The Value of Nothing

I sit still, mesmerized by the delicious silence of my own making. The blinding sunshine highlights the plethora of colors around me. But I shiver from the cool air; it seems like the weather is caught in a battle between hot and cold. Somewhere in the background, I hear the laughter and screams of people, the rickety sound of machinery and some sinister tinkling music.

For a split second, I was intoxicated by déjà vu. This was the same place. But somehow the memories are gone, pulled from the stratosphere and smashed by the gravity of my mistake. It seems so distant...in another life.

I allowed the frozen pictures of time to come rushing by. But no matter how hard I try, I could barely conjure it. The imagery is there but there is nothing to associate it with. Not even pain. Wisdom has silenced these emotions.

Sometimes I hear their voices but I don’t recognize it. They are lost in the cacophony of meaningless sounds. They have all drifted into that infamous obscurity.

The venom is out. I have found my new centre of adrenaline. They will never know me as something other than the luminary that I was polished to be. No glimpse of what lies beneath. It is something far beyond their comprehension anyway.

Deliverance is my breath. I wonder how they are feeling. How does it feel to be a sigh, a mere footnote?

***

Do you remember not long ago?
When we used to live for the moment
Cherish every impressive instant
Now we don’t live, we just exist
We run through our lives

Together, we are alone
I realize the value of nothing
And I learn where I have to be
Nowhere

Your help just hurts
Thorns on my side
So if you’d like to reach to me
Best leave me alone


***

Photo courtesy of Darwin Bell on flickr.