Dear Y2010,
I am writing this letter in the calm and quiet that ensued after you left. Last night I watched you slowly slither away as the world explodes in welcome to your predecessor. Sorry for the quick thank you and good-bye; I am really bad at these things. The flipping of the calendar always makes me sad but I mustered a smile for your departure. And if you are hurt by my happy smile, know that I am smiling from the good memories that you left and not that I am happy to see you go.
Well, in a way I was happy to see you go. The 365 days that I spent with you was a crazy roller coaster of a ride and you know I am someone who craves stability. OK, to be fair, you were in equal parts good and bad and that makes you a blessing in itself. Coz I’ve had it real bad before. You can ask your siblings when you do your recap. Some of your brothers (or was it sisters coz they were such a bee-yatch) were real unkind to me. I couldn’t wait to kick them out of my system.
Anyway, those are all in the past and that is something you taught me. To let go and shrug it off. You changed my perspective and made me realize that the past has grounded me but in a negative way. You forced me to weed the bitterness from the lessons learned. You taught me acceptance where there was once indifference and dismissal. You made me calmer and more composed in dealing with the everyday battles.
Having said that, you dared to conjure battles I never thought I would fight. Something beyond my wildest imaginings. And though I accepted your challenge, it took the most out of me. That trauma is still fresh and even if you take it with you, the aftermath will stir evermore like ripples on water. Maybe in time I will laugh about it, but for now I am still licking the wounds. This will be your tattooed remembrance on my persona. Good thing that during those darkest hours, I found some sort of Patronus. But please do me a favour and tell your next of kin to ease up on the Dementors. I long for the times when I was just plain, simple, boring and ordinary, as opposed to being the chosen and designated one.
And what’s with you and your penchant for CHANGES? Blimey, did you make a lot! Some I am thankful for and some got me pissed off. You unveiled new avenues of possibilities and opportunities, which would have been awesome but there are times when I felt that you went overboard. You could have at least warned me when you were shoving me into the fire. I could have held onto the frying pan for a while longer.
You helped me find a new home so I can again enjoy the rains and not be paranoid of being swept away by a freak storm. Plus the new residence is more accessible to a lot of stuff. If only you gave me more time to enjoy it all.
Oh thank you for showing me a new-found appreciation for people. Yes, I am still channeling George Clooney in Up In The Air (in terms of my stand on relationships) but I do appreciate what I have. I am blessed to have a great family at home and at work, the people who make it all worthwhile. And of course friends who slap me with the truth, make things tolerable and give me ammunition to fight back. Plus, this year you brought me closer to my long-time friends from elementary and high school. You also brought new people into my life, people who gave me fresh perspectives and provided stepping stones so I can further propel myself. Some of this new people gave me a difficult time, but still I learned a lot from them (who says learning is easy anyway).
Hey, come to think of it, you also sidetracked people from my life by placing them in a different tangent where out paths will now seldom intersect. It was disheartening to let go of some people who have deeply shared my life for the past years. Though I know our connections are stronger that those defined by the workplace, damn you still for shooing them away.
Another downside: you made my schedule so crazy and impossible. Many a times I wished I have Hermione’s time travel machines so I can defy Physics and be in two places at once. It sure felt like a million clocks are counting down my deadlines. I had to sacrifice personal time and I had to disengage myself temporarily from my blog (shameful 14 blogs this year, the lowest turnout ever) and Facebook. Good thing there was Twitter to make me feel alive...online. You took me away from my books and now I have an entire bookshelf of a reading list (I know you will blame me for not getting an iPad). I have to settle for magazines and surfing just so my brain cells won’t stagnate.
As a side effect to the stress you gave me, I had to resort to retail therapy. Have you seen the number of shirts, jackets and shoes I bought this year? It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase charge it to experience.
I realize that you have added a new layer of indifference to my hard bitten cynicism. And I still don’t know if this is good or bad. I seem to be unaffected by a lot of things, be it the awesome or the horrific. I am blurring the line between nonchalance and insensitivity. I think the part of me that is empty and numb has ballooned. With it comes the sarcasm that, like wine, is getting more potent in time. My own coping mechanism perhaps. Something to keep my head above water as I wrestle against time and tide.
With that I say goodbye to you, 2010. You were good to me, and since I seldom get "Great," that puts you with the best of them. You taught me a lot and made me realize the options that I can pursue. You gave me distressing struggles but you threw in some shining moments. Having known you have made me a better, stronger person. I can never thank you enough for that.
Love,
Bernard
P.S. This goes out to your heir apparent. Please be kind and cut me some slack. That’s all I ask. I am not even asking you for Love and anything grandiose. Just a chill lifestyle. Less of the stress, curve balls and hurly-burly moments. And maybe you can throw in some generosity. I heard it will go a long way. Just so you know, you have big shoes to fill. Thanks in advance. XOXO
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A quick shoutout to everyone:
May this year be filled with new beginnings, second chances, fond memories, miracles, magic and dreams. Let's go, 2011!