The past few months has been an apocalypse of sorts. I said goodbye to a lot of people. Not eternal goodbyes, but the seen-you-around kind of goodbyes. Not as painful but still it makes you take stock of things. As usual, I forced myself to be nonchalant about it and tried to grin and bear it. But denial can only go so far. Because last Friday was the straw that broke the camel’s already weary back.
Last night, we celebrated (bemoaned would have been the better word) the estrangement of a dear friend and partner in crime. A moment of truth that feels like a weird sequence in a bad dream. Also a communion between good friends who knows that what they have is beyond the confines of their current snow globe.
A mentor once told me to be partial to those who have gone through a lot in life; they will be my best allies. He told me to look for “shells” – people who can turn inner suffering into pearls. It’s an advice I took to heart. Come to think of it, my inner circle of true friends share a common thread of tragedy and the scars of a troubled past. I’ve become increasingly fond of people who managed to rise above whatever curveball Life throws at them.
So no surprise that we got along rather easily. On our first encounter, he immediately played the going-is-tough card, thus earning my early admiration. We are both overprotective Kuyas to hard heads who think they know what’s best for them. We went through parallel domestic difficulties and carry crosses that are not ours to bear. Not that we are complaining. It’s something we have come to terms with; victims of chance and circumstance that we are.
A lot has happened in the almost four years that he was with us. And he was always the de rigueur constant (especially during birthdays...how can we do 10 shots without you?). But now things are never the same again. Goodness gracious. I realize that with him gone, I only have one remaining male buddy. And yes, we do have a situation here. It’s a sinking and disheartening feeling, to be a solitary struggling Y in an overbearing pool of Xs.
Much has been said and there are a thousand things we will miss about him. Personally, I’ll miss having a default roommate who has everything you need stowed in his luggage. I’ll miss having a fellow metro-S and OC to boot. Oh, did I mention the sarcasm that can rival mine? I’ll miss his brand of bickering and lashing back (especially at P); so unassumingly yet effectively sarcastic.
I’ll remember him every time I wear this one polo that he also has. Now I don’t have to mentally recall if I saw him wearing his lately, for fear of us looking like identical twins. I’ll think of him every time I discover a cool new song, as we have this friendly game on who knows the latest RX wannabe. I’ll miss comparing movie notes with him; I remember he forced me to watch 100 Days Of Summer and I like it so much that I have watched it countless times.
I’ll miss having someone who cracks-up at my highbrow jokes and wade through my cryptic verses to comprehend the hidden meaning behind the words (elephants in the room be damned). Only a person of a similar wavelength can do that. And he has his own way of being enigmatic as well (but he cannot fool me with his Bench-themed tweet). I’ll miss having someone who has enough good nature to respect personal space and personal decisions. Someone who can make fun of you without bruising your ego.
He has a goldmine of patience and understanding. During the time when I was dealing with a mighty wind that almost burned my candle down, his silence and indifference became a much-needed comfort. In people like him I found the strength to shake it off.
In these times when sincerity is a foreign word, I’ll pine for the one who never added agenda to his dictionary. In this day and age where douche bags are placed on pedestals and where good guys become punchlines, I’ll miss the rebel with uncompromising values. I’ll miss having a fellow Ted Mosby in a mosh pit full of Barney Stinsons.
In a world where being yourself is simply not good enough, I’ll miss having someone who sees me as I am; someone who appreciates my strongest suit and understands the chinks in my armor.
So long, my friend. This chapter in your life is ending and I know your story doesn’t end here (sorry, but we are such indispensable characters). Though it brings us utter sadness, we know it’s time for your star to shine somewhere else. Much as it will make our world a tad gloomier, we will just bask at the trails of light that you have left behind.
Thank you and see you on the greener side. Wink, wink.
P.S. He is far from a tubthumper, as he is a person without agenda. It's just that the song will always remind us of him.
***
And if the darkness is to keep us apart
And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off
And if your glass heart should crack
And for a second you turn back
Be strong
Walk on
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