I'm Single And I Know It

Too many billion people in this planet and you can’t find one? That is the question. In this day and age, being single is tantamount to being a amputee, that you are walking around with a part of yourself missing.

Some people still shake their head at this destiny, or lack thereof. Some people see it as a crime; that somewhere out there a girl is having a miserable life because her “the one” chose to be alone.

For me, being single is a choice, a lifestyle even. I wake up, go to work, meet with friends occasionally and come back home to an empty house. And never did I feel the sense of being incomplete. I want it that way. In the same way you want to have a girlfriend or a family, I want to be single. Fact is, there is misery in being alone in as much as there is misery in being married. There is happiness in being married so there should be happiness is being single. All’s fair in love and life, right?

There was a time when I used to be defensive about this choice. It ticks me off how some people see it as a virus or a stigma. I remember a recent high school reunion where all the single guys and gals were told to go upfront, to be interrogated and heckled at by those lucky enough to find partners (rub it in, won’t you?); short of saying that being single is a fate worse than being broke. Yes, maybe it was all for fun and in the spirit of fun, I bit my tongue from saying things like “Yes I’m single but happy. You’re married and what again?”

For the record, I am not bitter about love. People think this situation is an aftermath of trauma or giving up on love. I recognize love, I wish it for friends and colleagues who wants it. I am happy when nice people find nice partners and live happily ever after. Heck, I am one of those guys who watch and read Nicholas Sparks and have a soft spot for Gus and Hazel in A Fault In Our Stars.

It’s just that I see love as some form of religion. I understand why people hold on to their hope in love, similar to the way sinners hold on to their faith. It becomes their reason for being. And like my view on religion, I respect that. I’ll leave them with their flowers and chocolate, white laces and promises. But it’s not for me.

Not that I have not tried it. I have, but my reaction to it reminds me of when I tried smoking. I didn’t like how it taste and feels. I don’t like pinning all my hopes and happiness on one person and making them the center of my universe. I don’t like synchronizing everything with that person. I don’t like the mush. I don’t being treated like a kid (kumain ka na ba?). I don’t like complications.

What I like is this freedom and being responsible only for myself. To be able to do whatever I want, whenever I want, wherever I want with whoever I want... without compromising someone. To be able to come home at any time and not having to apologize if my clothes smells like cigarette or another girl’s perfume. To be able to bond with a girl best friend without someone going jelly. To not pretend to like her friends or her family. Just to name a few.

They say Valentines Day becomes Singles Awareness Day for the unlucky ones. No need. Everyday, I’m aware that I’m single and for me, it’s a blessing. It’s the best way to exercise my right of free will and decision making.

I know people will see this as too juvenile, too cynical, too selfish or perhaps narcissistic. Again because they give “single” a bad name. Single is not a status. It is a feat which shows you are strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others.

There is dignity in being alone. Being accomplished and alone, being loved and alone, being un-lonely and alone.

Being single means more time to focus on myself. It’s like when I’m driving to an unfamiliar destination. For sure I’d still get there if I’m alone (give or take one or two wrong turns). If I have company, I tend to depend on them for instructions and lookouts. Being single means I’m in better position to achieve my goals in life. Somehow when you’re with someone, your goals take a back seat, or you have to make it around the other person. In being single I learn to appreciate myself more – know my capabilities, my strengths from my weakness, and strive to make myself a better person. Because I can only depend on me.

Husband or father might not be part of my curriculum vitae. Try good son and brother, loyal friend and great colleague. Maybe I’ll get chastised when I say I don’t need a partner to go through this life. I can travel alone, eat alone, shop alone or watch a movie alone. If there’s anything that scares me, it’s not growing old alone but being too independent. I see people as complications so sometimes I’d rather be detached. I even look forward to a “me time” despite being single and living alone.

There’s more to life than being in a relationship. You just have to enjoy the life that you have. Maybe someday I’ll find my match, maybe I won’t. And I’m OK with that. I won’t look back at my life with regret because I am able to do what I want.

I’m just saying that for what it’s worth, being single doesn’t make me any less happy or less grateful. And I know I am not alone in this sentiment.

Cheers to all the happy couples and the happy singles out there!