I turned on the TV just to occupy myself but nothing caught my interest. Even MTV was dead, which in itself is disorienting. It was just a blank screen with the MTV logo on the lower right. Then the word “EXIT” kept popping after it. I wondered if MTV is breathing its last, at least here in Asia.
I contemplated continuing my reading. Or putting my iPod on. But instead I just laid still and stared into space.
My mind is racing and I am churned and overwhelmed by a torrent of emotions. From some place that I can’t put a finger on. My only theory is that the last three days has been physically draining. I only allowed my body five hours of sleep, tops. Yet I was on my feet for more than 12 hours. And from that physical torture, my emotive persona, the part of me that feels and seizes the moment, somehow shut down. It disembodied itself, if that was possible.
So I wasn’t able to perceive anything in those three days. Other than physical exhaustion. So it is only now that I regained my “feelings” and all the emotions I should have felt then came rushing like a wall of water. And here I lay drenched with it.
I felt the weird feeling of seeing someone again and the good-natured connection, considering that our only interaction before was highly professional. I felt the awkward feeling of talking to someone who knew me so well yet I can’t remember who she is. Somehow I pulled it off; she couldn’t have realized that I was at a lost at who she is. I felt the excitement at meeting different people and brainwashing them. I felt the suspended disbelief at a text message I received revealing who the new “idol” is.
I took all the emotions in until I’ve had enough. As the remnants of the night began dissipating into the light of dawn, I felt the past rush to reunite with the present. Until I was whole again.
***
Hey hey, night fights day.
There’s food for the thinkers,
And the innocents can all live slowly,
My, my, the sky will cry
Jewels for the thirsty,
And the guilty ones can all die slowly.
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