories and the agonizing knowledge that it would all end in that space in time. That nothing follows. That good things indeed do not last.

I never understood guy’s obsession with cars... until I had one. From the time I saw her lustrous moss-green beauty, I’ve wanted to spend my life around her.

Laugh and mock me all you want but this is my requiem for my old car.



Like any silly moron who treats his car as his best buddy, I gave her a name and changed it every time she undergoes an “overhaul.” I first called her Poknat, a reference to soap opera crush back then. But then she became true to her name and started attracting holes so I changed her name to Margarita. Then she met another misfortune last Christmas and needed another makeover. She was last called Bash. From a movie that struck a deep chord.

I’ve had her for three years and in that brief span of time, she had shared miles and miles of memories with me, both good and bad. The long and winding road. Defining moments I want to preserve on my mind. Like those time out with my family. Or time alone where I want to be with my lonesome self and sing my heart out to smithereens with the sad songs churning from its MP3 player. And of course, those dark, forgettable moments that I had retired to a drawer called “painful life experiences” and “lessons learned.”

I remember the first time I brought her home and the friend who helped me with her. I lost contact (again) with that friend since then.

I remember driving her at a snail’s pace, Basil Valdez’ melancholic voice providing the apt background, as we brought my father to his final resting place.

And who can forget my first accident during those highly-strung SAP times; a nerve-racking accident that damaged her front fender and gave birth to my panicky fear at the sight of an approaching ambulance.

I know my regular passengers will miss the smell of it. A smell, which they say, has become my trademark (I take it as a compliment). I remember when I changed car perfume and people noticed it so I returned to the signature smell.

She never let me down. She conked out on me on only three instances and she made sure I was not compromised. The first time I was at my apartment and she needed her battery changed. Second time, I just delivered the keys to our boss’ house and I had a friend tailgating me. Battery problem again. She was safe there so I left her and friend brought me home. The third and the last time, I was at a friend’s house and she needed a maintenance check at the casa. She never gave up on me while I was on the road or in a treacherous situation (one of my worst fears...like stalling while enroute to a BR). Like family, she made sure I was ok before she succumbed to what was bothering her.

Last Saturday, as I took her to our office to turn her over and get the new one, I gave her a heartfelt thank-you speech. Of how she has been a big part of my last three years and how I will treasure that forever. Of how she has been very good to me and that I hate leaving her. That this is a Good bye.

The new car is a lot nicer in many ways. I instantly appreciated it. But we have yet to have those revered memories that render my old car priceless. I call the new car Ash because of her color, and somehow as a salute and tribute to Bash. That though I have replaced her, a part of her will always be with me.

Bash will just be around and I know I will see her often. I know I will honk happily in greeting, not for the new owner but for her. And I will smile at the joy of seeing an old and true friend.

Sorry, I really got carried away. I know it’s just a car. But...

The Other Side Of Christmas

Today, the whole country pauses to observe Good Friday.

Back when I was still spiritual, I have been solemnly scared of the Holy Week. It was so sobering for all the devout Catholics. Until now I see it as an exact opposite of Christmas, like the yin and the yang of the Christian calendar.

Christmas is about joys and the sharing of it. It is also about make-believe happiness, festivities and latent materialism. Everything in excess.

Holy Week is about sorrow and sacrifices. It is about pain and submission to pain. About silence through which we rediscover the foundations of faith. An act of giving up (as opposed to being in excess).

But both Holy Week and Christmas encourage the faithful to look beyond and within themselves. I think it’s called selflessness.

Something this world badly needs.

Law and Physics

Before the dawn of Good Friday, I have devoured two books. Which is a record for me. With my hectic schedule, it usually takes me at least weeks to finish a paperback novel.

The first one is The Summons by John Grisham, which has resided on my bag for weeks now.



In The Summons, Grisham relives a small town law drama. The revered Judge Atlee is on his last breath and he has summoned his prodigal sons for the final verdict. But Ray finds his father dead and with three million in cold cash stacked in his cabinets. And so with the heavy guilt of disappointing his father came the heavier burden of finding where the money came from and what he will do with it.

Then came the cat-and-mouse chase that Grisham has perfected. Someone knew about the money and is after Ray. The reader is led to a screening of the personalities in Judge Altee’s life and their possible connection with this ill wealth. The build-up to an unexpected ending that will question our own judgement about certain things.

The book meanders lazily in places and truth to tell, this is third time I have picked it up from my reading stack. Since the story is basically a personal law-related dilemma, it lacked the satisfying tension of courtroom spectacles that we came to expect from Grisham. But Grisham absolves himself when he meticulously pulls together the story in the end. Like a slow brew that came to a rousing boil in the end.

(Spoiler Alert. Please skip the next paragraph if you plan to read the book.)

The Summons rises above other Grisham novels with its underlying argument on personal morals and ethics. As the story is narrowed to a showdown between the two brothers, the reader will be twisted in this battle for integrity and questions on what is earnest and righteous. I closed the book torn between the brothers. Who was good...who was bad? Who was the victim...who was the tormentor? Like that infamous symbol of justice, Grisham placed the stringent rules of law on one end of the scale; and on the other he placed a crude law called personal judgement. Hence, a tough balancing act.

The book explores greed in different places. Greed in the corporate law setting. Greed on a personal level. And how greed can skew our judgment and principles. Fairly human, I know. But that doesn’t give it any rhyme or reason.

***

For some Holy Week reading, I chose a book that seemed “spiritual.” I bought this book ages because of the standout reference to Nicolas Sparks, from the overdramatic plot down to the personal praise from Sparks.

The book is Falling Bodies from Andrew Mark.



The plot is typical Sparks as it presents human loss and despair and the eventual renewal and re-discovery (of oneself) after overtaking such tragedy.

Jackson is a Physics professor whose life is governed by the rigid laws of science. Yet he cannot grasp the logic of how his family was suddenly taken from him in a terrible accident. He is haunted by the memories of their absence and his guilt. In search for the rationale in his increasingly senseless world, he embarked on a journey (more of an escape). There, his path crossed with Livvy’s, a strong woman whose resolve is also tested as she sees her husband through Alzheimer’s disease. And so came the story of two souls suffering silent pains and discovering healing in each other.

This is a debut novel but it fails to give a promise for this fledging writer. First, while the plot is inspiring and sincere, it pales in comparison to the works of Nicolas Sparks in terms of poignancy. What I am saying is the narration lacks “heart.” We never cared as much for Jackson and Livvy despite of their wrenching predicament. And this lack of poignancy is connected to another flaw.

Since the hero is a Physics professor and the story explores Science vis-à-vis Real Life, Mark tries very hard to incorporate facts and comparisons to scientific elements. It was an overkill (and this is coming from a cool geek like me) so much so that I will wince every time the writer will resort to this... at every other page! For instance, he would compare the agony of waiting to “seconds , hours and light years!” Or a frozen slice of time to "a moon suspended on its orbit by gravity." It was way too much that I lost the characters in all this scientific gobbledygook that Mark is passing for literary brilliance. To borrow from Simon Cowells’s wise words, this book was indulgent in its scientific references that I don’t know if Andrew Mark is a science whiz trying to write or a writer trying to be a genius.

And with that, I compare this book to a black hole. It sucks you in with its almost powerful story. Yet you end up with nothing but the void that you started with.

(Sidebar: The editor in me also caught two typo errors in this book. On one page, the writer was describing Jackson’s dream but he referred to it as “her” dream. In another page, he wrote about “too eyes” (obviously two eyes). Tsk, tsk…bad editing!)

Captured

Some people capture the world through a camera’s lens. I capture the world through my own eye and let the written text do the talking. Trails of ink on parchment is my art of choice.

But lately, I always have on-hand a tool that makes capturing images rather easy. On the light of day at least. I am no photography amateur and I am not ready to explore that. But here are some of the things I’ve captured thorough my iPhone’s lenses.

This is a photo I took at the venue of a friend’s wedding.



This is a cute item I clicked at last Christmas.



These are taken in the midst of all the New Year revelry.





This is during a dragon dance last Chinese New Year. Darn difficult to capture these overexcited dragons. While covering your ears from all the firecracker explosions.



This is taken while driving. It was raining. Can you read the handwritten bumper slogan? Manong Driver must have frequented the drive-thru at McDo.



But Lancy prefers Jollibee. Don’t look there! You will see what mascots are made of.




These are some of my treasured possessions.

AI Top 8: Songs As Old As Time

Theme: Music From The Year You (Contestant) Was Born

The Three Bests:

Allison Iraheta – with I Can’t Make You Love Me (a personal favourite song). She managed to tackle an adult song with her personal juvenile flavor.

Adam Lambert – doing a mad version of Mad World (another personal favourite song). Very consistent. Got a standing ovation from the 4 judges. That says it all.

Matt Giraud – Did a wise move and returned to his falsetto R&B style with Part-Time Lover. And achieving it without being a Timberlake 2nd rate copycat.

The Worst

I have written off Anoop Desai but surprisingly, he did well with True Colors. He should stick with these types of songs. But I still think he within striking distance of an inevitable elimination. Unless a slumdog magic is in the works. Jai Ho!

I am not a fan but I am amazed at what Scott MacIntyre has achieved, considering her visual impairment. But looking beyond this predicament, he chose a bad and tired song and sang it badly. It was a risqué move for him to stray from the piano and it didn’t pay off. It was awkward to see him on guitars (unlike Kris Allen). He tried but failed to reach the high notes. And so his song came true...The Search Is Over for Scott.

The judges were pressured but did not use their “saving” grace on Scott. Which is OK in my books. This is a vocal competition. Not a special Olympics. So it was really time for Scott to go. But I’m sure he saw and got more out of this than we can ever imagine.