They all say I’m too restless
But words cut deep when you’re defenseless
There was a time when we were fine
And I could tolerate you
But now I just don’t understand you
And you don’t know me at all
You paint my picture black
The joke’s on me and I refuse to laugh
Remember the good times?
Won’t you bring them back
Someday…somehow
We all try to cauterize the PAINS we have to carry. But sometimes our past is so significant that we cannot dissolve it even if we tried.
CHANGE can mask the pain, but sometimes it also uncovers and un-heals it. So you keep going back to where you once fell, in search of the redemption you need to move on. Who will save your soul? You search for the answers that you knew all along. It was YOU.
I fall asleep dreaming that things will be as they used to be. But I know everything is so fleeting. They vanish as reality comes crashing to the floor.
There is a metamorphosis that is too complex for me to take part of. There is a bitter pill that I refuse to swallow. We may be going upward, but for every climb there is this downward slide that I can’t ride.
I can and I will try. But somewhere….something’s got to give.
***
After my series of fall-and-rise blogs last year, my friend A (who is my self-appointed critique and talent manager) posted a bulletin inviting people to come visit my blog. She called it Blog For The Heart and Soul. I know I bled my heart out on those blogs but I’m no Chicken Soup.
When I was a child, somebody told me: You have to leave this world a better place than it was before you came.
Suffice to say, this is the best way I know of doing just that.
****
A friend, after bursting forth with her sob story, asked me: What is wrong with me?
I said: What is wrong with you is that you pinned your happiness on one person. I understand that in being in love, your happiness become directly proportional to the presence of that person. Which should not be the case. There are people out there who values the real you. But we tend to forget these people because we focus on that one person who does not even know what we have to give. Find your happiness…other than with him.
She said: I wish I can be as strong as you. Continue to be happy.
I said: I CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY. Who said my life now is better than last year’s? It’s just that I got tired of wallowing in the misery and negativity. It doesn’t get me anywhere anyway… so why bother.
It really boils down on how you see things. New life lenses, anyone?
Thursday, January 31, 2008
A Ban On Misguided Moral Guardians
I heard some amusing news lately. A certain group of people is pushing for the banning of condom ads. They argue that it gives teenagers a license to be promiscuous or ill-informed about sex.
Funny…very funny!
In a country that is dominated by Catholics, it is not surprising that some people think of themselves as moral guardians. But this is really pushing the envelope too far. Can someone ask those people what their issues really are? Is it the promiscuity of teens? I’m sorry but that is a fact of life, you cannot argue with genetics. As if they never experienced how it was to have raging teen hormones. Is their issue the growing number of teen pregnancies? I’m sorry again but I don’t think banning condom ads is the solution to this.
Way back in college, I had a term paper which recommends abolishing the MTRCB. Back then, the MTRCB was receiving so much flack due to their ban of now-classic movies like Schindler’s List and The Piano. I discovered a lot of articles that supported our main argument: the Garden of Eden complex (remember Eve and the apple?). The more you ban something, the more it becomes tempting. We are after all, sons of Adam and Eve.
In Denmark, the government removed the ban on smut and porn. After some time people, it became a non-event, a fact of life. Did sexual crimes or unwanted pregnancies escalate because of this liberal act? Absolutely not. It actually worked as some sort of reverse-psychology…it became so un-tempting. Not that I am promoting smut or pornography here, my point is that we place undue attention on something that should have been "ordinary" in the first place.
Like I always said, look at the basic issue and address it. I am not prudish nor am I liberated but sex is not as “evil” as some people are depicting it. After everything is said and done, it all boils down to being RESPONSIBLE. We have to teach our kids to be responsible. If these parents continue rolling their eyes on this sex issue, then they should expect the kids to look for the answers elsewhere. So who now gave these kids the license to be ill-informed about sex? Tsk, tsk…some people have a weird concept of the term “guidance.”
Times like this, I miss Eminem. He is, hands down, the best adviser for teenagers. He teaches a lesson by painting the horror story and its consequences (do this and you get this). He confronts issues and explains without insulting the intelligence of these kids. But I digress…my views on Emimem merits another blog.
Too bad I lost my copy of that term paper. I would have mailed it to these misguided moral guardians. The 1.0 grade would have been enough to shut them up.
Funny…very funny!
In a country that is dominated by Catholics, it is not surprising that some people think of themselves as moral guardians. But this is really pushing the envelope too far. Can someone ask those people what their issues really are? Is it the promiscuity of teens? I’m sorry but that is a fact of life, you cannot argue with genetics. As if they never experienced how it was to have raging teen hormones. Is their issue the growing number of teen pregnancies? I’m sorry again but I don’t think banning condom ads is the solution to this.
Way back in college, I had a term paper which recommends abolishing the MTRCB. Back then, the MTRCB was receiving so much flack due to their ban of now-classic movies like Schindler’s List and The Piano. I discovered a lot of articles that supported our main argument: the Garden of Eden complex (remember Eve and the apple?). The more you ban something, the more it becomes tempting. We are after all, sons of Adam and Eve.
In Denmark, the government removed the ban on smut and porn. After some time people, it became a non-event, a fact of life. Did sexual crimes or unwanted pregnancies escalate because of this liberal act? Absolutely not. It actually worked as some sort of reverse-psychology…it became so un-tempting. Not that I am promoting smut or pornography here, my point is that we place undue attention on something that should have been "ordinary" in the first place.
Like I always said, look at the basic issue and address it. I am not prudish nor am I liberated but sex is not as “evil” as some people are depicting it. After everything is said and done, it all boils down to being RESPONSIBLE. We have to teach our kids to be responsible. If these parents continue rolling their eyes on this sex issue, then they should expect the kids to look for the answers elsewhere. So who now gave these kids the license to be ill-informed about sex? Tsk, tsk…some people have a weird concept of the term “guidance.”
Times like this, I miss Eminem. He is, hands down, the best adviser for teenagers. He teaches a lesson by painting the horror story and its consequences (do this and you get this). He confronts issues and explains without insulting the intelligence of these kids. But I digress…my views on Emimem merits another blog.
Too bad I lost my copy of that term paper. I would have mailed it to these misguided moral guardians. The 1.0 grade would have been enough to shut them up.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
The Way 2007 Are (The Best Of List)
Year 2008 started off to a fantastic start. Part of the holiday spirit spilled over to the first work week of the year. Maybe (fingers crossed), this is a precursor of greater things ahead.
Like any mortal, I made some new year resolutions. But unlike any mortal, I vow not to forget them as soon as the crisp cold air gives way to the first sign of summer. After all, they are not just resolutions, but more of paradigm shifts coming from my challenging episodes last year.
Having said that, I’m glad some people also chose to leave the “remarkable” events and issues of last year in some corner of their cortex, to become distant memories. Only the lessons learned were carried over to the new year.
The first work week was relatively slow so I had time to organize the literal mess I managed to accumulate during the past months. I have regained part of my OC self; although I don’t know I want to go back to being that stringent. In my work maybe, but not in other aspects of my life.
***
A friend asked me what happened to my Year-end Best Of List. It took me a moment to understand what she was saying. Then it hit me. The critique and reviewer in me failed to release the Best-Worst List for last year. I was so caught up in my personal turmoil, so to speak, that I forgot my other passions.
Truth to tell, I was out-of-touch for the most part of the second half of the year. My priorities somehow shifted or maybe I expanded my turf. Case in point: I totally stayed away from the TV so much so that for the first time, I didn’t know what was happening with Pinoy Big Brother (Celebrity Edition) or Survivor (China).
Anyway, to stay true to tradition, here are my personal bests for 2007. You can mock my pop-infused choices, but these are the songs and programs I related to and served as the background of my life in 2007. I won’t put My Chemical Romance or Fall-Out Boy on my list just to sound cool. I’m cool enough to know what I like.
Best of Songs 2007
1. The Way I Are (Timbaland feat Doe and Keri Hilson)
2. Gotta Go My Own Way (Nikki Gil)
3. Do You Know (The Ping Pong Song) (Enrique Iglesias)
4. Hey There Delilah (Plain White T’s)
5. Samson (Regina Spektor)
6. Falling Away (Miguel Escueta)
7. Over You (Daughtry)
8. Wait For You (Elliot Yamin)
9. Umbrella (Rihanna/Mandy Moore)
10. Makes Me Wonder (Maroon 5)
Personal Theme Song 2007: Gotta Go My Own Way (from HSM2)
Most Played On iPod: The Way I Are (Timbaland feat. Doe and Keri Hilson)
Favorite Re-current Songs: Breakdown (Mariah Carey feat. BTNH), The Hurt (Kalapana), What Might Have Been (Lou Pardini)
Best of Albums 2007
1. Daughtry (Daughtry)
2. Wild Hope (Mandy Moore)
3. It Won’t Be Soon Before Long (Maroon 5)
4. Shock Value (Timbaland)
5. Loose (Nelly Furtado)
Best of Movies 2007 (Disclaimer: from those I got to watch)
1. Transformers
2. The Bourne Ultimatum
3. High School Musical 2 (made-for-TV movie)
Side-bar: For some reason, I haven’t watched Spiderman 3 and Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. This is coming from a big Spidey and HP addict!
Best of TV 2007
Like any mortal, I made some new year resolutions. But unlike any mortal, I vow not to forget them as soon as the crisp cold air gives way to the first sign of summer. After all, they are not just resolutions, but more of paradigm shifts coming from my challenging episodes last year.
Having said that, I’m glad some people also chose to leave the “remarkable” events and issues of last year in some corner of their cortex, to become distant memories. Only the lessons learned were carried over to the new year.
The first work week was relatively slow so I had time to organize the literal mess I managed to accumulate during the past months. I have regained part of my OC self; although I don’t know I want to go back to being that stringent. In my work maybe, but not in other aspects of my life.
***
A friend asked me what happened to my Year-end Best Of List. It took me a moment to understand what she was saying. Then it hit me. The critique and reviewer in me failed to release the Best-Worst List for last year. I was so caught up in my personal turmoil, so to speak, that I forgot my other passions.
Truth to tell, I was out-of-touch for the most part of the second half of the year. My priorities somehow shifted or maybe I expanded my turf. Case in point: I totally stayed away from the TV so much so that for the first time, I didn’t know what was happening with Pinoy Big Brother (Celebrity Edition) or Survivor (China).
Anyway, to stay true to tradition, here are my personal bests for 2007. You can mock my pop-infused choices, but these are the songs and programs I related to and served as the background of my life in 2007. I won’t put My Chemical Romance or Fall-Out Boy on my list just to sound cool. I’m cool enough to know what I like.
Best of Songs 2007
1. The Way I Are (Timbaland feat Doe and Keri Hilson)
2. Gotta Go My Own Way (Nikki Gil)
3. Do You Know (The Ping Pong Song) (Enrique Iglesias)
4. Hey There Delilah (Plain White T’s)
5. Samson (Regina Spektor)
6. Falling Away (Miguel Escueta)
7. Over You (Daughtry)
8. Wait For You (Elliot Yamin)
9. Umbrella (Rihanna/Mandy Moore)
10. Makes Me Wonder (Maroon 5)
Personal Theme Song 2007: Gotta Go My Own Way (from HSM2)
Most Played On iPod: The Way I Are (Timbaland feat. Doe and Keri Hilson)
Favorite Re-current Songs: Breakdown (Mariah Carey feat. BTNH), The Hurt (Kalapana), What Might Have Been (Lou Pardini)
Best of Albums 2007
1. Daughtry (Daughtry)
2. Wild Hope (Mandy Moore)
3. It Won’t Be Soon Before Long (Maroon 5)
4. Shock Value (Timbaland)
5. Loose (Nelly Furtado)
Best of Movies 2007 (Disclaimer: from those I got to watch)
1. Transformers
2. The Bourne Ultimatum
3. High School Musical 2 (made-for-TV movie)
Side-bar: For some reason, I haven’t watched Spiderman 3 and Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. This is coming from a big Spidey and HP addict!
Best of TV 2007
1. Pinoy Big Brother Season 2 (ABS-CBN)
2. Amazing Race Asia 2 (AXN)
3. Anderson Cooper 360 Degrees (CNN)
4. One Tree Hill (ETC)
5. Executive Class (ANC)
***
I’m already halfway into reading “Dispatches From The Edge.” I must say this is one of the best books to read in between calendar shifts. The heartfelt but devastating stories which Anderson narrates puts your life in perspective and makes you appreciate whatever semblance of stability you have.
Sometimes Anderson uses a voice that borders on commentary or political diatribe. But those people who got the flack deserved it. In a world full of ironies, Anderson twisted the knife deeper and exposed a basic pain and suffering that seemed improbable in these ultra modern times.
Here I am wishing for a 2nd serving of Dispatches.
The ISKO In Me
This past week, I received text messages from fellow Iskolars; poignant and pompous text messages to commemorate the Centennial of our beloved Alma Mater.This one is the most-sent: UP made you in such a way that when the world is sitting, you would be standing…and when the world is standing, you’ll stand out…and when the world stands out, you’ll be outstanding…and when the world tries to be outstanding, you’ll be be standard. In short, laging pasaway ka. Isang masaya and may-yabang na sentenaryo, UPians.
I don’t know if the UP world has evolved since I graduated. But whoever wrote this is not from UP. Coz we never called ourselves UPians. It’s like only the outsiders refer to AS as Palma Hall.
The sentiment is also way too cocky. I remember a naughty vandal on my dormroom locker which read: It’s not how big your tool is, it’s how you use it.
I will paraphrase: It’s not from which school your diploma is, it’s how you use it. This goes out to all youngbloods out there who think that a UP diploma is a surefire ticket to success.
***
With the whole fuss over the UP Centennial, I look back at my UP experience. It’s a known fact that UP boasts of an out-of-the-box education; of learning beyond the four corners of the classroom. And this is indeed true. After UP, nothing can shock me anymore. UP exposed me to a lot of elements, showed me all the astonishing facets of human nature. Looking back, my time in UP is similar to a 5-year Amazing Race stint. I entered with only the basics and learned to navigate all the detours and the setbacks. I came out of it, not with a diploma, but with a roadmap and blueprint to LIFE.
These are the 10 Things UP taught me:
1. You have to rely on yourself. You have to find answers to your own questions. You even have to self-study topics that the teachers never taught you coz it’s part of the curriculum and part of the exam.
2. Act tough. Stick and stones can hurt your bones but you have to remain strong despite all the shit being thrown around. Predators come at the first sight of blood. Teachers will grill you more if you flinched for even a bit.
3. To each, his own. UP prides itself in its diversity so you have to learn to deal with different kinds of people. Be careful with your choice of words or risk getting in the wrong side of a “minority” (sic). Be politically correct.
4. Analyze. There are different approaches to everything and you have to find the most utilitarian way. (I almost believed that “utilitarian” was another UP lingo).
5. Stand up. No, I’m not talking about the USC party. UP forces you have an opinion on a lot of things and discourages apathy. It promotes freedom of expression and exchange of opinion and ideas. Respect the ideas and opinions of others if you want the same respect.
6. Notice the fine line and thread lightly. There is usually a fine line between two worlds and the certified Iskos know how to navigate this line. Like there is a fine line between “that’s my opinion” and “live and let live.” There is also a fine line between being confident and being arrogant.
7. Do not generalize. Most things have to be dealt with on a case-to-case basis. Look at both the macro and the micro.
8. Think with your mind, not your mouth. Talking nonsense is a mortal sin. Learn to shut up.
9. Learn to KISS. Keep It Simple, Stupid. Putting too much icing on the cake or beating around the bush are tactics of a coward.
10. Do not be afraid to ask, to make mistakes and to say sorry. These are all part of the learning process.
Thursday, January 03, 2008
GONE ARE THE DAYS (Kissing 2007 Goodbye)
My heart is in my hand, my head is in the clouds
My feet have left the ground, my life is churning around
Every voice inside my head is telling me to run like mad
Bows and arrows, stars and sunset
Every heartbeat, every whisper makes me wonder what all this is
Suits of armor, hearts and arrows
I am writing this memoir in the comfortable silence following the bedlam that greets the new year. The past year 2007 is still slithering somewhere in the vast corner of my mind. Though I want to say good riddance to that year, I have cleared most of the cobwebs during that quiet lull between Christmas and New Year. I now look back, not with regret, but with appreciation and comprehension.
That I had a difficult time in 2007 is an understatement. The trainwreck that was waiting to happen finally shattered into a million pieces. I have written one cryptic blog too many on my predicament. For someone who yearned for stability, I made a choice to rock my world. I wore my pain on my sleeve and walked wounded.
In 2007, some things ended where it should have begun. I found myself in an overwhelming crossroad where I was forced to change my trajectory. It was a point where it hurts to remain in place; the more I hang on, the more difficult it was to breathe. There was no right and wrong, only the consequences of my actions. I have gone from being at the corner of possibilities to nothing at all, a journey that is both liberating and humbling.
Like my previous dismal episodes, Year 2007 was a lesson I had to learn. A necessary evil I had to go through if only to move forward. It was a year of realization, awakening and self-renewal. My life restarted and the person I was disappeared, dissolved by the turn of the tide. It was the year when I got myself a new LIFE LENS…and the view of the world as I know it permanently shifted.
Gone Are The Days So Grey and So Certain
I have lamented that I always live in various shades of grey. Like I’m neither here nor there. Now I understand why. If there is anyone who can understand the various shades of grey, it is ME. Black and white means absolute extremes, grey means compromise.
In a way, I played safe. I played my cards only when the aces are with me. I always strived for stability and shied away from the uncertain. But now I have realized that the discomfort of uncertainty is the most precious part of the experience. Discomfort means you still have something to learn. That holding on to your comfort zone meant you stopped before you even begun.
Gone Are The Days So Serious and So Guarded
I think I took one of the basic marketing concepts too literally: image is everything. I know people think I’m too serious and too stiff. The Scorpio personality also manifested itself in me by the way I presented a cool and stoic façade to the world in order to mask the relentless emotions that are churning within.
This year, I let my guard down and showed the other version of me to a chosen few. The version that knows how to let loose and have fun. The side that was not afraid to make mistakes or be judged. The side that will do things for the sake of doing it; without being too calculating or overly analytical. The version of me that is brave enough to assert himself at the risk of displeasing some people, and let them deal with it.
I reconnected with old friends, forged new friendships, revived old hobbies, worked on a new sport. Win some, lose some. In fact, I rediscovered the value of so many things, even the marginal ones. I also shattered my solitary driving force, the fragments of which I reinvested in a wider array of possibility.
I’ve decided that I don’t have to act too mature for my age. Now I am not afraid of acting stupid while asking the questions about life. After all, being smart is not about knowing the answers to everything, it’s about how you arrive at your answers.
Gone Are The Days of Science
In elementary, my school paper profile read: He wants to be a scientist someday (a juvenile dream that was chased away by more adolescent realities). Little did I know that I unconsciously took a basic science concept and applied it to life: that for every action there should be an equal reaction. I searched for the tit for every tat, the yin for every yang. Anything that didn’t match is deemed incomplete or unfair. And this lead to a lot of dissonance and unnecessary disappointment.
I also reached a point when all I was feeling was GRAVITY and I don’t know why. It was only later that I realized that I have to align myself to a greater sphere of influence so I can stay on the affirmative path.
I’ve said that life is a game and maybe I was playing too hard that I forgot to enjoy the experience. Or I was so focused on something that I forgot to stop and smell the proverbial flowers. That’s why it is only now that I was doing little things to fill a fundamental void. I leapt when I should have taken baby steps.
The Thank Yous
There are a lot of significant moments this year, mostly bittersweet. Having said that, there are two groups of people I want to thank for the so-called 2007 experience.
On one side are the people who shared my moments of laughter and tears, the moments I will cherish forever and the moments I am not proud of. These are the people who cared enough to know when I needed space and when I needed company. People who had me at my worst. Friends who will tell me not just the things I WANT to hear but also the things I NEED to hear. That to me is the truest form of sincerity. I am lucky to have people who are not afraid to twist the knife a bit deeper, if only to make me realize the painful truth.
This year, I met strangers who pointed me in the right direction, who forced me to read the writings on the wall. Strangers whose infectious idealism fed me with energy to reconnect with the better side of me. Strangers who listened as I bled my stories and never flinched as I unraveled the tainted layers of my being. Strangers who later became indispensable allies.
On the other side are my self-appointed nemeses and the sources of my trials and challenges. Sarcasm aside, they called me on things that need fixing in my life. It is said that only misery can build character. The pain they inflicted was part of the metamorphosis, part of the ruse to make a better version of me. While some stings have not dissipated and some scars have not healed, I know everything fades in time.
I welcome the new year with more fervor, more aplomb than ever before. I know I am back in the saddle, I am more sure-footed and I am in a much better path. I have survived another phase of self deprecation and like before, gotten the best out of it.
Maybe this will be another difficult year. Maybe this will be a year of beautiful changes. Uncertainty is the spice of life. But if there’s one thing I know for sure… it’s that I am poised to take flight.
A part of me died in 2007. But a new ME has risen from the ashes of my existence to embrace the promise of 2008 with arms wide open.
My feet have left the ground, my life is churning around
Every voice inside my head is telling me to run like mad
Bows and arrows, stars and sunset
Every heartbeat, every whisper makes me wonder what all this is
Suits of armor, hearts and arrows
I am writing this memoir in the comfortable silence following the bedlam that greets the new year. The past year 2007 is still slithering somewhere in the vast corner of my mind. Though I want to say good riddance to that year, I have cleared most of the cobwebs during that quiet lull between Christmas and New Year. I now look back, not with regret, but with appreciation and comprehension.
That I had a difficult time in 2007 is an understatement. The trainwreck that was waiting to happen finally shattered into a million pieces. I have written one cryptic blog too many on my predicament. For someone who yearned for stability, I made a choice to rock my world. I wore my pain on my sleeve and walked wounded.
In 2007, some things ended where it should have begun. I found myself in an overwhelming crossroad where I was forced to change my trajectory. It was a point where it hurts to remain in place; the more I hang on, the more difficult it was to breathe. There was no right and wrong, only the consequences of my actions. I have gone from being at the corner of possibilities to nothing at all, a journey that is both liberating and humbling.
Like my previous dismal episodes, Year 2007 was a lesson I had to learn. A necessary evil I had to go through if only to move forward. It was a year of realization, awakening and self-renewal. My life restarted and the person I was disappeared, dissolved by the turn of the tide. It was the year when I got myself a new LIFE LENS…and the view of the world as I know it permanently shifted.
Gone Are The Days So Grey and So Certain
I have lamented that I always live in various shades of grey. Like I’m neither here nor there. Now I understand why. If there is anyone who can understand the various shades of grey, it is ME. Black and white means absolute extremes, grey means compromise.
In a way, I played safe. I played my cards only when the aces are with me. I always strived for stability and shied away from the uncertain. But now I have realized that the discomfort of uncertainty is the most precious part of the experience. Discomfort means you still have something to learn. That holding on to your comfort zone meant you stopped before you even begun.
Gone Are The Days So Serious and So Guarded
I think I took one of the basic marketing concepts too literally: image is everything. I know people think I’m too serious and too stiff. The Scorpio personality also manifested itself in me by the way I presented a cool and stoic façade to the world in order to mask the relentless emotions that are churning within.
This year, I let my guard down and showed the other version of me to a chosen few. The version that knows how to let loose and have fun. The side that was not afraid to make mistakes or be judged. The side that will do things for the sake of doing it; without being too calculating or overly analytical. The version of me that is brave enough to assert himself at the risk of displeasing some people, and let them deal with it.
I reconnected with old friends, forged new friendships, revived old hobbies, worked on a new sport. Win some, lose some. In fact, I rediscovered the value of so many things, even the marginal ones. I also shattered my solitary driving force, the fragments of which I reinvested in a wider array of possibility.
I’ve decided that I don’t have to act too mature for my age. Now I am not afraid of acting stupid while asking the questions about life. After all, being smart is not about knowing the answers to everything, it’s about how you arrive at your answers.
Gone Are The Days of Science
In elementary, my school paper profile read: He wants to be a scientist someday (a juvenile dream that was chased away by more adolescent realities). Little did I know that I unconsciously took a basic science concept and applied it to life: that for every action there should be an equal reaction. I searched for the tit for every tat, the yin for every yang. Anything that didn’t match is deemed incomplete or unfair. And this lead to a lot of dissonance and unnecessary disappointment.
I also reached a point when all I was feeling was GRAVITY and I don’t know why. It was only later that I realized that I have to align myself to a greater sphere of influence so I can stay on the affirmative path.
I’ve said that life is a game and maybe I was playing too hard that I forgot to enjoy the experience. Or I was so focused on something that I forgot to stop and smell the proverbial flowers. That’s why it is only now that I was doing little things to fill a fundamental void. I leapt when I should have taken baby steps.
The Thank Yous
There are a lot of significant moments this year, mostly bittersweet. Having said that, there are two groups of people I want to thank for the so-called 2007 experience.
On one side are the people who shared my moments of laughter and tears, the moments I will cherish forever and the moments I am not proud of. These are the people who cared enough to know when I needed space and when I needed company. People who had me at my worst. Friends who will tell me not just the things I WANT to hear but also the things I NEED to hear. That to me is the truest form of sincerity. I am lucky to have people who are not afraid to twist the knife a bit deeper, if only to make me realize the painful truth.
This year, I met strangers who pointed me in the right direction, who forced me to read the writings on the wall. Strangers whose infectious idealism fed me with energy to reconnect with the better side of me. Strangers who listened as I bled my stories and never flinched as I unraveled the tainted layers of my being. Strangers who later became indispensable allies.
On the other side are my self-appointed nemeses and the sources of my trials and challenges. Sarcasm aside, they called me on things that need fixing in my life. It is said that only misery can build character. The pain they inflicted was part of the metamorphosis, part of the ruse to make a better version of me. While some stings have not dissipated and some scars have not healed, I know everything fades in time.
I welcome the new year with more fervor, more aplomb than ever before. I know I am back in the saddle, I am more sure-footed and I am in a much better path. I have survived another phase of self deprecation and like before, gotten the best out of it.
Maybe this will be another difficult year. Maybe this will be a year of beautiful changes. Uncertainty is the spice of life. But if there’s one thing I know for sure… it’s that I am poised to take flight.
A part of me died in 2007. But a new ME has risen from the ashes of my existence to embrace the promise of 2008 with arms wide open.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)