The Opposite of Real-Life Fairy Tales

Truth is stranger than fiction. And in this case, LIFE has more drama than soap operas.



It’s 3AM and I woke up with a jolt. Someone is summoning damnation by shouting thunderous curses: “P.I. na buhay to...Argggh!!!” This will be followed by crashing sounds of something breaking. I thought it was a drama on AM radio. And then I realized the sounds were coming from our neighbour. By virtue of proximity of the sound, I concluded it is the neighbours at our back.

Mostly, it was the guy shouting followed by whimpery-in-anger sounds from the girl. The ruckus continued for about 20 minutes. And then total silence. Like it was only a bad dream.

By then, I was already pumped with adrenaline from the wake-up jolt and paranoia (what if they started burning their house) that I cannot go back to sleep. So I just decided to do some work. My Mom said that such fighting scenes from our backdoor neighbours were not uncommon. I’m just lucky that I’m not there often to hear their domestic squabbles.

Come nightfall, I rushed home in hopes of catching Tayong Dalawa (Yes, I’m not ashamed to say I watch this). I just parked and was about to close the gate when I saw my neighbour lingering outside. I said a quick hello but she started some chitchat. I don’t remember what we were talking about; but from out of nowhere, she burst forth with a personal crisis. Oh no.

Let’s hide her under the name Happy (Ligaya, in vernacular. For the sake of irony). Happy found out that her husband has been having a 3-year-old affair. They have been married for 30+ years and their youngest (of three) son just finished college. She discovered the illicit affair when he called her husband during a supposed “overtime” at work. Now, her children are angry with their dad and their house has become unbearable from all the underlying tension.

The plot does thicken. The other woman is the wife of a policeman. Happy has confronted the other woman and even threatened to have her privates ripped or have her killed by her very angry sons. Happy’s husband is already repentant but Happy said her trust has been permanently broken. After 30 years.

Happy even goes on to describe some details of their sex life. I wanted to scream “Stop, T.M.I.!” But I remained unruffled especially at the sight of her tears. Thankfully, she soon apologized for bothering me with her dilemma. After some kind words of wisdom that I could muster (from a singleton who has no idea about marital bliss, or lack therof), I said goodbye.

Upon entering my room, I quickly checked if I have balding head and a moustache. And if Oprah is on my speed dial. But no, I don’t look anywhere near Dr. Phil.



Who needs a soap opera when your next door neighbours are living the sudsy life? I wonder who plays Audrey. I want to meet her. And introduce myself as JR.



P.S. I don’t mean to trivialize these people’s predicament. Notice that I don’t even slam the institution called Marriage (one of my favorite debates). Truth to tell, I feel truly blessed for NOT having these problems. I think they call it single blessedness. Cheers!