Cool.

Last Monday (January 19), I drove from our house in Bulacan to my office in QC without turning the car aircon on. And to think it was past 7AM already.

How cool is that?

Then, we were in Tagaytay for three days for our sales conference. We had color-coded shirts every day but it was rendered useless because we HAD to wear jackets. Think cold + wind. Some of us even wore double jackets.

If only the weather can be like this all year long. I think we will all be super productive. News reports say that we have the coldest temperature in decades. Enter visions of Al Gore and An Inconvenient Truth.

Once the devil starts wearing Prada jackets, then we all know hell has frozen over.

The Other Side Of Me

Here’s the deal:

I see better on my left eye. I hear better with my right ear.

I easily get blinded by light. I had an eye problem since grade school where my eyes sometimes water at the first sight of the sun in the morning (yeah, very vampire-ish).

I have poor night vision (not so vampire-ish).

I have to check locks twice to convince myself it is indeed locked.

I have photographic memory. I have to recall words and formulas as they appear on a page. That’s why I was never good at memorizing historical facts. I also don’t look at caskets because I don’t want to remember the dead as well...dead.

I have an irrational fear of snakes and footbridges.

I prefer my water colored and with taste.

I hate almost all string vegetables.

I need least 2 cups of caffeine fix before 10AM or I’ll feel sick and lethargic.

I always leave the first 3 pages of a notebook blank.

I have clepto tendencies...but only for ballpens. I ACCIDENTALLY take ballpens from other people’s desk.

Most of my books have my name on the title page and the 13th page.

I am a slow reader coz I was trained to find mistakes in written text.

I love words but I do not believe them. Actions still speak volumes.
***

After this, can you honestly say that you know me?

Human Plight, Redefined

I am a sucker for sad, tragic stories.

Last night (January 10), I was fixated at the Maalala Mo Kaya episode. I’ve wanted to watch it since I saw the trailer. It was a story of an impoverished family in a sugar hacienda whose suffering was multiplied hundredfold by reasons of their own doing. The father (Jay Manalo) is vicious and brutal, asking his children to work in the sugarcane field and taking their earnings to play sabong. When drunk, he punishes his children violently for no reason at all. There are six kids and often they have to scavenge the mountains for something to eat. One sibling and the baby died from starvation. The eldest boy decided to take things in his own hand and defied his father; for the very basic purpose of putting more food at their table. He was later disowned despite his selfless and benevolent intensions.

I have to give a round of applause to the actors, especially the lead child actor (Joshua Dionisio). He was so good and his portrayal of his character was so painstakingly earnest; as if he has mastered the art of juvenile anguish. The trailer stated his recent Best Actor win and I foresee another one coming with this episode (or was this a replay and this was his winning performance...I really don’t know). For me, the most disheartening part was when he lashed back against his father and ended up being evicted from their house. The next sequence showed him crying in childish whimpers; and you realize that he is just a KID amidst a very adult struggle. Hats off also to Chito Rono for the remarkable storytelling and direction.

The MMK episodes are getting better and better; they are almost like mini-indie movies. They have also been increasingly memorable in a heart-breaking way. This comes as no surprise because they often depict the darker facets of life, which is more realistic anyway. I have always believed that life is a chaos and it is up to us to make sense out of it.

There is another recent episode of MMK that I can’t take off my mind… one of the most shocking episodes I watched to date. It featured the plight of children on the streets. Abandoned by their parents, these children took LIFE in their own small hands; the lead child actor even resorting to being a pimp at a tender age. It was appalling to hear the boy say “Sir, you want good time?…Satisfaction guaranteed.” But the worst part came when the little boy realized that the girl he likes has succumbed to prostitution (a predicament he wanted her to evade) in order to save her ailing mother. Suddenly, his last semblance of normalcy shattered and his already-fragile world came crashing down.

At the core of each MMK episode are the lessons and of course… redemption; a hope against hope that everything will work out well in the end. But I don’t think life is ever that way. Sometimes you have to just get used to the bleakness of it.

I have a theory why I like tragic masterpieces: watching these horror stories puts my own life in perspective. My own misery pales in comparison to theirs. And I realize how blessed I am.

Just like what they say...Don’t compare yourself to others because you have no idea what their journey is all about.

Rain does not fall on one roof, after all.

***

I was a wayward child
With the weight of the world that I held deep inside
Life was a winding road
And I learned many things that one shouldn’t know
But I close my eyes
Steadied my feet on the ground, raised my hand to the sky
And the times rolled by
Still I feel like a child as I look at the moon
Maybe I grew up a little too soon

From “Close My Eyes”

First Week High

The first week of 2009 was hectic, to say the least. But my spirit is high…and I don’t know why (wow…that rhymes). Maybe the cold crisp air still vibrates with some holiday cheer even if Christmas seems miles away already.

Or maybe it was my glib anticipation for that great bright start for 2009.

I already finished my general cleaning of my studio-type domain and I got rid of a lot of junk that has piled up over the months. In the process I unearthed a lot of stuff that I bought or was given to me (like shirts or even journals) but I haven’t used. I also discovered that I bought two similar things (like an extension cord). It really sucks to be disorganized.

I also started a new planner…well two to be exact…one for the personal stuff (e.g. finances) and one for the work stuff. I also found pleasure in starting a new notebook - our spanking new corporate notebook. I always work on a new notebook each year, to categorize the notes and topics. Now I just have to print the sales data as an at-a-glance reference for the impromptu recitations.

Since my car is being rehabilitated, I was at the mercy of officemates who picked me up for work and brought me home. So I go home before 9PM and surprises of surprises…I leave my laptop at the office! (lest I commute the next day). Which is a good thing coz I was able to do more house stuff or slept early so I can go to work early. Thanks to M, C and E for being my designated driver, hehe.

I also perused to finish the write-up for our SalesCon AVP. Since this was corporate literature, I had to really rack my brains to find the right words; so unlike blogs where my thoughts and words just flow freely. I’m so glad I was able to finish it with minor revisions. But I’m sorry that I cannot share it here because they are now intellectual property of our company.

I’m giddy and edgy for the next week’s SalesCon. We laid out a lot of stuff, with the purpose of bringing it to the next level.

Cheers to the best-laid plans and the promise of 2009! Hope everyone’s enjoying a great new year.

***

I’m no prophet and I don’t know nature’s whim
So I’ll try to see into your eyes right now
And stay right here coz these are the good old days
- From “Anticipation”

New Year, New Lease On Life

With the slightest of regret, I watched the final minutes of 2008 tick by. As the world is counting down the seconds that will herald the beginning of the new year, I was counting the end. Then with a final gasp, 2008 was gone and I bid riddance to this far-from-great year as it slithered away to that place filled with bittersweet memories and painstaking lessons.

I thought 2007 was the superlative when it comes to personal torment. But then, 2008 trumped it by miles. It was the year when I communicated through damage. By the middle of the year, I was yearning to leave it all behind and start afresh. In some ways, my new year began early.

But those are all behind me; I don’t have time for the nostalgic desolation. I’ve wallowed enough already. I’ve squeezed the pain for what it’s worth until I was numb. I already bled myself to death. And rediscovered myself in the process.

In 2008, I discovered the “P” word; but I am not allowed to talk about it. Consider it my hidden power, my own brand of magic potion...something I avoided but succumbed to in the end… to keep me alive. To render myself invincible.

I took all the tough cards I was dealt with and learned how to play it. I threw away some of the aces, thinking I was fortunate to have them; only to realize later that focusing on the aces prevented me from seeing the other lucky cards.

I swallowed my bitter pill and its vile taste still resides at the back of my mouth. I accepted my own foibles and I now live to regret it. I’ve paid the price and I’m still paying for it every day.

I had the taste of the mordant truths. That people don’t understand what they don’t know...That most people are generally self-serving (it is “good” if it works for them, otherwise it is “bad”)...That during the darkest hours, you will realize who shines their light for you.

Amidst all this, there are the poignant lessons. And I really have to learn them the hardest way possible. But at least I can say: I know better now. And for what it’s worth...I vow not to make the same mistakes again. This sick cycle carousel has got to stop.

I cannot contain my excitement for 2009. I am longing for that great, bright start. Armed with the lessons and the few people I trust, I am bound to fulfil the prophecy that this year will be great for us Horsies (born in the Year of The Horse). It’s about time...after our seemingly endless bout with misfortune in the past two years. We’ve paid our dues.

And as George Harrison said...all things must pass. And it does get better in time.


***

Through this world I've stumbled
so many times betrayed
trying to find an honest word to find
the truth enslaved
you speak to me in riddles
and you speak to me in rhymes
my body aches to breathe your breath

My Life Lens...circa 2009

Just in case you missed it...here's new new profile:

"I have lived thirty years and a thousand lifetimes.

I am almost adorable in my mismanaged existence. My life is ruled by expectations, which is not a bad thing. But it does get tiring…how you reach for it only to realize they have placed the bar higher.

I am a self-confessed drama king with comic undertones. My story reads like an indie dramedy that yearns for that crescendo redemption. I have looked pain in the eye, hence I am half-healed. But I do have my moments of ruckus and madness when I do let myself loose.

I thrive on solitude; isolation has become one of my thirsts. I bask in my being alone and happy instead of being around people but unhappy. I’ve learned that most people disappoint you anyway if you get too close to them.

I have a few friends and that’s all I need…friends in the purest sense of the word. They are the only people who know me and they are the only ones that matter.

I have been dealt a lot of tough cards; I am the type who suffers in silence. But that doesn’t mean I don’t lash back. I am from that radical university after all and we are taught to stand up and rebel when provoked. Especially by incompetent fools who deserve it.

I hover in a state of constant sarcasm, mockery and irony. I am cautiously optimistic. I have seen more horrors than any soul should see, yet I still believe in seeing the good in everything.

I like the heartbeat of silence; uncompromising silence can be so loud. I am allergic to nonsense and inanity. I don’t talk much but written word is my playground.

They say my voice is sad, subversive, byzantine and tortured. And they may be right… for once. I have developed the talent of drowning in despondency and misery; and blocking the unnecessary painful things from my sterling memory.

I have a huge reservoir of patience and understanding and pity those who use up my quota of tolerance. With me, what you are is what you get. I may not be your expectation, but I am neither your generalization. Just when you thought you had me down pat, that’s when I’ll throw you a mystic curveball.

I love proving people wrong and slapping human nature in their faces. I have learned that people don’t understand what they don’t know. But that is their death...not mine.

Come unravel the mystery of this restless soul. Visit my Friendster blog or www.barnieboi.blogspot.com."