Hodgepodge (The Fourth Serving)

Sometime Mid-March
Mood: Swinging from normal to frazzled
Songs for the Moment: Let Go (Frou Frou)…go watch The Holiday.

***

I’ve never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that being strong meant never losing your self control
But I’m just strong enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride
Let if fall like rain from my eyes

***

I can’t believe that this is only my third blog for this year when I have resolved that blogging will be something I will do AT LEAST once a week. I might have lost my concept of time for good. A week for me has stretched to two months… like I am in a warpzone where time has succumbed to obscurity. Come back to the real world, Bernard. Time is fleeting and it goes on without you. You should have learned that valuable lesson last year.

***

Things I Learned So Far This Year

1. It is better to see things the way that they are. And not the way you wish they could be.
2. Silent victory means winning the argument by shutting up.
3. That "I have no time” is not an excuse. You have to “make time” for the things that matter (like watching Heroes and Entourage on DVD)
4. Common sense is not common anymore. Or some people are just freaking afraid and unsure.


***

Life on Shuffle

To spice up my life with some spontaneity, I’ve conjured a new scheme. I will put my iPod on shuffle and the first three songs that come out of it will serve as a horoscope / theme / guide for the coming week.

Here’s what came out:
- Kissing A Fool (George Michael)
- Hello Sunshine (Super Furry Animals)
- Flood (Jars of Clay)

Ok I get it. I will have sunshine and some flood. Very much like LIFE or something like it. Whatever…just bring on the kisses, fool!

***

Infinite Sigh

Sometimes I remember and the pain grips so hard it feels like nothing matters but the overwhelming misery. So this is how it feels. It goes without saying that I deserve it. I chose this road so whatever agony I feel is self-inflicted. Maybe I am masochistic.

Though I vowed to forget the pains of the past and just keep the beauty in all the madness, I still reel from the what-could-have-beens.

They say that it is only in misery that we find out who we are…and who we can be. Why must I always find it out the hard way?


***

March started on a stressful note and has been more of a losing battle to keep my cool. I blew my top as early as the first Monday of March.

It really pisses me to high heavens when people do not step-up or live-up when expected. It’s as simple as ringing the alarm bell beforehand so that I (in my own little way) can do something.

I am the type who works down to the details. Maybe it’s a blessing and a curse. But I really can’t take last-minute shockers. I often pysch myself up for something and those last-minute shockers destroy my sense of solidity.

But then again this is force majeure (as my law teacher would call it). I am just a hapless victim of circumstance. I have no choice but go with the flow…swimming against the tide is simply grueling and remarkably pointless.

They say that you can’t change the way the wind goes. Maybe it’s time to re-adjust my sails.

***


Just heard a news article over Breakfast that call center agents are subjected to a lot of work-stress because of the unusual work hours. And up goes my eyebrows!

While I have nothing against call center agents, I find it appalling that work-stress is credited to them. Last time I checked, stress is probable (maybe a “given” even) for all types of profession. There are devils in Prada lurking in all kinds of work environment and that alone can make Stresstab manufacturers ecstatic.

As with anything in life, it is a matter of the pros outweighing the cons. Stress comes when the “power” shifts to the cons.

At least those call center agents have fat wallets to go with their so-called work-stress. Some people are not that fortunate.


***

I can’t wait for June…if only because the long-delayed Wild Hope will finally be released. Wild Hope is Mandy Moore’s first foray into being a singer-songwriter. The album is already generating major buzz, with often anti-pop Billboard Magazine dedicating a cover story on Mandy and her new-found musical footing and creative relevance.

If the first singe Extraordinary will be any indication, then this album is bound to be well…extraordinary.

Visions Of A Sunset

In your lucid moments, you shine this beacon of light that rouses this world-weary soul. The same light cast a heavy shadow and I was content to just walk and dwell in it. Knowing that each step leads to a path of self-destruction or to a road of endless resistance. Hell or high water. Yet I convinced myself I needed that. To feel the pain if only to feel alive.

Sooner than later, I know that this will fade away. All colors will bleed to various shades of blue and I will be drenched with the all-too-familiar anguish. The sands are slipping through my fingers and all I can do is cherish each painstaking grain that I can hold onto.

I never asked for what they say springs eternal… or that one fateful shot. I just needed to vacillate in this moment. Until the next moment comes which will take me into another dizzying kaleidoscope. The colors will again come to life…albeit touched by a different light.

How weird it is to suffer the darkness of dusk when there was no dawn to behold.

THE BEAUTIFUL LETDOWN (A Look Back at 2006)

Year two-oh-oh-six was the toughest year ever. Not only did I have the most grueling and most challenging time at work for the most part of the year. Towards the end of the year, I have to deal with a family tragedy, the loss of our dad. It was the proverbial final nail to the coffin (forgive the pun)… the ultimate bad ending to cap off a bad year.

Yet, it is said that learning comes only with pain so with the trauma of last year comes a lot of learning and enlightenment.

And so I greet with the New Year with a renewed vigor and outlook in life. I am leaving a lot of negative things behind…and this time I look forward to the changes.

I have paid my dues in 2006, I want 2007 to be one of the best years ever.



***

COFFEE AND GREY TV
(The Music and TV That Defined 2006)

There is nothing like music or boob tube and silver screen moments to bring us back to a certain time. Our childhood years were littered by fantasies about Shaider’s Annie and Pink 5 and the humor of once-cute-girl Aiza Seguerra. Hearing Electric Youth and Hold On will remind my batchmates of sixth grade; while Tropang Trumpo, What’s Up and Fixing A Broken Heart were so high school. College was ushered in the music of E-Heads, Alanis Morissette and sad to say…Titanic.

And so I present the music, TV and movie moments that kept us sane throughout 2006.

Riding In CARS to the Movies

The entertainment freak in me is sorry to admit that I was totally out of touch with the movies this year. If memory serves me right, I was able to watch only a handful of movies at the moviehouse. Some of them I just caught on DVD but still I totally missed out a huge chunk of the better ones. Blockbusters like The Departed, Babel, Happy Feet, and Dreamgirls are expected to be major draws come award’s season.

Of the movies I have seen, I will say that Cars was the best. Very seldom can you find a movie that is both visually-entertaining and thought-provoking. Beneath Car’s glossy finish is a story that will be interpreted in a different way by kids and adults. Kudos to Disney and Pixar for coming up with animated flicks which will not insult the intelligence of kids from 1 to 92.


GREY Is the Color of Television

Over the past two years, TV has gained more prominence so much so that we find silverscreen bigshots appearing on the small tube. Entourage alone had Hollywood A-listers as main cast (Jeremy Priven) or recurring guest (James Cameron, Mandy Moore), not to mention that it was produced by Mark Wahlberg. Even the careers of former big screen biggies were revived via hit TV series. Yes, I am talking about Terry Hatcher (Desperate Housewives) and Patrick Dempsey (Grey’s Anatomy).

For this year, Lost lived up to its name and lost most of its appeal. Desperate Housewives became more desperate (Sex and the City, it is not). Meanwhile, more people became part of Entourage and medicine never looked better in Grey’s Anatomy.We also witnessed the demise of the celebrated Six Feet Under (sniff, sniff) and the emergence of a new batch of Heroes.

On the local front, the fanatical following of “beJEWELed” Korea-novelas continued. Local adventure/fanta-seryes are still tops in the ratings but slowly the straight drama soaps came back to life. Game shows got a new “deal” (or was it no deal) alongside reality shows which catapulted relative unknowns to superstar heights.

Pop Goes The Bossa

In this generation of iPods and piracy, music is made more indispensable and more accessible than ever. The year 2006 marked another golden age of OPM, a decade after its renaissance in the mid-nineties, thanks to River Maya, Yano, Eraserheads, Introvoyz, Side A and After Image.

Having first struck gold (and platinum) in 2005, local bands and artist once again lorded over the charts (Odyssey even claimed that 80% of its sales last year are for OPM). Revivals (which were over-used by MYMP, Nina and a so-called Brown Monkey) were given a fresh treatment with alternative bands re-interpreting the music of the Eraserheards and APO. Meanwhile bossa nova music poured from the coffeehouses into mainstream pop, courtesy of such exotic names as Sitti, Sofia and Agot. Party Music also reverberated from the DJ’s turntable onto video channel playlist, prompting one to create their own Club Myx.

With this, R&B and Rap music took the backseat (so long…Eminem). The only foreign release to make its mark this year is the music from High School Musical…the Grease of this generation.

I started writing my best and worst of 2006 but then I decided to do the unconventional. So here’s my take on the music and shows that defined 2006


TV

Guilty Pleasures: Rachel Ray, Crazy For You, anything showing the late Steve Irwin
Feeling-Original Show: S.O.C.O and Philippine Idol
Feeling-Intelligent Host: Joey de Leon (Mel and Joey), Joey Marquez (S Files)
Best Ensemble Cast: Grey's Anatomy and Komiks Presents Pedro Penduko (Fil-Am Matt Evans pulled off portraying a very Filipino character)
Best Local Reality Show: PBB Teen Edition
Worst Local Reality Show: PBB Celebrity Edition
Best Rumor Monger: Mo Twister
Discovery of the Year: Pokwang


MUSIC

Guilty Pleasures: OST – High School Musical, anything Paris Hilton, Bossa Nova
Most Mind-Boggling Remake: Nakapagtataka (Sponge Cola)
Best Guess-My-Title Song: Cable Car (Over My Head) by The Fray
Most Irritating Song: Ring The Alarm (Beyonce), London Bridge (Fergie)
Best Nursery Rhyme: L.O.V.E (Ashlee Simpon),
L.S.S. Award: still…L.O.V.E.
Most Kawawa-Naman-Me Song: What’s Left Of Me (Nick Lachey)
Most Personal Song: Stars Are Blind (Paris Hilton)
Best Sourgrape Song: Someday (Nina)
Best Haba-Ng-Hair-Mo Song: You’re Beautiful (James Blunt)
Best Sampling: Wind It Up (Gwen Stefani) which has a sample of The Lonely Goatherd
Best Song for Elections ‘07: Don’t Forget To Remember Me (Carrie Underwood)
Worst Environmental Song: Ulan (Cueshe), also wins Worst Song…Period and Worst Local Band
Best One-Word Song Title: Stickwitu (Pussycat Dolls) and SexyBack (Justin Timberlake)
Hot Song Topic of the Year: DRIVING…courtesy of Jesus, Take The Wheel (Carrie Underwood), Chasing Cars (Snow Patrol) and Beep (Pussycat Dolls)
Shortest Song Title: Unwritten (Natashe Bedingfield)... gets?
Song of the Year (Personal Pick): First of Summer (Urbandub)
Most Played Song on iPod: Cool (Gwen Stefani)
Discovery of the Year: The Fray
Worst Album Title: B-Day (Beyonce Knowles)…should be been called B-duy


MUSIC VIDEO

Best Exercise Music Video: Here It Goes Again (OK Go) which also wins Best Choreography in a Treadmill
Best Choreography, Solo: Me and You (Cassie)
Best Choreography, Group: My Love (Justin Timberlake feat T.I.)
Best Epileptic Attack in a Video: Déjà Vu (Beyonce Knowles)
Start-the-F**cking Video Award (aka Longest Intro): Unfaithful (Rihanna)
Most Drool-Worthy Video: Buttons (Pussycat Dolls), Promiscuous Girl (Nelly Furtado)
Best Ensemble Cast in a Music Video: Public Affair (Jessica Simpson)
Best Actress in a Music Video: Pink for Stupid Girls
Best Actor in a Music Video: James Blunt for Your'e Beautiful
Most-Featured Award: Snoop Dogg for Say Something (Mariah Carey) and Buttons (Pussycat Dolls)
Veejay I Want To Send To The Moon: Karel Marquez


THINGS I LOOK FORWARD TO IN 2007

1. Rounin – a ground-breaking anime-serye from Eric Matti
2. Wild Hope – the much-awaited indie-inspired album of Mandy Moore, produced by John Ataglia (John Mayer’s producer) and with writing collaborations between Mandy and Michelle Branch, Adam Duritz (Counting Crows), Chantal Kreviazuk and Rachel Yamagata.
3. Yet-untitled releases from Maroon 5, U2, Mariah Carey and Kelly Clarkson
4. Dedication – the indie film starring Mandy Moore and Billy Crudup, now premiering at Sundance Film Festival
5. Other publicity antics of them party-girls Paris, Nicole, Lindsay and now Britney. Intoxicating cocktail drinks should be made in their honor.
6. American Idol
7. Amazing Race All Stars

Where Are You Christmas?

December 8
11:15 PM

It’s almost mid-December but why does it feel like freaking August?

Where did November go? Work has become such a rat race that I think I re-lost my concept of time (if that was possible).

Signs that I am the poster boy for work-stress:

1. My cellphone inbox contains 1,800++ messages… about 1,682 of which should have been deleted aeons ago (I’m no sentimental fool). Then all of a sudden, precious phone conked out an hour ago (Memory full…delete some messages…Not enough memory to perform operation). This is history repeating itself. This has happened before because my phone was super-congested. I know what will happen next…I have to bring it to Nokia Care Center who will reformat my phone and delete all the junk messages (including the 118 messages that I was planning to immortalize).

2. I have to consume 1000-calorie worth of chocolates per day. Be it Van Houten, Maltesers, Curly Tops or Flat Tops. Chocolate creates a false sense of gooey happiness, especially when you deal with Dementor-like creatures in your everyday life. The same effect can be achieved in gulping a Starbucks Hot Mocha.

3. I last finished a book in March. And it was the bathroom-book-thin The Magician’s Nephew (a.k.a. the REAL Book Two of The Chronicles of Narnia). After that I started an Ann Tyler novel which I didn’t finish. Then a month ago I picked up The God of Small Things and only read until page eight. Being a Harry Potter fan, it is pathetic to realize that the movie version has caught-up with my perusal of the book version. Yes, I started Order of the Phoenix but only got to about 6 chapters only.

4. The last movie I saw in the movie houses was Superman Returns. Thank God for them pirates that I am a little updated on the boob-tube favorites. Entourage and Grey’s Anatomy rocks!

5. I didn’t enjoy my birthday. True, I took a day off. But it was just like an ordinary Sunday spent at home catching up on the zzzzzzzss.

6. I am not feeling any vibe on Christmas. Three years ago I was the Grinch…to me Christmas was another Hallmark marketing ploy. But I had enlightenment after watching The Polar Express. But at these high-strung times, even getting my 13th month bonus is a non-event. And so I’m singing the theme from The Grinch…Where are you Christmas? Why can’t I find you… why did you go away?

7. I do not know how I will find time to buy gifts for friends. Maybe the Metropolis is filled with losers like me which will prompt the malls to open 24/7 to cater to our hectic schedules. If worst comes to worst I will give my friends a Starbucks GC. This coming from a champion when it comes to “personal” gifts.

8. I am dreading the new year. New Year = new principal = new challenges = new peaks of stress.

But I refuse to succumb to the lackluster Christmas spirit. One way or another, I have always looked forward to Christmas. Yes, I hate the long queues at the malls and supermarket and a little bit of the sentimentality. But I do love the nippy air and the blanket of contentment and happiness that seem to envelop the place. Not to mention that people become nice or extra nice during Christmas (haha…me included). It seems like for that brief window of time... we have a small glimpse of heaven.

Here’s my TO DO LIST to be in the mood for Christmas:

1. Finish buying 60% of the gifts for friends and officemates. That is coming from zero, mind you.
2. Buy a new pair of casual shoes.
3. Contact at least 5 friends I haven’t seen in 6 months and plan a get-together.
4. Buy a Motorola Razor OR upgrade my iPod Mini to a 60G Video iPod (help me decide).
5. Buy a ridiculously-priced nice pair of jeans and shirt.
6. Buy one book and one CD I have been itching to buy.
7. Buy something new for my house in Manila and in Bulacan.
8. Get wasted at least 2 times before Christmas.
9. Finish wrapping #1 in a week’s time.
10. Listen to Christmas CDs when in the car.


Bonus: Friends say they find it difficult to look for gift for me… although I’m far from being the boy who has everything. So since it’s Christmas and to make their life easier, here is a list of things I HOPE NOT TO RECEIVE:

1. CD case – I have gazillions already from past Christmases and this is the iPod generation, mind you.
2. Anything religious – I am a devout agnostic
3. Mug – enough said
4. Key chains – except if they are from Paris
5. Fake Louis Vuitton or Girbaud wallets – trust me when I say I know the real from what isn’t
6. Picture frame – for the nth time…I am no sentimental fool
7. Planner – I have what I want...a Starbucks planner

Best Gifts I have received from Christmas past (in no particular order):

1. A closet organizer
2. A CD case masked as a turtle stuff toy
3. a card from Unicef in lieu of a gift (I have always been an advocate of charity work).
4. Bedroom slippers (how did they get my size right, I wonder)
5. any shirt that fits me
6. bedroom linens
7. pillows (one saying Mr. Incredible)


Don't get pressured. As I said, I am extra nice during Christmas.