Confessions of a LOVE ATHEIST

November 30
Mood: Again...world-weary

Songs For The Moment: My Favorite Mistake (Sheryl Crow), What Hurts The Most (Rascal Flatts), I Don't Know You Anymore (Savage Garden), Good Enough (Sarah McLachlan), Killing Me (Robbie Williams)

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I've been told that love's a celebration
But I've lost faith through frustration
And it's killing me, but killing me slowly

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Funny, most of the birthday well wishes I got from 12:01 of November 13 usually includes wishes for a lovelife. Tsk, tsk. Scorpios are notorious for having the worst luck in that department and the best luck in the other related department (hint, hint: Scorpio Nights, hehe). Well, I am a Scorpio through and through.

Why am I such a self-confessed LOVE ATHEIST (if there is such a term)? The list goes on and on but top excuses would be:

1. I very seldom see solid proof of a good and lasting relationship. If you compute the probability of a success rate, I think it will be around 8%. Even Reese Witherspoon (on Oprah) lashed back at her detractors and rallied in favor of marriage… saying that it is a journey, blah, blah. Look where she is now…the official America’s Sweetheart for Estranged Marriage.

2. I believe that you have to choose between career and lovelife. Only superheroes can have the best of both worlds. And going back to my reference to Reese… she did get an Oscar.

3. I’d rather be alone than unhappy. And I am COMPLETE… thank you very much. Relationship is like a drug…it gets you hooked and it destroys you. It takes out your sense of self so when the relationship ends, you have to find another to feel…complete. And your happiness becomes directly proportional to the presence of that person.

4. Haley James (Mandy Moore’s character in How to Deal) said it very well: “The easiest way to destroy a relationship with someone is to ACTUALLY try to have a relationship with them.” Trust me on this…I’ve been there…done that.

5. Caring is creepy. You get messages asking “Kumain na u?” or “Nakauwi na u?” -Puhleeze… I am not a freaking 4-year old.

6. Marriage is another conspiracy by the Catholic Church, just like the hidden truth about the Holy Grail. They know that marriage and relationships are bad for their parishioners. Proof: They don’t allow their beloved priests and nuns to get married.

7. Didn’t they say MIND over HEART? Biology put it that way so don’t you dare mess up with nature.

8. Building something just to watch it fall is absolute looney behavior. Nothing will last forever. Except maybe that diamond she fooled you into buying.

9. Being haunted by the might-have-beens is better than being killed by the what-is-now.

10. The fact that you are reading through to #10 means you believe #1 to #9. Let us celebrate your enlightenment. Welcome to the Singles for Life Movement!

Winds of Change

Note: This post is a month overdue. Grin and bear it.

November 1
Wednesday
8:06 PM

Mood: Overwhelmed, in a quasi-bad kind of way

The Stars Are NOT Blind, Paris

My Sunday horoscope read: "There's something fabulous about every bad trait you have. Your sarcasm is charming. Your cynicism is often true. And your callousness makes you strong. Someone adores your badness.”

True for the most part, except the last.


Ch-ch-changes This November


I don’t know why I took so long
I kept holding on to the safety of the past.
And then one day the weather changed
And this gentle breeze put me on to a new path.
Home at last.


November is my second favorite month (after December). It starts off all morbid and otherworldly but then it sheds off the macabre to smoothly flow into the festive Christmas season. Not to mention that in the middle of it is the birthday of one of the most celebrated people in the planet. Haha, who am I kidding?!

This November feels surreal to me. Not only do I turn another year older but I am about to shift gears in major aspects of my life. I am one of those people who don’t usually welcome change. I thrive in my comfort zone and I work my life on a stringent routine. Throw me a curveball and everything goes haywire.

But you got to roll with the punches. And yeah, you won’t go places if you won’t let go of the shore. So I am taking a leap of faith and doing my best to psych myself up. To quell the fear of the unknown in order to see the excitement of endless possibilities.

By next week, we will be transferring to a new house in Bulacan. Same village, just in a different street. I ought to be excited coz this one is bigger, way better and more permanent. We took a lot of pains in having it refurbished. I just don’t like the fitting-in part. You know…new neighbors. It will take some time before we get used to their idiosyncrasies (and vice-versa). Yes, we know a lot of people in that street…and that is the problem! Sometimes I am so anti-social that I hate high-school classmates/neighbors who drop by for a chit chat. I mean we can go out and update ourselves but not when I am in my house-rest mode. With the demands of my work lately, rest (even food!) has become some sort of luxury.

Speaking of work….my second curveball is work. I have been a marketing hotshot (sic) for five years now but new demands and requirements in our company suddenly propelled me in another direction. I might just dabble on supply chain instead of marketing. There are no formalities yet but my recent work on SAP Upgrade opened new doors for me in terms of career move. Truth to tell, this is already the third “door” to be offered to me. I politely closed the first two “doors.” I just don’t see myself inside those doors.

This third door (supply chain) is more ME. I just have to organize the supply chain process. I still get to deal with a lot of people (Sales people, principals, agencies, etc) and I will still closely with my office buddies. What am I afraid of? My savvy is in marketing. I can make marketing presentations and programs even when I am asleep. Supply chain is something that I will still have to learn. I mean I like the challenge but I also know that we (as a company) are pressed for time. I have to deliver results fast. Yes, I can deliver…I just might kill myself in the process (16-hour work shift, pressure, stress…you name it.)

As I said, this is a leap of faith. If they want more from me…then all I can do is TRY.