They all say I’m too restless
But words cut deep when you’re defenseless
There was a time when we were fine
And I could tolerate you
But now I just don’t understand you
And you don’t know me at all
You paint my picture black
The joke’s on me and I refuse to laugh
Remember the good times?
Won’t you bring them back
Someday…somehow
We all try to cauterize the PAINS we have to carry. But sometimes our past is so significant that we cannot dissolve it even if we tried.
CHANGE can mask the pain, but sometimes it also uncovers and un-heals it. So you keep going back to where you once fell, in search of the redemption you need to move on. Who will save your soul? You search for the answers that you knew all along. It was YOU.
I fall asleep dreaming that things will be as they used to be. But I know everything is so fleeting. They vanish as reality comes crashing to the floor.
There is a metamorphosis that is too complex for me to take part of. There is a bitter pill that I refuse to swallow. We may be going upward, but for every climb there is this downward slide that I can’t ride.
I can and I will try. But somewhere….something’s got to give.
***
After my series of fall-and-rise blogs last year, my friend A (who is my self-appointed critique and talent manager) posted a bulletin inviting people to come visit my blog. She called it Blog For The Heart and Soul. I know I bled my heart out on those blogs but I’m no Chicken Soup.
When I was a child, somebody told me: You have to leave this world a better place than it was before you came.
Suffice to say, this is the best way I know of doing just that.
****
A friend, after bursting forth with her sob story, asked me: What is wrong with me?
I said: What is wrong with you is that you pinned your happiness on one person. I understand that in being in love, your happiness become directly proportional to the presence of that person. Which should not be the case. There are people out there who values the real you. But we tend to forget these people because we focus on that one person who does not even know what we have to give. Find your happiness…other than with him.
She said: I wish I can be as strong as you. Continue to be happy.
I said: I CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY. Who said my life now is better than last year’s? It’s just that I got tired of wallowing in the misery and negativity. It doesn’t get me anywhere anyway… so why bother.
It really boils down on how you see things. New life lenses, anyone?